


To Lose You, To Keep You

by fuzzyalarmclock



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2018-10-24 04:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 49,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10734282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzzyalarmclock/pseuds/fuzzyalarmclock
Summary: Takes place after "Bon Voyage". Lorelai and Luke work through the bumps in their relationship.When I was watching A Year in the Life, I really wanted to know more about Luke and Lorelai's relationship over the ten years between the show's original finale and A Year in the Life.





	1. June 2007

**June**  
  
Rory is quiet as they climb into the Jeep, not quite sure if she imagined that moment between her mother and Luke.  
  
"God, I'm stuffed," Lorelai sighs as she put the key in the ignition.  
  
"It was nice of Luke to open just for us." Rory says, watching her mom carefully.  
  
"Yeah," Lorelai glances in the rear view mirror as they pull away from the diner. "It was."  
  
They ride in companionable silence for a moment. "Mom, maybe I'm crazy, but are you back together with Luke?"  
  
"What? No!" Lorelai squawks. "What made you think that?"  
  
"The way he looked at you, the way you looked at him."  
  
Her mind drifts to last night, their kiss, and their promises to talk. _Their kiss_ , her brain screams, still logically unable to catch up with the physical and emotional intensity of the moment. She had lied awake most of the night before, replaying everything in her head for the trillionth time: the way Luke felt and smelled and her relief at how their familiar song and dance—the careful friendship, the apologies, the bantering and bickering—lead them back to where she hoped all along. Lorelai tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and is unusually quiet. "Well."  
  
"Mom!"  
  
"We're not back together. Not officially, but there was a, um, last night, we, uh..."  
  
"Oh my god, mom. I was with you most of the night!"  
  
"Can this wait until we get to the airport? I don't want you freaking out as I drive."  
  
"Two seconds ago, you were denying that anything happened and now something clearly happened, so spill." Rory's voice rises in excitement, looking over expectantly at her mother.  
  
"Or we can pull over and risk being late." Lorelai knows her daughter's penchant for being ridiculously early would win out.  
  
"Fine. Keep driving. But I am getting this out of you before I get on that plane. I can't believe you weren't going to tell me this before I got on a bus for the foreseeable future!"  
  
"First a plane, then a bus. Your life is about to become _Planes, Trains, and Automobiles_."  
  
"Am I Steve Martin in this scenario or John Candy?"  
  
  
*  
  
  
As they pull into short-term parking, Rory turns to Lorelai. "So. You and Luke?"  
  
"Hon, really." Lorelai lets out a sigh. "It was just a moment." _An amazing, incredible, romantic, life-changing moment._  
  
"Mom, it's Luke. It's not nothing. What happened?"  
  
Lorelai loosens her grip on the steering wheel and takes her keys out of the ignition, fiddling with them in her lap. "I found out he put together the party for you."  
  
"He did? I thought it was all Sookie and Lane's doing."  
  
"Me too! But last night, I thanked Sookie and she said all the credit went to Luke."  
  
"Everything?" Rory asks, incredulous.  
  
"Once the forecast called for rain, he didn't want to call off the party, so he stayed up all night to put together the canopy."  
  
"Ohmygod. I mean, oh my god, mom. I've got to give it to him. He's good with the big gestures."  
  
"I know," Lorelai nods. "I went to thank him and I don't know, he said something really sweet about seeing me happy. And I just remembered all the times he took care of you, of me, of both of us. It was a lot, babe."  
  
"And?" Rory prompts, knowing this isn't the end of the story.  
  
"We kissed." When she says it that way, it sounds so simple and reduces its importance, but Rory doesn't seem to think so, letting out a shriek so unbridled it brings tears to Lorelai's eyes.  
  
"Oh my godddddd. I've been waiting for this to happen."  
  
"You have?" Lorelai asks, surprised, even though Luke is the recurring ghost in all her fantasies. She still remembers her daughter's crestfallen face when she wouldn't accept Chris' proposal. That had been years ago, though, and Rory and Luke had a special bond of their own.  
  
"Yes! It's Luke. He's your person." Rory beams, her blue eyes shining, even in the dim light of the morning.  
  
"Yeah," Lorelai agrees. "It's Luke." The smile on her face feels permanent, as if she will always be a love-addled idiot when it comes to this man.  
  
"But you don't have plans to see him again?"  
  
"I saw him this morning!"  
  
"Yeah, but you know what I mean." Rory fixes her mom with a withering stare.  
  
"Well, no, no firm plans." Lorelai wonders if this should worry her, but knowing Luke, a kiss is always the start of something, a declaration of his feelings.  
  
"Hey, mom?"  
  
"What, kid?"  
  
"I'm really happy for you. And Luke. I know you can take care of yourself and have for many years, but I like knowing that you have someone there."  
  
"Thanks. Me too." Lorelai looks over at her daughter. "You ready to do this, kiddo?"  
  
Rory shrugs, her face betraying her uncertainty. "I guess."  
  
"You're going to be wonderful, you know that, right?"  
  
"So no pressure." Rory cracks as she opens the door of the Jeep.  
  
Inside the airport, Lorelai becomes Rory's shadow. She hovers as Rory prints out her boarding pass, checks her luggage, and gets out her ID for the security line. As she looks up from her wallet, she catches her mother's eye. “Mom,” her voice quavers.  
  
“Rory, I'm so, so proud of you,” Lorelai starts before her voice catches in her throat.  
  
“Please don't cry. If you cry, I'll cry. We'll talk all the time and I'll just have to come visit as much as I can, okay? I'll be back in Stars Hollow before you know it!” Rory talks all in a rush, her voice growing higher and higher, betraying her emotion. Lorelai knows this is true. Rory would get breaks, but she would never be back in Stars Hollow in the same way. She would never live there again. She would go from the campaign trail to New York to who knows where. Possibly standing in foxholes like Christiane Amanpour, if Rory has her way.  
  
“I know, sweetie.” Lorelai murmurs. She's afraid if she says anything more, she will break down in tears. “Just remember to take lots of notes. Not just on the campaign trail, although that too, because duh it's your job, but on the bus. All of the reporter drama. You can write a book about it.”  
  
“Someone already did! It's called _Boys on the Bus_. In fact, I'm going to order you a copy and you can pick it up from Andrew. It should be required reading for all campaign trail reporters. And their mothers,” Rory nudges her mom and then draws her into a tight hug. “I miss you already.”  
  
“I love you. Call a lot, even if it's 2 a.m in Iowa.” She murmurs into her daughter's hair.  
  
“I will. I love you, mom.” Lorelai feels her eyes welling up, so she kisses Rory on the cheek and waves her off towards the security guard. She stands and watches Rory as far as she can. Hugging herself, she walks back to the Jeep where she finally lets herself cry.  
  
  
*  
  
He is surprised to see her slip into the diner later that morning. She glances around, looking for a table, but when she finds his eyes on her, she smiles a shy half-smile, walks up to the counter, and takes a seat.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
“Hi.”  
  
Even before she sits, he's pouring her a cup of coffee. “How are you? How was the airport?”  
  
“Good.” She shrugs and lets out a sigh. “Hard.” She takes a sip and meets his gaze again. “Rory's gone,” she breathes, as if just having this realization. He touches her hand, quickly, but the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth tells him everything he needs to know.  
  
“I'm sorry.”  
  
“I went home and took a nap and woke up and...” she trails off. “The house is so empty. I don't want to go back home.”  
  
“Paul Anka needs you.” _I need you_ , he wants to say.  
  
“Right, right,” she nods.  
  
“You want anything else?”  
  
“Not right now.” He lets her stay for as long as she needs. After the morning rush, he puts down her check.  
  
Her coffee's on the house, but more importantly, there's a hand written note from him. Luke pretends to be serving other customers, but out of the corner of his eye, he's watching her read his note. 'Can I come by your place tonight? At 8? Just to talk.'  
  
She tips him a couple bucks and writes back, 'Yes.' She slips down from the counter and out the door quickly. His heart leaps when he sees her reply.  
  
  
*  
  
  
As he walks to Lorelai's, Luke isn't sure what to expect. If he hadn't had the idea to still throw the party for Rory, if he hadn't stayed up all night putting together the tent, he's not sure any of this would be happening. Even with the somewhat obvious karaoke incident, he didn't want to assume anything about Lorelai's feelings and being able to get up the courage to say something hadn't been his forte in the past. But it had happened. She found out about the party and he said something. He can't get the way she looked at him out of his head.  
  
Before he can even knock, she opens the door. She's nervous, he can tell, and that makes him more nervous. He pulls the door shut behind him and when he looks over at her, she takes a hesitant step towards him. She smiles, that same smile she wore last night, and then she's in his arms and he's kissing her. Something inside him twists and unfurls itself, and he's flooded with relief. All his obsessing and pining and worrying and regret, and all the ways he's been haunted by this woman, and all his torture and self-loathing that he had failed, they all shatter. They're washed away because this is real, last night wasn't a mistake or a fluke, it was real and true and he's here kissing the woman he loves and thought he lost. "Wait, wait. I really did come to talk." His fingers press gently against her hips, stopping her body from coming any closer.  
  
"I've never thought of you as chatty," she jokes. "But yeah, we should." She sweeps a hand unconsciously through her hair. "Just one thing, though." She leans into him, giving him another long kiss.  
  
Any will he has shrivels up in the face of her body pressed against his. His hands are still at her waist but his fingers curl into the fabric of her shirt, needing her closer. He tries to focus on everything and feel everything at the same time. His hands and her skin and his mouth and her mouth and her fingers and her breathing and the way her body responds to his.  
  
"Forget it, forget it, we can talk later," he murmurs as they stumble into the living room. Lorelai yelps when she almost trips over Paul Anka, but manages to fall onto the couch gracefully. She looks up at him, the smile still plastered across her face. "I forgot how strong you are," she intones and he practically growls, bending down to kiss her fiercely. "God, I'm such an idiot," she murmurs after the kiss.  
  
"Hey," Luke warns her in reply as he sinks down next to her on the couch. He hates when she talks about herself that way. "If anything, we're both idiots."  
  
"King and Queen Idiot, that we are," she nods, dropping her hand to his leg. "I've missed you."  
  
His breath hitches in his chest as he hears her say this. "I've missed you, too." He bows his head in order to kiss along her neck. His teeth nip at her ear and Lorelai lets out a satisfied sigh, her hand gripping his leg. Luke lets his fingers slide under the hem of her shirt and softly along her stomach.  
  
  
*  
  
Lorelai is snuggled against his chest, his fingers tracing lazy circles on her arm, when they finally talk. "I still can't believe you did all that for the party," she murmurs. "You don't even like parties."  
  
"Sometimes they're okay. If you're there." She thinks about him showing up with ice to Rory's 16th birthday party. When Lorelai broke her leg and couldn't celebrate her birthday the way she usually loved to, Luke had made her a special birthday pie. "It's my fault. I should have told you about April."  
  
"Oh, Luke," she says, sitting up to face him. "Come on. I married another guy."  
  
"You married Rory's father." He says, as if it was the most common sense thing in the world.  
  
"Yeah, well, it's not that simple."  
  
"It never is." He shrugs nonchalantly but this subject is anything but nonchalant to her.  
  
“I wasn't over you.” She starts, but even she, professional fast-talker, knows there aren't the right words for this. “I let myself get sucked back in by Chris, but I was never over you. Really. Even he could tell that. I'm so, so sorry, Luke.”  
  
His fingers brush along the back of her neck gently. "Lorelai-" His voice cracks, raw with emotion. She lowers herself to him again, resting her chin on his chest. He strokes his thumb across her cheek. "It wasn't your fault. We both fucked it up pretty good. Let's leave it at that."  
  
She looks at him warily. "Weren't you the one who said we shouldn't keep secrets?" As soon as the words are out of her mouth, she knows she shouldn't have said that. The hurt is evident on his face and he struggles to sit up, but she grips his wrist and he pauses. "Luke, stop. I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."  
  
He rubs his jaw, remembering how this feels, all the ways they know how to wound each other, to press up against the bruises, and thinks of all the ways they've yet to hurt one another. They've been foolish to think they could resolve everything in a single evening together.  
  
Lorelai's grip on his arm is light now, her thumb stroking softly at the inside of his wrist. "I just meant we need to talk. Really talk. That's why everything went off the rails in the first place."  
  
He nods. "You're right. We need to talk. But I meant what I said. We shouldn't be holding each other responsible for what happened before."  
  
They had already apologized to each other about the dissolution of their engagement at the hay bale maze, but hearing Luke say he didn't hold her responsible for marrying another person, for marrying Chris, makes her uncomfortable. “I agree, but I still hold myself responsible for it.” She stops smoothing her thumb at the inside of his wrist and pushes herself up to sit opposite him at the other end of the couch.  
  
He studies her for a long moment. “Lorelai, you-”  
  
“It's only human,” she says quietly, carefully, half waiting for him to interrupt. “We carry those things with us. We may not want to admit it, but we do and I'm going to be carrying this around for awhile.”  
  
“I understand.” He had certainly carried around past relationships with him before. Not to mention he carried around the idea of Lorelai for so long that when he finally got the chance to be with her, he somehow found a way to mess it up. Once things fell apart, he lived with all he had said and done to hurt her. He moves towards her end of the couch, so he can see her better. Darkness had fallen since he arrived and she's sitting half in shadow. He gently touches her cheek. “I want us to have a fresh start is all.”  
  
“I get that,” she smiles. “Although, I have to admit, we've always been kinda messy, Luke Danes. And I like that about us.” He chuckles at that. If that wasn't the truth. He leans in for a kiss, his fingers brushing softly through her curls as Lorelai tips her chin up towards him, meeting him in the middle. The symbolism isn't lost on him.  
  
The combination of Luke's hands on her and his scruff against her cheek makes her whole body tingle and her stomach tighten with pleasure, with missing him, with wanting him. An involuntary shiver passes through her body. His stubble vibrates against her skin as he mumbles, “Cold?” He continues his trail of kisses down her neck and across her collarbone and it's all she can do to shake her head, not wanting to disturb his focus.  
  
He tucks one arm under her knees and the other tightly around her waist and without asking, lifts her off the couch and carries her up the stairs to her bedroom.  
  
  
*  
  
Lorelai holds him close after, her blue eyes studying his face, her fingers tracing along his jaw, her thumb worrying at the dimple in his chin. She hasn't been able to catch her breath the whole night he's been in her house. Every synapse in her brain is firing at a million miles an hour--she's sure synapses probably fire faster than that--and all she can think of to say is how much she missed him, how she never stopped loving him, and how happy she is. It all sounds so rote and cliche that the words never make it from her brain to her mouth.  
  
"So..." she prompts. She's lying on her side, tucked against him and her hand rests on his chest where she can feel the steady cadence of Luke's heartbeat.  
  
He raises his eyebrows at her slightly. "So."  
  
"Should we date?" She wrinkles up her nose at him in that totally adorable way she has and he chuckles.  
  
"Seems we're past that point, but I always liked our dates."  
  
"Me too." She seriously can't stop smiling. "Let's pick a date night."  
  
He cocks his head to one side, thinking. "Thursday? Do you still have Friday night dinner with your parents?"  
  
"In a misunderstood generous moment, yes." Lorelai rolls her eyes. "But Thursday sounds great."  
  
"Except it's only Monday and I want to see you before then," he intones and her skin prickles.  
  
"You'll see me tomorrow." Her eyes twinkle at him impishly.  
  
"At the diner doesn't count."  
  
"Then I guess we'll just have to move up our date night to Tuesday."  
  
"How about Tuesday _and_ Thursday?"  
  
She giggles delightedly. "Yes, please." She reaches up to touch his cheek gently and presses a soft kiss to his lips. He smirks at her and his eyes brighten in a familiar way, the same way they do when he gets her to laugh at a grumpy remark he made under his breath or when he's giving her a hard time about drinking too much coffee and eating too much junk food, but this is different. This is his gruff exterior slipping away and Luke letting his carefully guarded emotions spill out, just a little, like the way he looked at her last night, when he said he liked to see her happy. It all happens in a split second, but it reminds Lorelai what it's like to be loved by this man, to experience this quiet intensity of his. Luke loved her for so long, in a million gentle, steady ways, but from their first dance at Liz's wedding to their first date at Sniffy's Tavern, his intensity and capacity for deep emotion continually surprised and touched her. Her hand lingers on his cheek. “Are you staying?”  
  
His eyes search hers for an answer. “Do you want me to?” He realizes wherever they were before in their relationship—engaged, practically living together (although not in any official way)--they are no longer there. Lorelai enjoys her independence even when she's in a relationship, so he doesn't want to crowd her if she had plans to spend her first night without Rory alone.  
  
“Yes.” Her hand is still on his cheek and he takes her hand in his, pressing a kiss to her palm and the inside of her wrist before letting her go. He puts an arm around her shoulders, cradling her to him, while she situates her head safely into the nook of his chest. The weight and warmth of her feels easy and right.  
  
*

  
Lorelai wakes in the early morning hours, surprised and delighted that Luke is still there, sleeping soundly beside her, his arm draped over her hip. She takes in a deep breath and closes her eyes. She lets herself feel the weight of him next to her, lets herself listen to the sounds of his breathing and more often than not, his snoring, and lets herself catalogue the way his arm fits around her. Allowing herself this, she realizes she's never forgotten them, not really.  
  
After Chris left, the ghost of Luke slept beside her for a long time. Even though she felt badly about how things had gone with Chris, she felt even worse about how things had ended with Luke. They had treated each other poorly at the end, she knew, and after things fell apart with Chris, she couldn't help but imagine being back together with Luke. They had started a life together, something real and tangible, before they had both ruined it.  
  
She tried to transfer what she and Luke started, a true partnership, to her relationship with Chris, but it didn't work, for many reasons. For one, she and Chris had a complicated relationship of their own, but the main reason, as Chris had pointed out, was her feelings for Luke. She had never let them go.  
  
With Luke sleeping beside her now, she finally has what she longed for during those many months she spent alone. She replays the evening in her head, a heat spreading through her body as she thinks about his mouth, the way his kisses feel so sure, and she shifts slightly in bed, pressing her body into him. His snores hitch in his chest and she can feel him start against her. He takes in a deep breath and his arm around her moves away slightly. A few moments later, though, his fingers squeeze her hip. At first she thinks it's just a reflex as he's falling back to sleep, but then he's whispering in her ear, “You awake?”  
  
Her pulse quickens at his voice and she nods. “Mmmhmm.”  
  
He brushes her hair carefully over her shoulder and plants gentle kisses there, stubble scratchy on her skin. Even though their bodies are pressed together, she wants them closer and reaches for his hand, lacing her fingers through his. Luke settles against her and lets out a satisfied sigh.  
  
Things had always been so easy with Luke. From the moment he kissed her at the Dragonfly to their engagement, Lorelai felt comfortable, felt like this, finally, was right.  
  
With Max, she felt nervous and overeager, like she was trying too hard to please him. They were both verbose, but Max's education and intelligence was intimidating and she often felt herself overcompensating, trying to stay ahead. It turned into a game for her. Their relationship turned out to be a game, too, that she alone was playing. But it wasn't real or solid, even though she let herself get carried away for awhile by the idea that it was, that she felt the same way that he did.  
  
With Chris, it was a fascination with their youth. They convinced themselves that they were the same, essential selves they had been when they were 14, 15, 16, but of course, that couldn't have been farther from the truth. They had changed in dramatic ways, Lorelai suddenly when the pregnancy test was positive, and over the years, in a million little subtle ways. Truthfully, they had never known each other as adults and their shared past was not enough to build a relationship on, much less a marriage. Things had never been right with Chris. Lorelai had been fooling herself to ever think otherwise.  
  
She never felt scared with Luke. She expected herself to freak out, this was Luke after all, and taking their relationship from friends to something more should have been terrifying. But it wasn't. It had been easy because she knew her best friend was with her every step of the way. She's still not sure when the ease started to fade, when she started to doubt him or when he stopped trusting her. Now, in the dark, with Luke's steady breathing in her ear, for the first time she feels scared. Scared of losing all of this again.  
  
*  
  
Lorelai wakes in the morning to a faint ringing. Even in her slumber induced stupor, she's aware it might be Rory and races downstairs to try and find her cell phone. For a moment, she squints, trying to retrace her steps, remembering with a blush the activities of the night before, and follows the tinny melody towards the couch, where she finds the phone smushed between the cushions. Lorelai answers just as the phone kicks to voicemail. She redials Rory, not even giving her daughter time to leave a message. “Mom, I was just leaving you a voicemail,” Rory answers delightedly.  
  
“Hi, hon! Yeah, sorry, phone was temporarily displaced so it took me a minute. Are you there?” Lorelai wanders into the kitchen where she finds a note from Luke next to the coffee machine. _Had to open the diner. Didn't want to wake you. See you tonight, if not before, L_. Just like he used to do, Luke has already put the coffee grounds and water in the machine, so all she needs to do is push a button.  
  
“I'm here! I got in to Sioux City yesterday afternoon and checked into my hotel and I've already been to a barbecue, church supper, a town hall, and now I'm heading into a pancake breakfast.”  
  
Lorelai tears her eyes away from the note, realizing she was only half paying attention to her daughter. “Wow, I'm glad your Gilmore eating habits are serving you well in your new job. I knew if you weren't going to be a champion competitive eater, it would come in handy for something.”  
  
“Well, there's still time for the whole competitive eating championship.”  
  
“I hate to break it to you, but you're washed up by 19.”  
  
“Good to know. I can cross that possible career path off the list.”  
  
“Are you bailing on political reporting already? It hasn't even been 24 hours!”  
  
“No, no, I was just joking. The campaign trail is great so far. Although some of the other reporters have been trying to scare me off with their war stories, so to speak.”  
  
“Did you tell them that Gilmores don't scare easily?”  
  
“Not in so many words. I mostly nod and smile a lot, but it's all fodder for my future book.”  
  
“ _Boys on the Bus Part 2_ by Lorelai L. Gilmore.” She leans against the stove, watching the coffee percolate.  
  
“Exactly. So how are things with you? How's Stars Hollow?”  
  
Her mind goes to Luke, but since she hasn't had her normal intake of caffeine, she skips over opening that particular can of worms with her daughter. “Oh, it's totally changed,” she jokes. “Kirk took over the diner by force and Babette and Miss Patty set up a sex toy shop-”  
  
“Mom!” Rory shrieks. “Mental image, bad. Oh god, now it's stuck there forever.”  
  
“Sorry,” she says in a singsong voice, but chuckling. “I don't know. It's only been a few hours since you left. Everything's still the same, kid.” _Except I miss you terribly._  
  
“Yeah? Have you been to the diner?” Lorelai can picture her daughter ensconced in some corner of wherever they're having this pancake breakfast, a notepad in one hand, her phone in the other. Possible presidential greatness in front of her, but all of her focus and energy on her mother's relationship with the local diner owner.  
  
_It's great, hon,_ she imagines herself saying. _Luke came over last night to talk and then we had amazing reunion sex_. “Why would I ever do that?” She teases, stalling.  
  
“M-om,” Rory sighs, exasperated.  
  
“I might have gone by again yesterday because I missed you-”  
  
“Awww.”  
  
“-And Luke told me to get over it.”  
  
“He did not! I'm sure he was sympathetic.”  
  
“Well, sure.” Lorelai opens one of the cabinets, already knowing they don't have anything edible. She finds an open Pop-Tart box stuffed in the back, behind an ill-advised box of Melba toasts that Rory claimed were great for making appetizers but tasted like cardboard. “Aha!”  
  
“What was that?”  
  
“Sorry, I found a lost Pop-Tart. Sustenance!”  
  
“You were saying, about Luke?”  
  
“I don't think I was.”  
  
“Mom, I have to go soon and by go, I mean I'm flying back to Connecticut to get what really happened out of you.”  
  
Lorelai swallows the nibble of the Pop-Tart. It's stale and she wonders how long it's been hiding in the cabinet, but doesn't have the energy to get up and check the box for sell by dates.  
  
“Mommmm.”  
  
“Sorry, I was contemplating whether a Pop Tart has enough preservatives that it's safe enough to eat no matter its age.”  
  
“Sounds like you need to go to Luke's for a proper breakfast.”  
  
Lorelai huffs into the phone. “Fine. He maybe came over last night. Because he said he wanted to talk.”  
  
Rory snorts. “I'm sure that's what he wanted to do. Talk.”  
  
“Rory!” But Lorelai lets out a giggle. “We talked a little, but yeah, we got a little distracted.”  
  
“O-kay. Stop there please. But you guys talked? And? Is everything good?”  
  
“I don't know about good, hon. We have a lot to deal with, Luke and me.” The worry she felt last night starts to trickle in again. “We're going out tonight, so we'll see how it goes. First date redux.”  
  
“Aw, that's so great. Really. Will you call tomorrow and report all the details? Well, not all the details, but you know what I mean.”  
  
Lorelai smiles at her daughter's delight. “Of course. I should probably let you go. Don't want you getting in trouble your first full day on the job because you're on the phone with your mother.”  
  
“Would be worth it,” Rory shoots back. “I love you. Talk soon.”  
  
“Love you too. Bye.” Lorelai puts her phone down and sees Paul Anka eyeing her stale Pop-Tart. She breaks off a corner and feeds it to him before tossing the rest in the garbage. She pours herself the biggest cup of coffee possible and trudges upstairs to get ready for work.  
  
*  
  
Luke calls her later in the afternoon and she ducks out onto the inn's front porch to take the call. “I was wondering what time you wanted me to pick you up.”  
  
  
“You don't have to do that. I can meet you at the diner.” Lorelai can't help but smile.  
  
  
“This is supposed to be a first date. You don't tell her to meet you at your place of work.”  
  
  
If it was anyone else, Lorelai wonders if she would find this chivalrous attitude a turn-off, but with Luke it's adorable. “All right, if you insist. How about 7?”  
  
  
“Can you do 6:30? I may have made a reservation for 7.”  
  
  
“Ooh, fancy,” she coos. “What should I wear?”  
  
  
“You know I'm not good at these things.”  
  
  
“Should I wear my matching flannel?”  
  
  
“Very funny. A dress type thing would be good.”  
  
  
She giggles. “Dress type thing it is. Looking forward to it, mister.”  
  
  
She can sense Luke's eye roll from across town. “See you soon.” Lorelai stays out on the porch for a moment to collect herself. She feels bad that she hasn't said anything to Sookie about Luke, but it feels new again and she finds herself protective of that. She loves her best friend, but Sookie has a hard time keeping secrets, especially from Jackson. Which wouldn't be a problem except Jackson often gets caught up in the town gossip mill and then everyone would know. Besides, she and Luke haven't even talked about how they feel about letting people know, so it makes sense that she shouldn't tell Sookie until they decide.  
  
*  
  
In an unusual feat, Lorelai is ready early. As she waits for Luke on the couch, she finds herself jittery. She bounces her feet, tapping the heels and toes of her shoes against the hardwood floor. Luke pulls up at 6:29 and she meets him out on the porch.  
  
  
She's wearing a dark purple dress, maybe an unusual choice for summer, but she loves the way it falls on her body. It makes her hips look slim but accentuates them at the same time. She's paired it with simple silver jewelry, including the necklace Luke gave her when they first started dating.  
  
  
Luke's standing by the door of his truck, enamored by her presence. Lorelai realizes his eyes haven't left her once since she stepped out her door and she feels herself blush. “You look beautiful,” he finally manages to say when she's standing in front of him.  
  
  
“Thanks. You look nice.” He does. He's wearing gray pants with a light blue button-up, neither item she's seen before, which meant Luke went shopping, a fact of which she makes a mental note so she can tease him later.  
  
  
It's awkward. They're both just standing there, looking at each other. Lorelai wants to kiss him but she's not sure if that's the right thing to do. She takes another step towards him and he finally seems to come to his senses, pulling her into him for a quick kiss. She thinks she felt his hands shake slightly, but they seem steady enough when he opens the passenger side door for her, so maybe it was just her imagination.  
  
  
“Where are we going?” she asks as they're backing out of the driveway.  
  
  
“Woodbridge. You'll see.” Luke asks about her day at the inn and if she's heard from Rory, so she gives him the quick Iowa rundown.  
  
  
When they pull into the restaurant, she stops Luke before they get out of the truck. “Luke.”  
  
  
“What?”  
  
  
“Can we take a second and acknowledge that this...?” Her hands gesture in the truck air, waving at the space between them.  
  
  
He frowns. “What?”  
  
  
“Isn't this kind of weird?”  
  
  
He lets out a relieved sigh and admits, somewhat reluctantly. “Yeah.”  
  
  
“I think we have to get used to doing this again. It's not always easy.” Lorelai realizes both she and Luke aren't strangers to dating someone a second time. She pushes away the thought of whether things were awkward with Rachel or Nicole.  
  
  
“You're right. We'll get better at this,” he nods, squeezing her arm briefly before they get out of the truck. Luke comes around to the passenger to get her door and she lets him.  
  
  
“Oooh, Carlito's, I've never even heard of this place. Do you have a regular table here?” Luke's hand is firm at the small of her back.  
  
  
“I've never been here before. That's kind of the point of bringing you here on a date.”  
  
  
“So it's not like a _Godfather_ situation, is it?” She squints up at him.  
  
  
He raises his eyes to the heavens as if they are going to help him with his movie obsessed girlfriend. “You can't make this whole evening about The Godfather,” he replies firmly. “No cannoli, no guns.”  
  
  
“What about Fredo?” He lets out an exasperated sigh. This makes Lorelai feel better. Easily exasperated Luke felt normal. They have banter and chemistry, easily exasperated Luke and over talkative Lorelai.  
  
  
But once inside, all of her jokes fall short because the restaurant is beautiful. There aren't any of the typical, cheesy Italian restaurant decorations, like the red and white checked tablecloths or the old wine bottles with melting candles as centerpieces, instead twinkly lights are arranged delicately above the diners in a stunning canopy and there's so much greenery stretching up towards the ceiling, it seems as if trees are growing through the restaurant. Lorelai lets out an audible gasp and Luke turns towards her, his eyes sparkling. “You like it?”  
  
  
“I love it! It's gorgeous.”  
  
  
He smiles and does a half shrug, like it was a casual choice, when she knows it was thoughtfully planned. “It seemed like your vibe.”  
  
  
“Really. It's perfect.”  
  
  
Their table is tucked into the greenery, making it feel cozy and private, while still being accessible to the rest of the restaurant and its ambiance. Lorelai immediately becomes overwhelmed by the menu. Everything sounds amazing. They have about thirteen different pasta entrees she wants to order, not to mention pizza, her favorite food in the world.  
  
  
Lorelai half listens as Luke orders them wine. He'd always been such a beer guy before. Lorelai notes this new information. Her brain is all over the place, trying to concentrate on the menu, but not wanting to miss any moment with Luke. “I'll split something if you want to order more than one thing,” he offers.  
  
  
“No, no, I don't want you to order something you don't really want because I can't make up my mind. We'll just have to come back here,” she insists, pressing her face between her hands, still feeling overwhelmed with the plethora of choices.  
  
  
Luke chuckles and eyes her over the menu. “Deal.”  
  
  
After they order, she finally relaxes. Luke takes her hand across the table and rubs his thumb gently across her wrist, which he always used to do when she was feeling particularly stressed or overwhelmed.  
  
  
She watches him over dinner, so much so that he finally catches her, meeting her eyes instead of pretending he doesn't notice. He wipes his mouth and touches her hand. “What is it?”  
  
  
“Nothing.” She shakes her head but a smile tugs at her cheeks. “I'm glad we're doing this again.”  
  
  
“Me too.”  
  
  
Luke sheepishly tells her he's been reading a lot about the Obamas now that Rory is reporting on Barack's campaign. “I didn't know much about him before. He's had a really interesting life. It's all very impressive, at least in terms of what I know about politics, which isn't much.” Lorelai remembers the shelves of books at Luke's apartment, mostly non-fiction and many on various historical events, past U.S. Presidents, or world leaders, and she's sure he knows more than he's admitting.  
  
  
“I've been thinking about Rory a lot.”  
  
  
“It's understandable. It's only been a couple days.” Luke nods, listening.  
  
  
“Her leaving, it's a lot and she's going off and doing all these amazing things I never got the chance to do. She should have all those amazing experiences, that's what you work so hard for, but it makes me wonder.”  
  
  
“About?”  
  
  
“I'm realizing that you only get one chance to do all of this. I wonder if I've lived it too safely. I know I was doing a lot of it for my kid, but I know Rory would want me to have those big experiences too. It's like, you want to live better for your kid and you want them to live better at the same time. I don't know. I'm not making any sense.” She waves it away, like it's not important.  
  
  
“No, I think I get what you mean,” Luke replies, surprising her. “With April, I feel that way sometimes. At least, the part about wanting to live better for your kid. You want to be the best person for them and that makes you want to live better or bigger or something.”  
  
  
“Yes! Exactly!” Lorelai is relieved she wasn't just talking crazy. “Now that Rory is off having her own adventures, things have changed and I have to figure out what the new normal is. What I really want, I guess.”  
  
  
“And what do you want?” Luke's patient, measured responses are starting to unnerve her because she knows he's not big on change. She half expects him to be squirming as she talks about this.  
  
  
“Maybe it's selling the house and living above the diner with you.”  
  
  
“Okay, now I know you're joking,” he replies dryly.  
  
  
“Or maybe I want to travel more. What if I took a job like the one with my dad's friend? Where I was a consultant and I got to travel around to different inns. What if I did my own _Eat, Pray, Love_?” Lorelai looks at Luke, waiting for him to weigh in. She knows Luke has rarely wandered outside of Stars Hollow and he's perfectly content with his life here. Truth be told, she's happy at the inn, happy with her career and her house, but occasionally, she does feel itchy and imagines herself doing something different, somewhere different.  
  
  
“I really liked _Eat, Pray, Love_.”  
  
  
Lorelai's mouth falls open. “You read _Eat, Pray, Love_. When!?”  
  
  
He shrugs. “Last year. I know it got a lot of criticism, but I liked it.”  
  
  
She lets out a long laugh. “You never cease to amaze me, Luke Danes.”  
  
  
Luke raises his eyebrows and reaches across the table to take her hand. “I think you're capable of doing all of those things if that's what you really want.” He assures her.  
  
  
It's been a fast 48 hours. She sent her only daughter off into the world and reunited with her ex-fiancee. It's safe to say she doesn't know what she wants right now. “I was mostly thinking out loud, but thank you.”  
  
  
“That's what I'm here for.” In all that has happened between them, she sometimes forgets that Luke's listening skills are the bedrock of their friendship. All those days Lorelai came into the diner, she was never hesitant to share her thoughts and feelings on every subject under the sun, but somewhere along the line, it became clear to her that Luke actually listened to all of her ramblings and complaints. If he hadn't, they would still be coffee slinger and coffee addict, nothing more.  
  
  
“What about you? What do you want? Any big things you haven't done yet?”  
  
  
He smoothes his thumb gently over hers as he thinks. Between the wine, their conversation, and Luke's touch, she feels relaxed. The first date jitters are gone and it's her and Luke. Simple and easy like they've always been. “I don't know. I wanted to get married and have it mean something.”  
  
  
There's a ringing in Lorelai's ears, her fingers and toes go a bit numb, and she finds herself blinking back tears. Just as she was feeling at ease, Luke goes and blows her away. Their first date at Sniffy's and now their second first date. This time, she looks him in the eye, her brain screaming to say something. “Me too,” she replies softly. He squeezes her leg and she leans across the table to kiss him.  
  
  
She can't quite compose herself after that and she whispers about running to the ladies'. Once there, Lorelai braces herself against the edge of the sink in the bathroom, seeing her tear-stained reflection looking back at her. It has barely been a year, but she managed to convince herself over the past twelve months that her love for Luke hadn't been so intense and all-consuming. Now she was starting to remember how deeply she had loved him and how deeply they had hurt each other.  
  
  
Rory once told her relationships were a giant leap of faith. She meant what she said at the table, she did want to get married and have it mean something, but they had been there, together, getting ready to take that step, when Luke had stepped back from the precipice.  
  
  
When she finally gets back to the table, their plates have been cleaned away and Luke is sitting there, looking concerned. “I'm sorry. Forget what I said, okay? It was too much too soon, wasn't it?”  
  
  
“Luke, don't apologize, please.” There is a nicely wrapped to go box sitting where her plate had been. Originally, Lorelai envisioned the evening winding down with a dessert and coffee, but now she feels exhausted.  
  
  
“Really, I was being stupid and I shouldn't have-” Luke is still in the midst of trying to clear the air, which she appreciates, but isn't necessary.  
  
  
She knows he meant what he said and she had too, so there's nothing to apologize for. She lays a hand on his arm and he stops talking for a moment. “Can we go home, please?”  
  
  
“Of course.” Lorelai links her arm through his and leans against him as they walk outside.  
  
  
Before he opens the truck door for her, Luke makes her look at him, a steadying hand on her hip. “Hey,” he says quietly.  
  
  
“I didn't mean to get upset,” she replies. “I wasn't even upset, just emotional. I know we both meant what we said in there, that's not the issue. I'm...I'm starting to realize that there might be more damage to repair than I thought.”  
  
  
Luke's quiet, not sure what to make of this. “Okay,” he says slowly.  
  
  
“It's okay,” she reassures him. “We'll get there.” She leans in for a kiss. “Plus, I really liked the restaurant. Oh no! My leftovers, I left them inside.”  
  
  
“I got it,” he tells her, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek as he practically jogs back into the restaurant. He returns quickly, the box in hand, grinning at her as he gets in the truck.  
  
  
“Oh, Luke!” She adopts her Scarlett O'Hara drawl. “What ever would I do without you! Thank god you brought me my leftovers. Otherwise, I would have starved!”  
  
  
“Scarlett, you're a nut.”  
  
  
“No, come on! Do Rhett! You'd be such a good Rhett Butler because you don't give a damn!” Luke rolls his eyes but he's smiling and Lorelai giggles in the passenger seat. “Whatever, Danes. You love it.”  
  
*  
  
When they arrive back at Lorelai's house, she asks him inside. “I think I have peppermint tea,” she prods. “And you can sit and watch me eat ice cream.”  
  
  
“I don't know. Isn't the point of dating that we date and not, you know?” He gestures towards the house.  
  
  
“What? End up in my bed together every night? Didn't seem to bother you last night.” Her words are quick and fast. Before he can respond, he hears her take a breath. “Sorry, that wasn't-”  
  
  
He cuts her off. “It's fine.” Luke smoothes his palms against the soft fabric of his pants. “I think you were right, though.”  
  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
  
“About us having more to repair than we thought. As much as I want to end up in your bed tonight, and really, I've been thinking about it since I saw you in that dress, I'm not sure it's a good idea.” Luke knows this isn't the most logical argument since they slept together after their first date at Sniffy's Tavern, but it was different then, he reasons. They had been waiting for six weeks for him to get back from Maine. They had been waiting years, really.  
  
  
“I get that,” Lorelai says quietly and he feels relieved. “Will you come in for tea, though? I promise no hanky panky, but...” she trails off.  
  
  
“What?”  
  
  
“The house feels so empty, since Rory left.” Her voice sounds small in the darkness.  
  
  
He nods at that. “Yeah, let's go have tea. You got your leftovers this time?”  
  
  
“Yes, thank you.” His hand rests at the small of her back as he waits for her to unlock the door. Paul Anka greets them in the entryway, then runs off to wherever he was hiding before. Lorelai turns lights on as she walks into the kitchen and Luke is reminded of how open the house feels now, after the renovation they did to make more room for him. He tries not to think about Chris living here, however briefly that lasted.  
  
  
Lorelai puts the tea kettle on to boil and starts coffee for herself. He catches her waist before she heads to the fridge for ice cream, pulling her into him. He feels like he hasn't had the chance to properly kiss her all night, the moment in the restaurant getting swept away by Lorelai's wave of emotion. “Are you really okay?”  
  
  
With her body pressed against his, he can feel the expansion of her rib cage as she lets out a deep breath. “I am. I will be.”  
  
  
“With us and with Rory?” He knows this is a big transition for her, although she hasn't said it in quite that way.  
  
  
She nods. “Yeah, with both. I will be.” She kisses him, but her kiss feels hesitant at first, like she's still questioning something. If he's learned anything from their relationship and their break up, it's that neither of them can be rushed, so he knows he can't push her now. He has to let her come to terms with everything and be comfortable with everything again in her own time, as much as he might be ready. He kisses her back, as if in response to her questioning, hoping that he can somehow communicate to that his feelings are unwavering.  
  
  
The tea kettle starts to whistle and he lets her go reluctantly. She pours his tea and pulls the honey out of the cabinet. “I don't have lemon,” she admits. He reaches for her hand and she steps back into him. “Hi,” she murmurs, her eyes sparkling.  
  
  
“Hey,” he replies, his voice catching.  
  
  
“Did I thank you for such a thoughtful first date? Because it was and thank you.” She smiles and his hand cups her cheek as he kisses her again. She giggles against his mouth before giving in fully to the kiss. They stand there, wrapped up in each other, until Lorelai's coffee is finished perking. He lets her step away then, and he sips his tea, watching her and knowing he'll never be able to put into words how much he missed her.  
  
  
“I better go,” he says once he's finished his tea and cleaned out his mug in the sink. He heads back to the entryway, Lorelai following close behind. He turns to her by the front door. “What do you want to do on Thursday?”  
  
  
She shakes her head. “You pick.”  
  
  
“I picked tonight.”  
  
  
“Yes, but you picked _for_ me. We can't do Lorelai centered activities every date night.”  
  
  
“I'd be fine always doing Lorelai centered activities,” he replies, arching an eyebrow.  
  
  
She laughs, settling her hands on his chest. “Okay, that's not what I meant.” She smiles up at him and he seriously could break in half, he feels so much every time she looks at him. “So, think about it. Let's do something Luke would do. Even if that means staying in and watching a game of some sort.”  
  
  
He grins at that. “Okay, I'll think about it.”  
  
  
Her hands are still resting on his chest and she makes a face. He should have expected this, her pouting. “Are you sure you have to go?”  
  
  
“Lorelai,” he breathes. “I thought we agreed to have rules about this.” He puts his hands on her shoulders.  
  
  
“No,” she says innocently. “I never said that. You brought it up tonight for the first time.”  
  
  
“But don't think you think it's a good idea? Instead of just falling back into our old patterns?” Luke knows she's lonely and missing Rory and that's probably why she wants him to stay, but if they're going to have a chance, he wants to do this right.  
  
  
Lorelai blinks at him and he knows he's said something wrong. She takes a step back, dropping her hands from his chest. “What does that mean? Falling back into old patterns?”  
  
  
While her asking him to stay feels like the most natural thing in the world, he's not sure it's a good idea. “I want to do things right this time,” he says slowly. “Not that things were wrong the last time, but while we're figuring this out, maybe we should take things slow. That's all I meant.”  
  
  
She arches an eyebrow at him. “You think we're capable of that? Taking things slow?”  
  
  
He can't help but grin. “Honestly, I don't know. But you think that sounds like a good idea? Or if not a good idea, a reasonable one?”  
  
  
“I think you're very wise, Luke Danes.”  
  
  
“Good.” He wraps her into a long hug. “Will I see you in the morning?” he whispers in her ear.  
  
  
She nods. “You will.” He kisses her again before he goes. The walk to his truck feels long. He's still not sure taking things slow is the right decision, but he knows Lorelai is a relationship person. He doesn't know a lot about her relationship with Christopher, partially out of self-preservation, but he knows that after their engagement fell apart, Lorelai jumped quickly into being with Chris. He doesn't want the reverse to happen now. He doesn't want Lorelai to jump back into something with him if she isn't ready yet.  
  
*  
  
Every year, Lorelai manages to forget how hectic the summer season can be. The Dragonfly is booked with weddings every weekend, meaning boatloads of friends and family showing up late on Friday afternoon or worse, even earlier in the week, to have plenty of time for the parade of activities--bridesmaid brunches, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinners--all before the big day.  
  
  
Despite all of her work craziness, though, she manages to keep all her date nights with Luke. They have a night in, where he cooks and Lorelai lets him watch a baseball game, although she keeps asking a million questions, so watch maybe isn't the right word. Another night they drive into Hartford to see _The Philadelphia Story_ , one of Lorelai's favorite films.  
  
  
It's an amazing feeling, getting to do this again with Luke. People claim you only get to fall in love with someone once, but Lorelai finds herself falling for Luke all over again. He still makes her have butterflies when he shows up on her porch to pick her up for a date and everything feels new and special and electric, like it is truly the first time.  
  
  
As wonderful as all that is, she feels like they aren't quite on solid ground yet. Although she's at ease with Luke, their relationship doesn't feel as easy as it did before. She knows they both broke the other's trust and are still recovering from that, but she's starting to wonder if their reticence to share how they are feeling is a sign of a bigger problem.  
  
  
She keeps hearing the words Luke told her several months before. She was never supposed to be with someone like him. She was supposed to be with someone like Chris.  
  
*  
  
Lorelai was different. He saw it from the beginning, as soon as he kissed her at Rory's going away party, as soon as he gave her the necklace. But she's the same, too. Funny and brash and crazed and slow and sweet. He likes to think those last two things are specifically reserved for him. Seeing her walk into the diner still makes his whole chest seize up.  
  
  
Before, Luke would have never used the word quiet to describe Lorelai, even in her reflective moments. But now she is so quiet it unnerves him. He's trying to adjust to this version of her, but sometimes he feels lost in her silence. He wonders how much of the quiet is due to him and how much of it is Chris.  
  
  
A year had passed since she had given an ultimatum, a year had passed since he showed up in her driveway and asked her to run away with him, to elope. A year had passed since he punched Chris in the face. But a year had passed, and he had changed since then, and she had changed too. There was a distance that had opened between them during that year and he was afraid they would never be able to close it.  
  
  
He saw it in her eyes sometimes when she looked at him or when she pulled away when he expected her to stay. She had shuffled out of his apartment in the middle of the night several times, which he tried not to be offended by, but it made him worry that she was putting up walls between them.  
  
  
He understood the distance, though he was hurt by it. They had inflicted pain on one another, not to mention the heartache done by others which they both carried. He wasn't sure how to acknowledge those feelings and how to move forward in the same breath. Luke only knew that he needed her.  
  
*  
  
Even with her foresight to hire more summer staff at the inn, late one Friday night, Lorelai finds herself stuck stuffing Jordan almonds into pouches. It was Michel's turn to stay and prep the table decorations and gifts, but Paw Paw was having digestive issues and he finagled Lorelai into doing it. Sookie had been nice enough to stick around and help in order to speed up the process.  
  
  
Lorelai huffs as she forces her fingers to tie yet another tiny pouch string. “I hate this! The only redeeming quality of these almonds is that they got me out of Friday night dinner at my parents'.”  
  
  
“How is that going without Rory being around?” Sookie's noticed her best friend has been particularly on edge this summer wedding season and wonders if Rory's absence is affecting her mood.  
  
  
“About as well as you'd think,” she sighs. “I use her as a topic of conversation constantly, though. It's a nice interlude between all the long silences.”  
  
  
“Anything else fun going on? New hobbies or anything?”  
  
  
Lorelai looks at Sookie like she has three heads. “Just the usual. Long hours here.”  
  
  
“I know we're totally booked this summer, but you have to give yourself a break. You've been skulking around here way too much lately, I think you're even scaring Michel.” She cocks her head to look at her friend. “Are you thinking about dating at all?”  
  
  
Lorelai still hasn't told Sookie about Luke. In fact, they had managed to keep it under wraps and it's been nice not having the pressure of the town on them, especially since they're still trying to figure things out themselves. But she knows she has to tell Sookie.  
  
  
Sookie sees the slight smile pass over Lorelai's face. She points at her excitedly. “You are! You are dating someone! Who is he? How did you meet him? Oh, was it online? I hear that's gotten really popular lately. It's like _You've Got Mail_! Oh, does he look like Tom Hanks?”  
  
  
“Sookie, Sookie.” Lorelai laughs, trying to get in a word edgewise. Her friend finally settles down, listening intently. “First you have to promise not to say a word to Jackson.”  
  
  
“Jackson? What does he have to do with this?”  
  
  
“Nothing. I love Jackson, Sookie, but he has a big mouth and I'm not quite ready for this to get out, okay?”  
  
  
Sookie gives her a strange look. “O-kay.”  
  
  
“I'm serious. Promise.”  
  
  
“Okay, okay, I promise! Geez, what's with all the secrecy? Is this guy a government agent or ooh, is he a spy?”  
  
  
“No,” Lorelai shakes her head. She swears Sookie actually leans forward, anxiously anticipating her response. “It's Luke.”  
  
  
“WHAT!?” Not wanting to wake the whole inn, Lorelai tries to shush her, but to no avail. “Oh my god!!! Of course it is!! I can't believe you didn't tell me! Why didn't you tell me?” Sookie jumps out of her chair to give her best friend a hug and Lorelai laughs. “Oh my god, seriously. Why didn't you tell me?”  
  
  
Lorelai drops her eyes from Sookie's gaze. “We wanted to keep it quiet. We still do.” She looked back up at her best friend. “So seriously, you cannot tell Jackson.”  
  
  
“I swear,” Sookie replies seriously. “Oh my god!” She's giddy again in the next breath. “We have to celebrate! What are you doing tomorrow night? Girls' night on the town! Unless you have a date, you probably have a date with Luke, right?”  
  
  
“Actually, no. We usually see each other during the week.”  
  
  
“Oh, that's so romantic.” Sookie sighs happily.  
  
  
“Seriously,” Lorelai chuckles. “Now you're just being ridiculous.”  
  
*  
  
True to her promise, Sookie takes Lorelai out on Saturday, winding up at a wine bar in Woodbridge.  
  
  
“I still can't believe it,” Sookie says delightedly. “You and Luke! I knew you two would figure it out. So when did this happen?”  
  
  
“At Rory's party, actually.” Lorelai shrugs.  
  
  
“That was three weeks ago! This has been going on for three weeks and no one in town knows!?”  
  
  
Lorelai considers this. They've been wary of Luke spending too much time at her place, but she knows her next door neighbor. “It's possible Babette knows.”  
  
  
“And she hasn't told the whole town? That seems highly unlikely.” Sookie giggles.  
  
  
“Well, either way, I'm glad.” Lorelai takes a sip of her wine.  
  
  
“How do you mean?” Sookie watches her carefully.  
  
  
“It's given us some time to try and figure things out.” Lorelai shrugs. “I care about Luke, but I don't know.” Lorelai's face conveyed the conflicted emotions that Sookie was familiar with, maybe a little too familiar. She thought Lorelai was getting better. She didn't spook as easily as she used to but even without knowing how things were going with Luke currently, she knew this wasn't good.  
  
  
“What don't you know?”  
  
  
“I'm not sure it's right.” Lorelai lets out a long breath, as if she's been holding in that revelation for awhile. “We've been through a lot. I mean, we were engaged and then we weren't and I was with Christopher and I know that hurt Luke and it seems like disentangling ourselves from all of that isn't going well.” She traces a finger around the rim of her glass. “Maybe it's just broken. Maybe it isn't meant to be.”  
  
  
Seeing the way things had ended between Lorelai and Luke made Sookie skeptical that any of her friend's opinions were true. Sookie knew Luke had his own blame in the situation, but she also knew Lorelai ended the engagement because in a way, she was scared. Scared she loved Luke too much and scared she let him control their relationship when she was the one used to being in the driver's seat.  
  
  
“I know you guys have a lot to work through and I'm sure that can feel really overwhelming,” Sookie prompts. Her friend nods. “I think both of you have earned the right to take things slow.” Lorelai lets out a little chuckle. “What?”  
  
  
“That's what Luke wants to do. Take things slow.”  
  
  
“But that's not what you want?”  
  
  
She shrugs. “I mean, I get it. We both got hurt. But we live in a fishbowl and someone is going to find out eventually and we're going to have the pressure of the town on us and I waited ten years for him to make a damn move and I want things to feel real between us again, not like we're in this holding pattern of hurt and worry.”  
  
  
Sookie wishes beyond anything that she had the power and ability to fix her friend's doubts and worries about her relationship with Luke. She knows both Luke and Lorelai well enough to know they get in their heads about things and let their thoughts spiral out of control. Sometimes they can't see beyond themselves and Sookie knows if they could, they would see what everyone else in Stars Hollow does: they're meant to be together.  
  
  
“First of all, forget about the damn town. This is about you and Luke. You know Luke has never let Taylor dictate what he does and he's certainly not going to let him dictate how he feels, especially about you.”  
  
  
Lorelai's quiet for a moment. “But that's just it. I don't deserve him.”  
  
  
“Of course you do.” It pains her that Lorelai is this broken down and doubtful of herself.  
  
  
“No, I don't.” She shakes her head dolefully. “I've been awful to him. I gave him an ultimatum. I slept with Chris! I married Chris! Not to mention the years I tortured him by dating Jason or Max or god, Chris again and then crying to Luke about it. Why does Luke even care about me at all? All that pining, god, I don't deserve it. I'm the worst!”  
  
  
“Luke loves you. It's not a logic problem that you can figure out. It's not tit for tat. It's love. Trust me, I didn't understand what Jackson saw in me either.”  
  
  
Lorelai almost spit out her drink. “Are you kidding? You two are made for each other.”  
  
  
“And you're supposed to be with Luke.”  
  
  
“I feel like I should tell him why I did what I did with Chris.”  
  
  
Now it was Sookie's turn to almost spit out her drink. “Are you sure? Chris is like Luke's kryptonite. Besides, you married Chris because you couldn't marry Luke. How do you think that's going to make Luke feel?”  
  
  
“No,” Lorelai objects. “I—but, well, I married Chris because I was ready to get married.”  
  
  
“Yeah, but you were ready to marry Luke,” Sookie points out gently. “If you were ready to marry Chris, it would have worked out.”  
  
  
Lorelai's eyes widen in realization. “Oh, shit. I think I need something stronger than wine.” She flags down the bartender and orders a vodka tonic.  
  
  
“Seriously, you have to stop beating yourself up. Luke wouldn't be doing this if he held things against you.”  
  
  
Lorelai knows this, at least. Luke would get worked up and angry, enough to punch Chris, but he didn't hold grudges, at least not against the people who mattered. “No, I guess you're right. I still don't understand how I got this lucky, though.”  
  
  
“I'm sure Luke could fill you in on the whys and hows.” Sookie gives her friend a knowing look and lets out a giggle.  
  
  
“Dirty!” Lorelai gasped.  
  
  
“Self-flagellation over?”  
  
  
“For now. Thanks for talking me down, Sookie.”  
  
  
By the time they leave Woodbridge, Lorelai is pleasantly drunk and repeatedly tells Sookie how much she loves her. Sookie drives them back into Stars Hollow and as they pass the diner, Lorelai exclaims, “Wait! This is my stop.”  
  
  
“Doose's? I don't think it's open.”  
  
  
“No, not Doose's. Ew. The diner. I'm gonna go talk to...my man,” Lorelai slurs.  
  
  
Sookie tries not to giggle. “I'm not sure that's a good idea right now.”  
  
  
But Lorelai is already climbing out of the van, holding her finger over her lips. “Shhhh!” She shushes her friend and waves goodbye.  
  
  
“Okay, sweetie. Be careful.” She can't reason with Lorelai in this state and if something did happen, as she had so many times before, she would clean up whatever was left in the relationship wake of USS Destroyer Lorelai Gilmore.  
  
*  
  
Luke is jolted out of a dead sleep by a pounding on the apartment door. For a brief second, he thinks he's dreaming, but the pounding happens again and his body jerks awake. “Aw geez!” He groans as he stumbles out of bed. “Who is it?” he demands.  
  
  
“It's …. me.” The long pause makes him think he's dreaming again, but he pulls open the door and Lorelai is standing there, swaying slightly, staring intently at the lettering on the door's window. “That's so shiny.”  
  
  
He squints at her, still not really comprehending any of this. “Are you high?”  
  
  
She shakes her head as she trips into the apartment. Luke catches her and puts an arm quickly around her waist as she leans her weight against him. “Drunk,” she hiccups.  
  
  
As soon as she says that, he can smell it off of her. “Jesus, Lorelai. What the hell were you drinking?”  
  
He shifts her weight off of him and tries to deposit her gently onto the bed, but she slinks down as if her muscles are Jello and can't hold her upright.  
  
  
“Mmm, wine,” she murmurs. “Voka-vodka.” She sighs, the space between her responses growing longer. “Lislandtea.”  
  
  
“Okay, I'm making you coffee. And water. Don't fall asleep. Here. Sit up.” He rearranges the pillows on the bed to prop her up and pulls her into an upright position over the bed before letting her gently fall back against them.  
  
  
She eyes him suspiciously. “Why you so nice?”  
  
  
“Because.” He touches the top of her head softly and she tries to swivel her neck to look up at him. “I love you.” It is the first time he has said it out loud since they started dating again, even though he's thought it a million times. It seems a safe place to say it because the chances of Lorelai remembering any of this is very, very slim.  
  
  
She smiles at that, her face softening. “Yaya.”  
  
  
Luke turns to make the coffee, trying not to laugh at her gibberish. He knows she will be in immense pain in the morning. By the time he walks back over to her, a glass of water in hand, she is snoring lightly. He shakes her awake. “Drink this,” he demands, sitting down next to her, his hand rubbing her leg. “You need to stay awake until your coffee is ready.” She salutes him as she sips her water, almost spilling it on herself. Luke can't help but chuckle. Lorelai hands him back the water glass, even though she is only half done. “Uh uh. Drink all of it.”  
  
  
“You're mean,” she exclaims, sticking out her tongue at him, but takes back the glass.  
  
  
He can hear that the coffee is finished. “Hold on a second and don't pour that water anywhere or you're going to be in big trouble.”  
  
  
She makes a face, like he had read her mind, and he gives her a level stare back until she acquiesced and started drinking the water again.  
  
  
It's much easier to get her to drink the coffee, no surprise there. He roots in his bedside table for ibuprofen, handing her four pills to swallow. She gulps them down and sets her empty coffee cup aside. She leans back against the pillows, yawning, and murmurs sleepily, “I love you.”  
  
  
His heart beats harder and faster against his ribcage upon hearing her words. “I know,” he says quietly.  
  
  
Taking her hands in his, he pulls her up, reaching around her with one arm to place the pillows flat again. Still holding her somewhat upright with one hand, he pulls out the bedsheets from under her legs with the other. Once Lorelai is all settled, he tucks himself in next to her, reaching across her to turn out the light. In the dark, Lorelai snuggles up against him and kisses his cheek. His heartbeat is still rapid and Luke loops an arm around her waist. His throat is tight with emotion and he has so much feeling trapped in his chest, he has to take shallow breaths as he waits for it to subside.  
  
  
The next morning Luke's alarm goes off at the normal time, but Lorelai doesn't move. When he gets out of bed, she still doesn't move. Before he goes downstairs to open the diner, he checks to see if she's still breathing. By seven, Cesar arrives and Luke turns the diner over to him so he can go back upstairs and take care of his hungover girlfriend.  
  
  
Lorelai starts to stir as he tries to sneak back into bed with her. “Mmmmf.”  
  
  
“Hey, are you alive?” He whispers, stroking her back.  
  
  
“No,” she croaks. “Death. Swift.” Her head is half buried under the pillow, so her voice is muffled.  
  
  
“Why are you talking about Taylor Swift?”  
  
  
“Did you just say Taylor Swift?” She burrows herself out from under the pillow, frowning. She flinches against the soft morning light coming through the curtains. “God, it's bright in here.”  
  
  
“You want some food?” She clutches her stomach at the thought and shakes her head. He's never known Lorelai to refuse food. “You need food.”  
  
  
He starts brewing coffee and pulling out the ingredients for breakfast. When the coffee's done, he puts in a splash of milk and two sugars for her. Lorelai is still sitting up in bed, looking groggy. He takes the empty cup from the night before back to the sink.  
  
  
Luke can tell when Lorelai begins to drink her coffee because she starts to sound like herself again. “What happened last night!? How did I even get here? What did we do? What happened to Sookie?”  
  
  
“Sookie called the diner this morning to make sure you got here okay. She said she was driving you home last night and as you passed the diner, you insisted on getting out. Scared me half to death last night, though, banging on the door.”  
  
  
“Oh god, Luke, I'm sorry. I know you need your sleep.”  
  
  
“It's really okay. Cesar's got everything under control. I knew you would need me, in your state.”  
  
  
“Haha,” Lorelai replies dryly. “Thank you, though. God, I feel like crap.”  
  
  
By the time the food is ready, Luke helps Lorelai walk from the bed to the table. He's got water and Gatorade lined up next to the coffee.  
  
  
“Your little invalid,” she cracks, but even the act of sitting down makes her touch her head. “Ow.” She eats timidly at first, small bites with long pauses for hydration in between, but as she starts to get more and more food into her system, the faster she eats and the more she wants. “Can I have a bite of your pancakes, please?”  
  
  
“You finished yours?” Luke glances over at her empty plate.  
  
  
“You shouldn't be surprised by my eating habits by now.” She starts to reach for his plate, but makes too sudden a movement and closes her eyes in pain.  
  
  
Luke passes his plate over. “This is different.”  
  
  
She massages her temples. “Eating while hungover habits,” she corrects herself.  
  
  
After breakfast, she crosses carefully back to the bed, taking a cup of coffee with her. Luke clears the plates. “Luuuke,” she calls. “Stop cleaning and come here, please.”  
  
  
He puts the pans in to soak, dries his hands, and then comes over to the bedside. “What? Do you need something?”  
  
  
“I need you to get in this bed with me. Also, please talk a little quieter.”  
  
  
“Sorry,” he says softly. He's not one for naps, but he's also not going to turn down an offer to snuggle with her. He rarely takes days off and he's certainly never taken one where he spent most of it above the diner. It feels luxurious.  
  
  
As he's climbing back into bed, she speaks up. “I know I probably smell like a distillery, so I'm going to keep my distance.”  
  
  
“C'mere.” He grins, pulling her closer. He pretends to take a deep breath. “It was worse last night, actually.” Lorelai giggles against him. “So, what the hell did you and Sookie do? Lorelai?” But she's already breathing heavily, asleep.  
  
  
Luke had never seen Lorelai that drunk, but despite her previous night's appearance, he's happy that she's spending some time with Sookie. He knows Rory being gone has been harder on her than she lets on. When Rory was an hour and a half away in New Haven, it was one thing, but it's an entirely new thing now she's halfway across the country and consumed by her new career.  
  
  
He knows it's more than the Rory thing, though. While their dates have gone well, he can tell Lorelai isn't always there. She's not allowing herself to be present. There's something going on behind her eyes. He's hesitant to venture a guess because he doesn't want to jump to conclusions and scare her away. Instead he's been watching her closely, trying to figure out what makes her emotional or act rashly. He feels like he used to be so good at being able to tell what was going on with her, even before they dated. Maybe because before she wore her emotions on her sleeve and now with age, experience, and perhaps heart break, she's learned to mask them. Either way, it makes him uneasy and he's anxious to figure out what's going on.  
  
  
When Lorelai wakes later, Luke is asleep beside her, snoring softly. Her stomach flips and she stifles a giggle into the pillow. As she enjoys the view, the evening before starts coming back to her in waves. She's not sure if the wave she's feeling is panic or nausea. “Ugh,” she moans, rolling out of bed.  
  
  
Luke opens his eyes to see Lorelai sitting at his kitchen table, having clearly showered. Her hair is wet and she's dressed in one of his plaid shirts. There's a large cup of coffee in front of her. “Hey,” he murmurs. “Feeling better?” He struggles to sit up and squints at the clock. He can't believe he slept that long. She's quiet and she won't meet his gaze. “What's going on?” He joins her at the table, turning a chair backwards and dropping down into it. He crosses his arms and leans over the back of the chair.  
  
  
"I think I need to tell you what happened with Chris-"  
  
  
Before she can even finish her sentence, he's interrupting her, shaking his head. "No, Lorelai, I don't think I should hear this."  
  
  
"I think I need to in order to move past it."  
  
  
After a moment, he sighs deeply. "If you need to tell me, I'll listen."  
  
  
"Really?" Her blue eyes search his.  
  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Without much hesitation, Lorelai launches into her story. Luke realizes she must have been thinking about what to say for quite a while. His chest is tight as he listens. "I didn't sleep with him to hurt you. I slept with him because I was hurting and I didn't know where to go and I made the wrong choice.” She takes a breath, her shoulders slumping under the weight. “In fact, I froze him out for a long time after that because I felt so awful and guilty about what had happened and the feelings of awfulness and guilt were because of you. I knew I had hurt you and I knew I could never repair that. I fucked it up, Luke. I so badly wanted to get into your truck and elope, but I knew I couldn't do it harboring that big, giant secret and I knew you would never forgive me if I told you after the fact, so I told you then and it was terrible and awful and truly the worst moment of my life." She's talking so quickly that she doesn't realize she's crying until the hot tears are on her cheeks.  
  
Luke gets up to grab her a tissue from his bedside table. Lorelai takes it from him, grateful, and blows her nose. "God, I'm a mess."  
  
"I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you didn't lie. I wouldn't have wanted you to do that. That was supposed to be the happiest moment of our lives and it wouldn't have been, for you.” Luke clenches and releases his fist at his side. “I mean, I wasn't glad in the moment. I was pissed, but I'm glad now."  
  
Lorelai nods, but keeps her head down. It breaks his heart that she's still unable to look him in the eye. "And I didn't want to marry him," she confesses. "He proposed to me in Paris and I said no because I didn't think we were ready. I didn't think I was ready. But then I was stupid and we did and it was bad. Rory knew from the beginning, but I didn't. Somehow I was blind to it. Even my mother warned me that I had to take the relationship seriously. Of course I didn't take it seriously because it wasn't supposed to be with Chris. It was supposed to be with you.”  
  
She glances up in time to see Luke's eyes get soft in that terrible, amazing way that only men who are supposed to be invulnerable can soften. He looks at her, full of hope, and it takes Lorelai a moment to remember herself. “That's why I married him because I wanted to marry you. I know that doesn't make sense because Chris isn't you, but-" Her shoulders slump and she edges her eyes up at him. When she finally speaks, her voice is so small. “Are you mad?”  
  
  
“No,” he chokes out. He has tears in his eyes. Lorelai lets herself finally breathe, her emotions a mixture of relief and a swell of love for this man and his forgiving and gentle ways. A genuinely good guy under his gruff exterior.  
  
"Luke," she says softly. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"Shhh, stop apologizing.” He draws her up out of the chair and wraps her in his arms. She tucks her head into the crook of his neck, sniffling. “Thank you for telling me that. I know it wasn't easy.”  
  
“I needed you to know.” Lorelai pulls back to look at him and wipes at her face with the sleeve of his shirt that she's wearing. “I know you said to stop apologizing but I'm really sorry about last night.” She makes a face, clearly embarrassed. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”  
  
“You're welcome.” He brushes at the corners of his eyes, wiping away his own tears. “But try not to do it again. I don't like seeing you like that.”  
  
“I don't like seeing me like that either,” she groans, remembering. “But thank you, again.” Luke has a feeling she's thanking him for more than just last night. She's thanking him for listening even when he didn't want to. Lorelai smiles and leans in to give him a long kiss.


	2. July 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Luke, there had always been this feeling of wanting.

Lorelai is surprised to find Luke's truck parked in her driveway when she gets home. Even after several weeks, Luke has remained firmly planted in the taking things slow camp, a fact that has driven her a little bit crazy, but she has put up with it, spending occasional nights with him above the diner, but hardly any time together at her house. Included in the taking things slow camp is that they still haven't told people about them yet, which is beginning to wear on Lorelai because she feels she has to put on an act every time she goes to the diner.  
  
  
The house is dark, but the blue glow of the television flickers as she lets herself inside. She finds Luke spread out on the sofa, a baseball game on TV, and a beer in his hand. “Hey,” he murmurs upon her entrance and she can see his grin in the dark. He puts down his beer and pats the small strip of the sofa that's unoccupied. “C'mere.”  
  
  
Lorelai perches on the edge of the sofa, letting the tiredness seep out of her bones. Luke's hand is warm as he rubs her lower back slowly. “I can't believe I let myself get talked into helping with another wedding.” Luke sits up behind her, his hands starting to softly knead her shoulders. “Mmm, you don't have to do that.”  
  
  
“I want to,” he murmurs. Lorelai isn't going to fight him if he insists. She lets her chin tuck to her chest so he can really work the knots out of her shoulders. The man had good hands. If only she had known that all those years ago when he started repairing things around the house for her. Mentally she thought, Dirty! and chuckled to herself. “What's so funny?”  
  
  
“Mmm, I was just thinking dirty things about you, that's all.” Even though she can't see his face, she can imagine his blush.  
  
  
“Can those thoughts wait a couple minutes? I have something to ask you first.” His hands slow to a stop and he presses a gentle kiss to her shoulder.  
  
  
“You're really asking me to press pause on my dirty thoughts? That's a first.” She glances over her shoulder at him teasingly but seeing how serious he looks, she drops the flirting. She shifts in her spot on the couch, turning towards him for a better view.  
  
  
“Do you have a wedding next weekend?”  
  
  
She's sure that she does, but maybe if he has something special planned she can beg off. “Probably. Why, what's going on next weekend?”  
  
  
“It's the Fourth of July.” Luke replies. “And while I'm not big on all the pomp and circumstance, I know you like fireworks and I thought maybe you would want to go to the big town to-do. Together, I mean.”  
  
  
His obvious nervousness about asking her is the cutest thing she's ever seen. “Luke, are you asking me to a town function?”  
  
  
Even in the dark, she can see his jaw tighten. “Can we not make a big deal out of it? I know you like these things and I want to spend time with you, so we'll go.”  
  
  
“We'll go,” she agrees. She reaches up to trace the outline of his jaw. “You do realize what that means, though?” Luke lets out a grunt and she giggles. “Use your words, babe.”  
  
  
“Yeah, I know.” He's getting worked up just thinking about it. “I really wish...why does it have to be a big deal? We've dated before and broken up and the goddamn world didn't end.” _It just felt like it had_ , Lorelai thought.  
  
  
“I know,” she soothes. “But hey, the most important thing is I'll be there enjoying the fireworks with you. If people want to talk, let them talk. Maybe they'll get it out of their system.” She puts an arm around his shoulder and runs her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck until she feels him relax against her. When she finally turns her attention to the television, she notices the score of the game isn't even close, but she's content to sit in the quiet with him, watching, her fingers still stroking through his hair. After the eighth inning comes to a close, she reaches up and tugs at the collar of his t-shirt to get his attention. “Hey, man o' mine? Can we go to bed?”  
  
  
“Yeah, let's go to bed.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
With Luke, there had always been this feeling of wanting. Not only physical wanting, although there was that too, but this wanting encompassed everything. Wanting him, his love, his grumpiness, his kind-heartedness, his penchant for ranting, his broad shoulders, calloused fingers, and ever present stubble. It started slowly, a flush in her cheeks whenever someone—usually her mother—assumed they were together when they weren't. Or when Sookie reminded her that Luke was a nice guy. She was always quick to deny, but aware of the rush of blood to her cheeks and her neck, betraying her own denial. Her feelings so deeply rooted they were easy to ignore. As the wanting continued, it singed and burned her in different ways, ways she didn't expect with Luke. The jealousy she felt with Rachel and Nicole, the sting of fights with Luke, the surreptitious glances Luke thought she didn't see. When he asked her to Liz's wedding, the flames of her wanting further fanned and built into an inferno as they led to their kiss on the steps of the Dragonfly. Even through everything, this wanting hadn't gone away. Now it was a warm constant feeling in her stomach, a tingling in her fingers and toes, a hot iron on her heart, but it was still there and she felt in her bones that it would always be this way.  
  
  
*  
  
  
All week, Lorelai looked forward to the long holiday weekend, but when Friday arrived, she found herself making excuses about all the things she needed to wrap up before heading home. Sookie gave her a warning look. “This wouldn't have anything to do with D-Day, would it?”  
  
  
“D-Day? That's a horrible moniker!”  
  
  
Sookie glanced around the kitchen to make sure her staff was busy with other tasks. “I'm just trying to maintain all the cloak and dagger secret society stuff until the big reveal this weekend.” Off her best friend's look, “Come on! It won't be that bad. It's just like ripping a band aid off. Okay, so people will talk for a few days, but no big deal. You've been through all this before. And hey, at least you know everyone likes Luke!”  
  
  
Lorelai didn't need reminding about the townsfolk's tepid response to Christopher. “That's true. You're right,” she breathed. “I think I'm too in my head about this. I'm making everything worse. It'll be fine.”  
  
  
“I'm warning Jackson before hand so he has time to prepare himself and maybe he'll actually be able to have a normal conversation with the two of you at dinner.” Every year for the fireworks, Sookie makes a giant picnic spread. In the past, it was always Lorelai and Rory who joined Sookie and Jackson and the kids, but this year, it would be her and Luke. She lets Sookie talk extensively about the menu until Michel interrupts.  
  
  
“Lorelai, there's someone here to see you.” He turns on his heel to leave, so Lorelai quickly asks who it is. “Your mother,” Michel tosses over his shoulder.  
  
  
“That's weird. It sounded like he said my mother.”  
  
  
“Yeah, it did.” Sookie looks as bewildered as Lorelai feels. “Good luck?”  
  
  
As she steps out into the lobby, she could see that it was indeed her mother, dressed in what was no doubt a Chanel suit, despite the heat outside. “Mom! Hi! Um, did we have an appointment?” Lorelai tries to keep up the bright, friendly exterior she displays for the inn's guests.  
  
  
Emily responds to her daughter's greeting cooly. “Yes, Lorelai, we did. The past several Friday night dinners which you said you would be attending, but then you inconsiderately cancelled at the last minute. Since I didn't hear from you at all last week, I thought it might be a good idea to check in and make sure you were still physically capable of attending, which I now see that you are.”  
  
  
Lorelai racks her brain, trying to remember if she hadn't called last week. With the hectic wedding schedule at the Dragonfly, she admits to herself that it's possible, even likely. Feeling suddenly tired, Lorelai waves her mother into the next room so they can sit. She should at least be comfortable while her mother berates her for her social ineptitude.  
  
  
“Mom, I'm really sorry about last week. I wasn't blowing you off, I swear. Or the week before that. We've just been swamped here. It's summer wedding season and I haven't been able to get away.” She stops short, realizing something. “Don't you and Dad usually go to the Vineyard at this time of year?”  
  
  
Her mother's mouth draws into a tight line at mention of the Vineyard. “Well, we would have done, but that insipid time share that your father insisted on is impossible! The Hadelstats booked the place for the whole month without even so much as consulting us! By the time we found out, it was too late and all of the other good places were taken for the summer. Your father suggested a place on Montauk.” Emily shakes her head in disgust and Lorelai isn't sure if her disdain is for Montauk, the Hadelstats, or both.  
  
  
“I'm sure Montauk is really nice, Mom.”  
  
  
“It is not. It's unseemly! Everyone we know goes to the Vineyard over the summer and if we go to Montauk, no one will even know! They'll think we've stayed in Hartford all summer.”  
  
  
“I guess...” Lorelai is trying to follow her mother's logic, but got lost somewhere around the word timeshare. “I'm really sorry, but I have to go. I need to get some things done before the holiday weekend.”  
  
  
“Please tell me you're at least coming to dinner tonight after I drove all the way out here.”  
  
  
Lorelai is severely tempted to make a face but knows that won't gain her any favors and what she really, really needs right now is for her mom to do her a very big favor and forget about the dinner. “It's a holiday weekend,” she says as calmly as possible.  
  
  
“So? Does the holiday invalidate our agreement about Friday night dinners?”  
  
  
She wants to remind her mother that they don't have an agreement about Friday night dinners any more. Lorelai voluntarily suggested they continue out of the goodness of her own heart. It had obviously been a weak moment, one she is currently regretting. “Ah, no, but.”  
  
  
Emily's eyebrows raised for just a fraction of a second. “You have plans.”  
  
  
“Yes.”  
  
  
“Who with?”  
  
  
“That's not really any of your business, Mom.” Lorelai drops her gaze, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Now I really do have to get-”  
  
  
“Is it Luke? Are you seeing Luke again?”  
  
  
“-Back to work. What? Huh?” Lorelai stammers.  
  
  
Emily's face lifts again for just a second before returning to its cool, detached expression. Lorelai is so distracted by her mother saying Luke's name that she has no idea if the split second of expression was disdain or surprise or perhaps a mixture of both. “Are you seeing Luke again?” Emily repeats, slower this time.  
  
  
“Uh, well.” Lorelai flinches, knowing that even she, the daughter who mastered the art of deception before she turned 10, can't lie directly to her mother's face about Luke. She draws herself up to her full height. “As a matter of fact, yes I am.” In a way, it's a relief to admit it, but Lorelai isn't willing to notice her mother's expression as she says it, knowing whatever Emily's reaction is will keep her up at night as she dissects everything over and over.  
  
  
“Good. Then it's settled. You'll bring Luke with you tonight. We'll see you at 7.”  
  
  
“Uh, Mom-” Emily fixes her gaze on her daughter and Lorelai, still caught off guard that she just revealed to her mother that she'd gotten back together with the local diner owner, weakens. “Fine. 7 it is.” As soon as her mother breezes out the door, Lorelai sticks out her tongue. She slumps over to the reception desk and thinks about calling Luke, but is afraid he'll have a coronary if she tells him over the phone.  
  
  
The lunch rush is in full swing when she arrives. Normally, she would take a seat at the counter, but the counter is full. She takes a table in the corner, hoping Luke will notice and come over. Lane pauses by her table to take her drink order. “Coffee?”  
  
  
“Sure. And hey, can you ask Luke if he has a minute?”  
  
  
Lane glances towards the kitchen, a worried expression on her face. “I can ask, but I'm not going to promise it will be pretty. He's been in a mood all day.”  
  
  
_Perfect_ , Lorelai thinks. “I can handle it,” she promises. Luke emerges out of the back, his face in a semi-permanent scowl, but his brow becomes much less furrowed when he sees it's her. She can't flirt too much as they are in the fishbowl that is Luke's, but she thinks she's being subtle while still being obvious enough that he'll get it.  
  
  
“Hey, I didn't think I would see you today.” He greets her warmly. “What can I get you?”  
  
  
“Chili cheese fries and a grilled cheese sandwich, please. I'll give you an extra big tip if you promise not to comment on the amount of cheese in that order.” She smiles up at him.  
  
  
“I stopped commenting on your eating habits long ago. It's a hopeless battle.” He eyes her over his notepad and gives her a little wink.  
  
  
Lorelai is extraordinarily proud of their acting skills. She looks around to see if anyone noticed the exchange. Babette and Miss Patty are there, at a table by the window, but they aren't paying attention. When Luke returns with her food, she takes the moment he's bending down to place the plates on the table to whisper that she needs to talk to him for a minute. His eyes catch hers, curious. “Can you give me twenty? Get some of these folks out the door?” She nods.  
  
  
Recently, they haven't talked very much about everything, meaning them and where they are in all of this. Not since her night out with Sookie. Maybe that's good, a sign they are getting over that hump and moving past it. Watching Luke move around the diner, easily navigating the lunch crowd, she tries to pinpoint the first time she noticed him in that way.  
  
  
The first time she came in the diner, actually, she didn't know Luke was Luke. She thought he was simply a guy who worked there and was surprised when someone referred to him by name. Lorelai remembers thinking he was young to run his own business and admiring him. Although that didn't stop her from calling him Duke for months.  
  
  
Lorelai had been coming to the diner for several months and ranting about her days because she was fascinated by Luke's often monosyllabic responses, so she was particularly surprised during one such occasion when she spewed out everything about her day and at the end, instead of his typical grunt of acknowledgement, he made a funny quip. The grin that flashed across his face was when Lorelai started giving him more credit and their friendship began to grow. It might have been the moment.  
  
  
She's so caught up in her reveries that she doesn't realize Luke has been motioning for her to meet him in the back. He has to come by her table under the guise of pouring her more coffee and whisper, “Hey, meet me by the stairs.”  
  
  
Lorelai watches Luke disappear back there and a couple minutes later, she settles up with Lane but instead of exiting, heads towards the back.  
  
  
Lorelai expects Luke to be all business, but he pulls her into a hug. “Did you not see me wildly gesticulating?” he murmurs into her hair.  
  
  
“No, sorry, I was somewhere else. Anyway.” Lorelai steps out of his embrace and straightens up.  
  
  
“Anyway...” Luke waits for her to explain but she seems to have forgotten what she wanted. “You needed me?”  
  
  
“Yeah.” Her tone is heavy and she's grimacing. “You're not going to like this and everybody's out there, so try not to yell too loudly.”  
  
  
Luke's eyes widen. “Yell?” He crosses his arms over his chest. “What's going on?”  
  
  
“My mom came by the inn today and it's a long story and I don't really want to get into it right now but long story short.” Lorelai takes a quick breath before plowing on. “She wants you to come to dinner tonight.” Luke's chin drops to his chest and he presses his hands to his baseball hat. “I know, Luke. I'm really, really sorry. I tried to get us out of it because of the holiday and I thought my parents would be out of town, but-” Lorelai let out a dry laugh. “But it's Emily.”  
  
  
Luke doesn't look pleased by the idea, but he doesn't look as mad as she expected. “It's fine,” he lets out a long sigh. “We'll go. We'll get it over with. Maybe it's better this way.”  
  
  
“Really?” He nods and her face softens. “You're the best,” she declares, throwing her arms around his neck.  
  
  
“Yeah, yeah, keep saying that, Gilmore.” He rolls his eyes, but his mouth draws up into that easy smile he has. The same smile she remembers from the day she heard him make that quip.  
  
  
*  
  
  
On the drive to Hartford, Lorelai is quiet. He's trying to remember the last time he saw the Gilmores and whether he should prostrate himself at their feet. They've always been big fans of Christopher, he knows, but he wonders what their opinion of him is now. Of course, he's not sure what Lorelai told her parents about their break-up, if anything, if she blamed it on him or kept the reasoning to herself.  
  
  
He'd last seen Emily at the hospital when Richard had his heart attack but she was brusque and business-like, which he expected from her in a situation like that and appreciated, in a way, but it didn't give him a clear sense of what to expect tonight. Before he picked up Lorelai, he had brushed up on some tidbits that he thought might smooth things over with Richard, just in case. Lorelai's still quiet, sitting practically motionless in the passenger seat. Every once in awhile, she gets the compact out of her purse and checks her makeup. “You look amazing,” he tells her gently.  
  
  
“Sorry,” she apologizes. “I'm trying not to anticipate the worst here, but I'm anticipating the worst!”  
  
  
“At least you're prepared. I'm not sure what I'm walking into.”  
  
  
“What do you mean?” She blinks at him.  
  
  
“I mean...how much do they know about our break up?”  
  
  
Lorelai snorts. “Practically nothing. I told my mother that there wasn't going to be a wedding and the next time I saw her, she told me I was just fine on my own, that I didn't need a man.”  
  
  
“Well, I don't disagree, but selfishly, I'm glad its me.”  
  
  
Lorelai's mouth drops open. “Luke!”  
  
  
He shrugs. This shouldn't be news. “Well, I am.”  
  
  
“I've just never heard you talk that way before. With such...bravado.”  
  
  
“Hey, I get to brag a little, don't I?” He's trying to keep his eyes on the road, but he could see Lorelai drop her gaze into her lap for just a moment, before looking up at him again.  
  
  
“Brag all you want, mister.” She smiles.  
  
  
“So your mother told you you didn't need a man...” He prompts.  
  
  
“Oh, right. Yeah, so that's all I said. She made me feel guilty that she had to cancel her fancy party for us, but other than that, we never spoke of it again. The Gilmore way.”  
  
  
“And Chris?”  
  
  
“What about him?” Lorelai's voice is harsh. “Sorry,” she apologizes. “Uh, pretty much the same. I told my mother that things were over with Chris and we never spoke of it again. In fact, she saw it coming before I did.” The silence that falls over the truck makes him more uncomfortable than Lorelai's nervous silence earlier. This silence means that Lorelai is thinking about Chris and the way things ended with him.  
  
  
As they get closer to Hartford, Lorelai tells him the exit to take and where to turn. “I remember where your parents' place is.”  
  
  
“You do?” She looks surprised.  
  
  
“We were together two years.”  
  
  
“Yeah,” she says quietly.  
  
  
Lorelai reaches for his hand as they step up to the door at her parents'. “Luke, I'm-”  
  
  
“Don't apologize. It's gonna be fine.” He squeezes her hand. She's watching him carefully and opens her mouth to say something else, but he tells her, “Just ring the bell.”  
  
  
The maid answers the door but Emily is standing right behind her. Unlike her terse attitude earlier at the inn, she's jovial and upbeat. “Come in, come in. Lorelai, Luke, it's nice to see you.”  
  
  
“Hi, Mom.”  
  
  
Luke reaches out to shake her hand. “Good to see you, Mrs. Gilmore. I mean, Emily. How are you?”  
  
  
“I'm just fine, Luke. Thank you for asking. Can I get you a drink?”  
  
  
“Uh, just water for now.”  
  
  
“I'll have a white wine.” Lorelai lets her mother go into the living room ahead of them and leans over to Luke. “Is it just me or is she in a good mood?”  
  
  
“Seems so,” he shrugs, figuring Lorelai would know her mother better than him. He honestly has a hard time knowing when Emily Gilmore is being genuinely nice, although he has no problem figuring out when she's being genuinely serious about something. Emily presents their drinks and sits across from them on the matching couch.  
  
  
“Where's Dad?” Lorelai asks. She starts to reach for Luke's hand again, but he brushes a piece of lint off his pants and rests his hands on his knees, so she drops her hand to her lap.  
  
  
“Oh, he got home a little late from the club. He's just changing. He should be down any minute now.” Luke is suddenly aware that Emily's gaze is on him. “Are you sure I can't get you a drink?”  
  
  
“Oh, I'm driving, so I figure sticking with water is better.” He smiles.  
  
  
“Smart. Very smart.” Emily focuses back on Lorelai. “Have you heard from Rory recently?” Since Luke has heard Lorelai's updates on Rory almost as they happen, he tries to focus on Emily's reactions without being too obvious. He's not perceptive nor does he claim to know anything about body language, except maybe Lorelai's, but knowing how involved Emily is in her granddaughter's life helps. She leans forward slightly as Lorelai is talking about Rory, nodding and listening intently. Luke can tell when Richard appears on the stairs, because Emily's gaze looks past them and her whole face lights up. “There you are!” She exclaims, rising to make her husband a drink.  
  
  
“Oh no, Emily, please sit. I'll make myself a drink in a minute,” he tells her. “Luke, it's a pleasure to see you again. Lorelai, it's nice for you to finally join us for dinner. I know it's not the same without Rory here, but we all have to soldier on as well as we can.”  
  
  
Lorelai looks touched by her father's remarks. “Thanks, Dad.” Her gaze catches Luke's for a minute and he nods, trying to communicate the right sentiment in a split second. “You know the farewell party that the town threw for Rory?”  
  
  
“Of course!” Richard exclaims. “It was a wonderful party. I'm glad Stars Hollow has been so good to both of you, over the years.”  
  
  
“It has,” Lorelai agrees. “Actually, Luke helped plan it. He knew I had to cancel the other party because Rory was leaving so early, so he organized the whole thing without me knowing about it.” Both Richard and Emily looked astonished. Luke can feel the blush rising in his cheeks.  
  
  
Emily is the first to speak. “Did you really?”  
  
  
Richard shakes his head in disbelief. “Damned fine party.”  
  
  
“It was very well done for being so last minute and just the sort of thing Rory likes. Simply done.” Emily replies, still awestruck.  
  
  
His cheeks are burning and he looks over at Lorelai for help, but she's just sitting back, smiling. “Oh, thanks, Emily. Richard. Lorelai's making a bigger deal out of it than it really was.”  
  
  
He tries to hedge away from taking credit, but Richard and Emily won't let him. Richard keeps muttering, “Damned fine party” until Emily tells him to stop using that kind of language in front of the guests. “Oh, Emily. It's Lorelai.”  
  
  
“I'm not sure if that was a compliment, but I'm taking it as one.” Lorelai replies cheerfully. She accidentally brushes against Luke and he takes her hand, slipping his fingers between hers.  
  
  
Emily ushers them into the dining room not long after. Unsure what to expect at dinner, Luke is dreading the moment when Richard might ask if he's looked into any franchising possibilities for the diner, particularly now after he's gained some goodwill from the Gilmores for Rory's party. But it's actually Lorelai who brings up work first. “Hey, Mom, I realized that I know someone who just opened an inn on Nantucket. I know it's not a house, but it looks nice. I could check in with her to see if she has any availability, I mean, if you and Dad are still interested in going somewhere this summer.”  
  
  
Emily seems intrigued by the possibility, but keeps insisting there's no way the inn has availability. Richard remarks on Lorelai's connections in the industry. “You really do have a head for this business. I'm sure Mike Armstrong would still love to offer you a position, if you're ever interested.”  
  
  
“Oh no, I don't think so.” Lorelai shook her head. “I turned him down before. I can't come crawling back to him now. Besides, I still don't want to sell the inn.”  
  
  
“You wouldn't have to, Lorelai. I really think you can make your own demands here. I'd reach out to Mike and see. Really, I have a feeling he would snap you up in a second.”  
  
  
Lorelai looks pleased. She cocks to her head to the side, clearly thinking this over. “Okay, maybe I will. I have been talking about needing a change.”  
  
  
Emily looks up, surprised. “Really?”  
  
  
“I think it's Rory being gone, but yeah, I'm feeling itchy.”  
  
  
As he listens to Lorelai and her parents talk about the possibilities, he keeps his head down so Lorelai can't see his eyes and pretends to be enjoying the food, although his throat is so tight he can barely swallow and when he manages, he can't taste anything. He knew she was feeling this way, but she hadn't mentioned anything about it to him since their first date. Yet now here she was talking about her father's friend and job offers and traveling.  
  
  
When he's feeling irritated or bored or out of sorts, the farthest he ever goes is camping for a few days to clear his head. Maybe to Maine if he's feeling particularly adventurous, but Lorelai is talking about going to parts of the world that he barely knew anything about, much less has any desire to visit.  
  
  
The 'friendly' advice Dean offered floats through his mind. _She wants more than this_.  
  
  
*  
  
  
Driving back home, Lorelai rolls down the window a crack and tips her head towards the door so she can feel the breeze. Luke keeps his eyes on the road but every so often he glances at her. Her eyes are closed and the air drifting in the cracked truck window makes pieces of her dark hair float delicately around her face.  
  
  
As if she can sense him watching her, she speaks up without opening her eyes. “You're quiet. Everything okay?”  
  
  
He's not sure how to answer. He doesn't want to lie, but he felt out of place at her parents' house, perhaps more so than he ever had before. Before, no matter what crazy things her parents were doing or saying, he and Lorelai always entered that house as partners, but tonight it hadn't felt that way.  
  
  
“Oh no.” She sits up, her eyes wide. “Did my parents say something?” He can tell she's racking her brain trying to remember if she left him alone with them.  
  
  
“No,” he shakes his head, an almost immediate reaction. Lorelai already has a tough enough relationship with her parents, he doesn't want to add to that. “I'm thinking about this weekend, I guess.”  
  
  
She smiles, like this is the cutest thing in the world. “Are you nervous?”  
  
  
“I am, I guess. I don't know why.” He drums his fingers lightly against the wheel.  
  
  
“I am a little, but mostly, I'm excited.”  
  
  
“You are?” Luke hears the surprise in his own voice.  
  
  
“Yeah. Ready to tell everyone.” She pauses. “I mean, I like the hiding, it has it's own privileges...” Her voice drops as she's talking and he doesn't have to use his peripheral vision to know exactly how she's looking at him. His neck begins to feel hot and he can feel the blush rising.  
  
  
“Stop undressing me with your eyes.”  
  
  
“How do you know I am?” She asks innocently, but her voice is still low.  
  
  
“I can hear it in your voice.” He can tell she's still assessing him. “Lorelai.”  
  
  
“Fine.” She laughs, reaching over to turn on the radio. It's staticky, but she stops when she hears a familiar song and begins humming it under her breath. He recognizes the song and listens to her thin voice as she sings along. “If you don't love me now, you will never love me again.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
When they get to her house, Luke's stomach feels unsettled. It's unclear whether the pain is due to his impending sense of dread or the too rich food at the Gilmores. As he sips his tea, hoping to soothe his stomach, he watches Lorelai dunk jumbo marshmallows into her coffee. He's seen Lorelai eat a lot of things he would never eat, but with his stomach already bothering him, this is suddenly the worst offender. “Honestly, how can you eat that crap?”  
  
  
She bites into the gooey marshmallow and then says through a mouthful, “I thought you had stopped commenting on my food choices.” Reaching for a napkin, she wipes the corner of her mouth daintily. Any other time and in spite of himself, Luke would find this endearing.  
  
  
“Not when it's gonna kill you someday. How can you drink caffeine and eat a ton of sugar before bed?”  
  
  
If they were in front of a diner full of people, this is Luke being Luke, but here, in her house when it's just the two of them, Lorelai feels chastened. She picks up her coffee cup and dumps it out in the sink with a flourish before heading out of the room.  
  
  
“Lorelai.” But he can already hear her tread on the stairs. He sighs, knowing he should give her a few minutes. He puts away the marshmallows and washes out their mugs before following her upstairs.  
  
  
She's in the bathroom washing her face and he sinks down on the bed to wait. When she opens the bathroom door, she won't even meet his gaze, instead holding her head high as she walks over to her side of the bed. She tries to pull back the covers, but his weight on the bed only allows her to get so far in the process. “Would you please move so I can get into my bed?”  
  
  
Luke notes the 'please'. It's something. He stands. “I'm sorry. It was rude, what I said.”  
  
  
Lorelai is sitting up against the headboard with her arms crossed over her chest. Her gaze is fixed straight ahead. “Yes, it was.” Her tone is formal and while he's apologetic, he's not going to prostrate himself at her feet when she's pouting and generally acting like a five year old.  
  
  
His palms are itchy and he smoothes his hands on his pants, wondering at the smooth fabric until he remembers he's still dressed up from the dumb dinner at her parents' house. “I said I'm sorry.” Silence. “Fine,” he sighs. “I'm going back to the diner to change and I'll sleep there because I have my bread delivery tomorrow morning.”  
  
  
“What the hell is wrong with you tonight?” She practically interrupts. He looks over at her, surprised to find she's finally looking at him. Her eyes are the sharpest blue. Even more blue when she's angry. “I don't care about the comment downstairs, although it hurt my feelings, but you were practically silent at dinner. I know you don't love my parents. Hell, I don't love my parents, but sometimes I need a little back up, at the very least.”  
  
  
“Were you serious? About talking to Mike Armstrong?” Luke tries to keep his voice calm, but he notices the waver and tucks his chin to his chest.  
  
  
There's a long moment before she asks quietly, “Is that what this is about?”  
  
  
He bites the inside of his lip. She's perfectly still, afraid if she moves he'll dart away like a scared animal. “It didn't sound like there's room in your plan for me.” He says quietly. Lorelai starts to respond, but to her surprise, he continues. “And I get it. The Dragonfly is amazing. It's done well for itself and it's practically a work of art. It _should_ get you a big, fancy job where you can fly all over the world and advise people on their inns. That's what you should be doing, because you're smart and talented and capable and professional.” Luke glances up as he's talking, but he's not really seeing her, because he knows the look she's giving him, the why are you so amazing to me look, and if he lets himself really see her, he won't be able to do this. “But that's not me. If you want that job, Lorelai, you should take it. You deserve it. I don't want to be the guy who stands between you and what you really want.”  
  
  
Almost as long as Lorelai and Sookie have had the idea, Luke has known it was their professional dream to open their own inn. He's been endlessly supportive, sitting down with Lorelai to discuss how he started the diner, listening to her every little worry during the Dragonfly's construction, and soothing her—literally--when she was underwater financially. Not to mention the $30,000 loan. Of course this same man would sacrifice himself for her career.  
  
  
Lorelai opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it. The enormity of his words are beginning to sink in. How could he ever think she would choose her career over him? “What are you talking about?” Her throat feels dry. She can't get enough air. “You're not in the way. I always want you here.” He stands on the other side of the bed, half expecting to be walking out the door, but the rawness and emotion in her voice roots him to the floor. “Luke.” She crawls down to the foot of the bed, mere inches from him. Lorelai draws herself up onto her knees so he might be forced to look at her.  
  
  
Luke takes a step back. It physically pains him to have her so close. He shakes his head, finding it hard to speak without his voice cracking, betraying his emotion. “No, it's better if you do things on your own,” he chokes out. “I don't want to be the thing that's holding you back.”  
  
  
“How can you even think that?” Lorelai cradles one arm across her body, her hand resting at the crook of her elbow. She can feel tears pooling in the corner of her eyes. “I love you. Do you know how long I've waited to find this?” He hears her sad laugh, because she knows he knows exactly how long. Luke flashes back to an evening when she slipped into the diner late and poured her heart out to him. She was afraid she would never have the whole package. “I'm not going to give this up, I'm not going to give _you_ up for some stupid job.”  
  
  
She reaches out, her hand tugging at the sleeve of his shirt, pulling him closer. There are large circles under his eyes, like he hasn't been sleeping, something she wasn't aware of, even though he's been beside her in bed every night for the past two weeks. He puts his hands gently on her shoulders and steps towards the bed. Lorelai tips her head into his chest and she can feel the tautness of his muscles through his shirt. Luke presses a kiss to the top of her head. He shifts slightly, his mouth near her ear. “I love you, too.” Lorelai shivers against him. His hands slide down her arms and he takes her hands in his, helping her off the bed so he can draw her into him fully. She tucks her face into his shoulder and his hands stroke softly at her spine.  
  
  
When she pulls back to look at him, her eyes are gentle and serene. She traces her thumb lightly along his jawline. “Can I ask where all of this is coming from?”  
  
  
“It's not crazy to think you might want more than this. You said yourself you were antsy.”  
  
  
“I know, but my god, babe. I never meant Stars Hollow wasn't good enough. That you weren't good enough.” It pains her that Luke actually thought she was itching to leave. Lorelai knows he tends to meditate on his thoughts and feelings for days and she can't begin to assuage all of the mental pain he went through. She simply has to show him that he is enough and she's not leaving. “You're more than I deserve.”  
  
  
She presses up on her toes and kisses him, gently at first, but then Luke responds in kind, needier, and pulls her hips firmly into his. As Lorelai takes a moment to breathe, his stubble blazes a path down her neck as he plants kisses there. She wraps a leg around his calf and hearing Luke's guttural response makes her stomach flip. He grabs her ass and boosts her up, until both of her legs are wrapped firmly around him. Luke takes in her triumphant smile for a moment before he lowers her to the bed. His fingers get tangled in a strap of her tank top as he tries to pull it off her shoulder. Lorelai chuckles, but sits up slightly, her eyes on him as she slips the shirt easily over her head. He's still wearing his nice clothes and Lorelai must be reading his mind, because she reaches for his belt buckle, causing him to let out a groan.  
  
  
*  
  
  
Luke's internal alarm wakes him early. He's disoriented for a moment, his brain expecting the familiar surroundings of his apartment, rather than the bright airiness of Lorelai's bedroom. The renovation the two of them had undertaken really made a difference. The two of them.  
  
  
He turns carefully onto his side, not wanting to disturb her. In the night, Lorelai, who started off asleep on his chest, has moved away from him, but he finds her still curled towards him. Her curly hair pillows out behind her and he studies the light smattering of freckles on her nose, the sweep of freckles across her chest and shoulders. The pattern of freckles across her nose appear only in the summer months and he's heard her bemoan their presence, but he not so secretly loves them. In the winter, they fade but her skin still glows, pale but as luminescent as the snow.  
  
  
Her words from the night before float through his mind. He believes her. She's capable of amazing things, he meant that, but she's also capable of loving him deeply. He's not particularly comfortable with the idea that she would choose him over an amazing job opportunity, but he knows if the situation were reversed, he would do the same. They've done it a million times over the years, put the other person's happiness before their own, long before they were together. Their connection and the depth of their feelings is unparalleled, at least in Luke's experience. He's never loved someone as much as he's loved Lorelai. She was his best friend, his partner, his talkative, emotional, expressive better half and he'd waited a damn long time to find her. They'd waited a long time for each other, metaphorically and literally and last night, when Lorelai said she would choose him, that she would always choose him, it was exactly what he needed to hear to quiet the scenarios running in his brain where she didn't choose him, where she left again.  
  
  
It's not really her career he was worried about. If she received offers, they would talk through those, figure them out together. Make one of Rory's famous pro and con lists. It wasn't that. It was the deep seeded idea that she would choose someone else just as he arrived ready to spend his life with her. Even though Lorelai had told him she married Chris because she really wanted to be marrying him, it didn't dampen this seed. It did the opposite. This terrible thought grew and grew until it manifested itself in other words and ways that hurt her. Luke wonders if they will ever be good at this, negotiating the wounds they inflicted on each other. He wonders if they will ever heal. Last night, he hopes, was a step towards healing.  
  
  
Lorelai opens her eyes to Luke sitting up in bed, completely engrossed in _The Boys on the Bus_. “You stole my book,” she says sleepily. He smiles down at her, his fingers absent-mindedly running through her hair as he continues to read. “Hey,” she nudges. “Read to me?”  
  
  
“What?” The blush creeps into his neck.  
  
  
“I like listening to your voice.”  
  
  
He's quiet for a moment, but then clears his throat. “Okay.” He reads at a nice cadence, rarely tripping over words and his voice is still a tiny bit gravelly from sleep but quiet and resonant all at once, making the skin on Lorelai's arms prickle with goosebumps. Luke reads until he gets tired, then puts down the book beside him and slides back under the covers with her. She snuggles up next to his chest again, planting soft kisses there, and Luke ducks his head to press a kiss to the top of her head, his hand still running through her hair soothingly.  
  
  
“That was nice.” His hand is still running through her hair soothingly and she could easily fall back asleep, the warmth of Luke's skin against hers.  
  
  
“Did Rory give you that to read?” She can feel the vibrations of his voice from where she lays on his chest.  
  
  
She nods. “Yes. Now I can report that we've been reading it in bed.”  
  
  
“Lorelai!”  
  
  
“Oh come on, Luke,” she laughs. “She's not a kid anymore.”  
  
  
“I know, but I'd rather not think about these things.” His hand stills in her hair. “So does she know about us?”  
  
  
Lorelai slips off his chest and rolls onto her stomach, propping up on her elbow to look at him. “Yes. But Rory being Rory—intelligent, perceptive, sometimes too perceptive—she guessed.”  
  
  
“She guessed?” Luke is stunned. Even after their kiss at the going away party, he hadn't been sure of anything. “She knew we were back together? How?”  
  
  
“I don't know! The morning she left, you opened the diner early for us and then she asked me before we'd even left town.”  
  
  
“Wow, that's...observant.”  
  
  
“I _know_.”  
  
  
“I thought we were pretty subtle.”  
  
  
“Me too!”  
  
  
“Guess it was too obvious that I was happy about something.” His eyebrows lift slightly and the corners of his mouth pull up in a bashful grin and she feels a flash of love for him. Grumpy Luke was familiar to her, but seeing him happy filled her with delight.  
  
  
“What would that be?” She tries to ask innocently, but she can't stop smiling.  
  
  
“Hmm, I don't know,” he pauses, trying to keep a straight face, but finding to keep his smile hidden. “Maybe the beautiful woman who's my best friend even though sometimes she drives me nuts.”  
  
  
Her smile drops and her eyes grow wide. “I'm really your best friend?” Her voice is reverent.  
  
  
“Of course.”  
  
  
“Luke...”  
  
  
“C'mere.” He tugs her back down to his chest. His hand cups her cheek and he places soft kisses at each side of her mouth, his stubble buzzing against her skin, and then kisses her fully.  
  
  
“You're my best friend, too.” She replies, her words careful and deliberate.  
  
  
“What about Rory?”  
  
  
“You know what I mean.” She nudges him in the ribs.  
  
  
He nods solemnly. “I do.”  
  
  
She smiles. “Good.”  
  
  
“Okay, gonna get up. Gonna make the coffee and the eggs that you like and-”  
  
  
“Luke?”  
  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
  
“I love you.”  
  
  
“I love _you_.”  
  
  
“Sap.” She giggles.  
  
  
“Flirt.” He ducks out of the room as she throws a pillow at him, but he can hear her laughter as he makes his way downstairs.  
  
  
*  
  
Lorelai has her phone tucked between her ear and her shoulder. She's combing through her closet and outlining the merits and demerits of every single outfit with Rory.  
  
  
“Don't go theme,” Rory advises her. “Everything else is appropriate and you know Luke will love you in anything.”  
  
  
“So my cut offs and American flag bikini top?” Lorelai throws another top, a skirt, and an ill-advised pair of white pants onto the bed which is already cluttered with possible clothing choices and discards for the Fourth of July picnic and fireworks.  
  
  
“Definitely what I meant.” Rory mumbles.  
  
  
“Are you sure you're okay out there on the road? You sound a little down, sweets.”  
  
  
“I'm fine,” she replies. “I guess I'm sad to be missing out. You know I love Fourth of July in Stars Hollow. I really wish I could see you and Luke at the picnic. I can't believe you convinced him to go.”  
  
  
“He asked me!” Lorelai insists. “I'm sorry you're not here, babe, but I'll save you the story in the paper.”  
  
  
“You better.”  
  
  
“Is there anything else I can do to cheer you up?” Having a daughter across the country was hard, having a sad daughter across the country was worse. Lorelai likes to believe that any problem could be solved with tons of junk food, time to wallow, and more junk food. Homesickness didn't seem to fit within her normal guidelines and considering her relationship with her parents, wasn't something she'd ever experienced.  
  
  
“Hearing your voice helps. I'll be okay.” Rory wasn't sure she would, but she would at least be busy. “And maybe pick an outfit before I have to get off the phone.”  
  
  
“Okay, how about this? That denim linen-y top with my lacy white tank underneath.”  
  
  
“And nothing on the bottom?” Rory lets out a dramatic gasp. “That will get the town talking about something other than you and Luke!”  
  
  
“I'd wear jeans! Or a skirt, but I'm not sure that's a good idea considering the picnic aspect of the evening.”  
  
  
“Hey, mom?”  
  
  
“What, sweets?”  
  
  
“Do you think it would be okay if I told Luke I'm glad he's back in the Gilmore fold?” Rory was half joking, half serious. The thought had just occurred to her, but she could hear the happiness in her mom's voice every time they spoke and Luke had been in their lives, in some capacity or another, for the better part of a decade.  
  
  
“Oh, hon. I think he would love that.” Lorelai collapses against the growing heap of clothes on the bed, and decides not to tell her daughter that less than 24 hours ago, Luke was worried she would leave him.  
  
  
“I wish I could be there to tell him in person, but I know he would get embarrassed and I would get embarrassed, so maybe it's better this way.”  
  
  
“For this, maybe,” Lorelai answers. “I'm so proud of you, Rory, but this living far apart thing isn't working for us.”  
  
  
“We tried. It didn't work out so well,” Rory agrees. “I love the campaign trail, but I'm so ready to be _home_.”  
  
  
“You know there's always a place for you here.”  
  
  
“I know,” Rory says hesitantly. “But I was thinking more like New York. Or Boston.”  
  
  
“Yeah, of course.” Lorelai tries to be breezy to cover her hurt. She already knew Rory would never be back in Stars Hollow in the same way, but it's a different thing to hear her daughter articulate it. “I think that's great, hon.”  
  
  
“And Hugo doesn't want us to get burnt out, so maybe I can take a few days off and come home soon.”  
  
  
“You're welcome any time.”  
  
  
“Thanks. Okay, I should go. I can't wait to hear all the Fourth of July gossip. And have so much fun!”  
  
  
“Talk to you soon, love. Do something fun, get your mind off things.”  
  
  
“Thanks, Mom. I will. Bye.”  
  
  
“Bye.” Lorelai still wasn't used to the emptiness she felt after hanging up with her daughter, but today she tried to channel that weird energy into something productive. She can at least pick an outfit for that night.  
  
  
*  
  
  
She's been anticipating the Fourth of July festivities for so long that by the time she's waiting for Luke to show up on her porch, she's worked herself into a nervous frenzy. Lorelai was expecting to feel relieved. She was ready for everyone to know, so they could gossip and get it over with and she and Luke could continue their relationship like they didn't live in a crazy fish bowl of well-meaning townspeople who wanted the best for them both.  
  
  
When she opens the door, Luke looks so damn good it makes her reconsider the whole evening. She imagines herself pulling him inside and spending the whole night...well. He's wearing khakis—he always dresses a little utilitarian if he can get away with it—and a shirt with a plaid pattern not made out of flannel, but a lighter fabric, probably cotton. He's freshly shaved but his jaw line still has a hint of stubble and he smells amazing.  
  
  
The wanting pulses in her stomach and she smiles nervously. He must see the worry in her eyes because he reaches for her, his hand resting at the crook of her elbow. “Hey, we don't have to do this. It was just an idea.”  
  
  
“No, I'm ready. Nervous, but ready.” She admits, letting out a long breath. Lorelai's wearing a button up shirt, loose and unbuttoned, over a lacy white tank. She takes a step into him and she can see his breath catch. The sweep of his jaw line is patently unfair, she thinks, reaching up to smooth her thumb over his stubble. “You look good,” she breathes.  
  
  
“Good how?” he teases, jutting out his jaw.  
  
  
“You're really unfair,” she breathes.  
  
  
“Am I?” Luke's hand is on her waist and his fingers circle lazily against her lacy tank top.  
  
  
They're still standing in the doorway, so Lorelai tugs him inside, her breath shallow and high. As soon as the door closes behind them, Luke's mouth is on hers and the combination of his smooth skin and the faintest friction of stubble against her cheek makes her whole body weak with wanting. She presses her body into his, needing him to know, even as his weight is against her, nudging her back against the wall.  
  
  
*  
  
  
As they walk towards the lake together, their arms brushing casually against each other, Lorelai has to duck her head, afraid the glow from her face will give them away. She catches a few people peering at them curiously, but her gaze is mostly focused on Luke. He flashes her a flirty grin whenever he catches her looking and she wants to slap him on the arm and tell him he's being too obvious, but she doesn't really care. Between Friday night and today, it feels as if someone flipped a switch. They're flirty, sexy, happy. The hard words are gone and the apologies have quieted. They've reached an equilibrium.  
  
  
“Hi, guys!” Sookie greets them enthusiastically and Lorelai notes the look between Sookie and Luke as she gives him a hug. She must have prepped Jackson, because he's on his best behavior, greeting them casually. Lorelai and Sookie spread out another blanket on the ground, giving them a wide swath of four blankets, most of which are occupied by an assortment of food containers, toys, and camp chairs.  
  
  
Lorelai's starting to feel wholly unprepared for the evening, realizing she and Luke showed up practically empty handed, but then Zack appears out of nowhere, holding two large bags from the diner and with two camp chairs slung over his shoulders. “Thanks, Zack.” Luke nods, reaching into his pocket and pressing a wad of bills into Zack's hand.  
  
  
“Are you serious?” Lorelai asks, wide eyed.  
  
  
“I couldn't let Sookie do all the food prep,” Luke explains as he begins to unpack the bags.  
  
  
“Very smooth.” Jackson nods, impressed. “I can't believe people voted me town selectman when Luke has all the pull.” Lorelai laughs as she tries to imagine Luke making deals at the diner.  
  
  
A few blankets away are Babette, Morey, Miss Patty, and a man Lorelai doesn't recognize, undoubtedly Miss Patty's date. Babette notices her looking. “Hey sugar!” They all wave. Kirk and Lulu are settling down on the other side and Lulu gives Lorelai a sweet smile. Taylor and Joe are caught up in some argument down at the water's edge.  
  
  
Sookie catches Lorelai's look. “What's wrong?”  
  
  
Lorelai shrugs. “Nothing. I guess I expected more of a reaction. I figured people wouldn't be able to leave us alone all night.”  
  
  
“It's about damn time they minded their own business.” Luke replies gruffly. He lets Sookie take over food duty, arranging everything how she wants and instead sets up the camp chairs.  
  
  
She drops down into hers with a grateful sigh. “This was genius.” He reaches over for her hand and her stomach flips as he threads his fingers through hers.  
  
  
After they've eaten too much food, Luke and Jackson walk down to the lake with Davey and Martha. As she helps Sookie clean up, she watches Luke crouching down to Davey's height and listening as the little boy speaks. Luke takes Davey's hand and they tiptoe up to the water's edge. Lorelai feels a tug in her stomach as she watches them and thinks about all the moments Luke missed out on with April. She thinks about the solid steadiness with which Luke cared for her and Rory all those years. He gave his love in simple, practical actions, so rarely with words, but he was good with the words too, when he needed to be.  
  
  
She catches Sookie watching her, but to her friend's credit, she doesn't comment, instead leaving Lorelai with her thoughts. When they've cleaned up, Lorelai sits back in the camp chair and watches Jackson pretending to be some sort of creature, chasing Davey and Martha around before they finally take refuge behind Luke's legs. Sookie laughs. “Is Luke still in touch with April?”  
  
  
“Yeah,” Lorelai nods. “He's going to visit her next month. They're taking a trip to Seattle.”  
  
  
“Seattle?” Sookie sounds surprised.  
  
  
“It was April's idea,” she explains, remembering she had a similar surprised reaction when Luke told her their plans. “I think he misses having her close by.” Lorelai realizes Luke has to be missing April as much, if not more so, than she is with Rory. Whereas she and Rory spent the past 22 years together, Luke hasn't gotten the same opportunity with April. He was just beginning to know his daughter when she was taken away from him. It makes her unaccountably sad.  
  
  
When the kids, Luke, and Jackson return to the picnic blankets, Davey, exhausted, collapses onto his back at Lorelai's feet. She leans forward, looking down at him. “Davey, what were you looking at in the lake?”  
  
  
“Fishes.”  
  
  
“Wow, you could see fish?” She glances up at Luke, who is standing with his hands in his back pockets, smirking.  
  
  
“Luke showed me.”  
  
  
“Were they nibbling at your toes?”  
  
  
“No,” Davey shakes his head.  
  
  
“No? Are you sure?” Lorelai reaches out and tickles Davey's feet. “It's the fish!” Davey squeals delightedly. Luke chuckles as he watches the two of them. Martha comes over to them. “Oh, Martha wants the fish too?” Lorelai tickles both of them until they wrest themselves away, unable to breathe from laughing so hard.  
  
  
She glances up to find Luke looking at her, his blue eyes shining. She stands up to stretch her legs and walks over to him and puts an arm around his waist. He's surprised by this sudden physicality, but his arm circles around her shoulders. Lorelai wants to say something, but she's not sure where to start. Instead, she presses up on to her toes slightly, giving him a long kiss. “Ewwww,” the kids chorus behind her and Luke chuckles against her mouth, but doesn't pull away.  
  
  
There's another cry mixed in with the kids' voices and for a moment, Lorelai thinks it's a bird cry, but then realizes with a sinking feeling what the sound actually is: Babette and Miss Patty. The two of them are literally crowing, presumably over the kiss. She feels her face flush and she pulls away from Luke, but hides her face in his neck, suddenly regretting all her wishes about town attention. “Oh my god,” she murmurs, completely horrified. Luke's whole body is suddenly tense and she's not sure he's aware that he's murmuring various threats under his breath. “Don't react,” she whispers. “Please. That will make it worse.”  
  
  
So they don't. They separate themselves and sit on their camp chairs and Lorelai tries to ignore Sookie, who looks like she might burst with excitement, but to her credit, manages to contain herself. Not long afterwards, the sound of crackling fizzes and pops echo in the air. Lorelai exchanges a look with Luke and has to suppress a giggle. It's as if they started the fireworks. She cocks her head to the side as if to say, _it's possible._ He raises his eyebrows and settles back in his chair to watch. A few moments later, his hand slips over to rest on her knee.  
  
  
*  
  
  
“Did you have fun?” Luke asks as he slips into bed.  
  
  
Lorelai curves her body towards him. “Yeah, it was really nice.”  
  
  
Nice isn't a normal word in her vocabulary, unless she is talking to her mother, but Luke doesn't take offense, knowing she has other things on her mind. “You missed Rory.”  
  
  
“Yeah, of course.” She shrugs nonchalantly. Lorelai knows it's something she has to get used to. It's difficult, but she can't always be there for Rory, even when she's homesick and hurting. “Hey, Luke?”  
  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
  
She edges closer to him and places a hand on his arm. “You know you can talk about April too, right? You must miss her.”  
  
  
He's unable to find any words for a moment, but he fits his hand into hers and that's really enough. “It's hard having her so far away,” he murmurs quickly, afraid his voice will crack. Luke takes easy, shallow breaths, trying to work past the tightness in his chest.  
  
  
“I know. I get that,” she says softly. “And I want you to talk about it with me. I mean, if you want.”  
  
  
“Yeah,” he nods. “That would be good.”  
  
  
“Good.” She repeats. Lorelai looks satisfied for a moment, but her eyes are still wistful. “You're a good dad.”  
  
  
“You're a great mom.”  
  
  
“You can talk to me.”  
  
  
“So you said.”  
  
  
“About April. It's okay to be sad.”  
  
  
“Honestly,” Luke sighs. “Sometimes I have no idea what you're talking about.”  
  
  
“I just meant...you're a good dad and I wish you could have known about April sooner so you could have used your dad skills sooner.” He runs his fingers through her hair, tucking a piece behind her ear, and his thumb brushes against her cheek.  
  
  
“You want to know the way I see it?” She nods. “Obviously, I wish I could have known about April all along, so I could witness all the things a dad is supposed to witness, but that didn't happen and there's no use crying over spilled milk, so to speak, and if I had known about April and raised her, maybe I would have missed out on getting to know Rory or skipped out on trying to be some source of guidance for Jess. So I try not to think too much about the what ifs.” Her throat is tight and her stomach full to bursting with love for this man. “Besides,” he continues. “I'm not sure I would have been a good father to April twelve years ago. I think I needed to learn some things about love and a lot of those things I learned from you.”  
  
  
Her eyes flood with tears and her voice cracks as she manages to rasp out, “Oh, Luke.” She loops an arm around his neck and meets his serious, intense eyes. They stay wrapped up in each other for a long moment, each thinking about their families, both biological and chosen.  
  
  
*  
  
  
The dream is the same, even though it's been five years. There's a cacophony of noise and she's awake and surrounded by what seems like one hundred alarm clocks, all going off at precisely seven a.m. She's wearing the fabulous nightgown, except this time it's blue, and she's yelling at Luke as she comes down the stairs. He's in the kitchen, making breakfast, and she hunts for the real coffee that he's hidden. She presses up on her toes to kiss him and he kisses her back before leaning down to talk to her stomach. Except this time, it isn't twins. Luke calls the baby “little no name” and she catches his hand in hers. “William,” she tells him.  
  
  
Then she wakes up.  
  
  
She squints at the clock on the bedside table. It's nearly four a.m. Reflexively, she puts a hand over her stomach. Lying awake, she thinks about calling Rory. By five, Luke's alarm goes off and she is awake. He peeks an eye open and sees her hands knotted on her stomach and her eyes open, gaze fixed at the ceiling. “You're up,” he murmurs, his voice rough with sleep. His hand falls reflexively to her hip and gently squeezes. “Something wrong?”  
  
  
She turns her head to look at him, a gentle smile crossing her face, and shakes her head. “No, just a funny dream.”  
  
  
“Tell me about it later?” He leans in to kiss her, his hand flat on her stomach, his fingertips warm, and Lorelai feels her stomach muscles clench at his touch. If Luke notices, he doesn't say anything, just slips out of bed to take a shower.  
  
  
He's surprised when she follows him downstairs, but she's beyond antsy and knows she won't be able to fall back asleep, even after he leaves for the diner. She knew Luke was a morning person, but she's never really been awake to witness Luke in the mornings. He's softer. Nothing has yet pissed him off, there's no pent up aggression waiting for a tipping point before one of his famous rants comes pouring out. He's kind-hearted, but he's always that. Even though she knows he usually leaves the house no later than 5:30, he offers to make her breakfast and when she says she'll be fine, he insists, quickly scrambling some eggs. He's more physical, too, touching her when she's standing a foot away, pouring coffee. Sitting down at the table with her to eat eggs, his hand on her knee. The way he holds her against him at the door as they're saying goodbye even though she'll no doubt go to the diner when it's a reasonable hour.  
  
  
She waits until almost 8 to call Rory, knowing the campaign trail starts early so she won't be waking her. “Mom, hi!” Her daughter answers in a chipper mood and Lorelai hopes the homesickness is somehow abating.  
  
  
“Hi, sweetheart.”  
  
  
“What's going on there? How was the Fourth?”  
  
  
“Anti-climatic, actually.”  
  
  
“Really? No one freaked out that you were back together?”  
  
  
“Well.” Lorelai thinks of Babette and Miss Patty's weird cries. “Babette and Miss Patty. Par for the course or whatever golf catchphrase that is.”  
  
  
“I hear you,” Rory laughs.  
  
  
“I had the dream again.”  
  
  
“What dream?”  
  
  
“The dream, Rory. The dream.”  
  
  
“The Paul Anka one?” Her daughter sounds totally confused.  
  
  
“No, the dream. The Luke dream that I had like five years ago when you were away in D.C. for the summer.”  
  
  
“With the alarm clocks?”  
  
  
“I was pregnant!” She doesn't understand how that's not the headline here.  
  
  
“Oh, right, that.” Rory's quiet for a moment. “Well, it makes more sense now. You're with Luke, you've been with Luke before, you almost married Luke. Do you want to have kids with Luke?”  
  
  
“I've been awake since 4 am trying to figure that out. I don't know. Maybe. It just feels crazy to be thinking about this when we haven't even talked about moving in together or marriage or any of that.”  
  
  
“I know it's new, being back with Luke, but you were together before. That counts, too.”  
  
  
She knows it does, but she still finds herself hesitant. “I don't know. I mean, I'm 39.”  
  
  
“Tina Fey just had her first kid and she's 37.”  
  
  
“She had her kid like three years ago!”  
  
  
“Mom. My point is you can do this if you want to. It's not crazy.”  
  
  
Lorelai knows her daughter is right, but with Luke's freak out, she doesn't want to jump too far ahead. Things had been good since then, but it felt soon to have a conversation about something as serious as having kids. “Yeah, you're right,” she replies, knowing that at some point Rory will hear the reality of her relationship with Luke, but it's too complicated to get into this early in the morning. Rory has been so thrilled that they're back together and Lorelai doesn't want to burst her bubble.  
  
  
“Although if you think another kid can keep up with my fabulousness...” Rory jokes.  
  
  
She laughs. “Oh, no one could keep up with you, babe.”  
  
  
Rory's quiet for a minute and then says earnestly. “You'll figure it out. In the mean time, if you need me, call.”  
  
  
“Okay, I love you. Have a good day. Do good reporting!”  
  
  
“I'll try. Bye, Mom.”  
  
  
Rory's earnestness makes Lorelai surprisingly emotional and she stays on the couch, trying to sort through her thoughts about babies and marriage and Luke. She realizes the four of them—her, Luke, Rory, and April—haven't even spent any time together as a family. It seems like a good first step towards figuring out some of her questions.  
  



	3. August 2007 - Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ls talk and don't talk.

**August**

Lorelai always assumed the blink and you'll miss it arrivals of Augusts past were in part because the month signaled the nearing end to her summers with Rory, but here it was again and the speediness of its arrival had nothing, in fact, to do with her favorite and only child.

As usual, she is missing Rory. Whenever her daughter is away for long, she feels out of sorts, almost lopsided like she's missing a limb. Rory was probably the one who told her about the phantom limb sensations that amputees experience and now every time she thinks of something she wants to tell her daughter, Lorelai experiences a distinct pang.

She relays her phantom limb experience to Rory while sitting in between two fans in her office. The air conditioner at the Dragonfly is on the fritz and she's waiting for the repairman to show up. August, with all its swiftness, is also really, really hot. “Do you think we should be studied?”

“Because you feel like you have a phantom limb? Mmm, no.” 

“Wait, don't you feel the same way?” 

“No,” her daughter chuckles. “I mean, I miss you and I definitely mentally store things to tell you, but I wouldn't say I feel a phantom limb. Not that I know what that feels like.” 

“Well, exactly! Maybe you do and you don't even know it! I think we should be studied. I'm calling Harvard right now.” 

“Maybe  _ you _ should be studied.”

“Haha,” she says sarcastically. “It's this heat. I can't think straight.” Lorelai wipes away beads of sweat at her temple. “God, I feel disgusting. Luke is truly out of his mind if he thinks he's getting near me tonight.” 

“Ew, please!” Rory squeaks, scandalized. “But while we're on the subject, how are things going with Luke?” 

Lorelai sits back in her chair and pulls her hair off her neck into a bun. She's never sure what to say when her daughter asks about Luke. Even though she has come to rely on Rory as a sounding board regarding her relationships, it still feels strange to fill Rory in on her love life with Luke, maybe because of how all their lives have entwined over the years.

“Mom?” Lorelai isn't sure how long Rory's been trying to get her attention. 

“Sorry, I think I dozed off. It's so freaking hot here.”

“Is someone coming to fix the air conditioner soon?”

“Supposedly. Allegedly. If they don't, we have to find the guests other accommodations.” 

“Take a break. Go to Luke's. He has AC.”

“I can't,” she pouted. “I sent everyone else out on their breaks while I wait for the repair guy. Not one of my better ideas.” 

“Oh, I know something that might cheer you up!” 

“Your story is going to be on the front page of  _ The New York Times _ ?” Lorelai is now moving the fans to aim them at the couch. Lying down sounded better. 

“Okay, that is a better guess than my actual news.” Rory actually sounds disappointed.

“It'll happen.”

Her daughter forges ahead. “I was looking ahead at the schedule. We're going to be in New Hampshire...”

“New Hampshire! That's so close! Where exactly will you be living freely or dying?”

“Oh, you name it. Manchester, Keene, Nashua, Concord. But most importantly, I was thinking about coming home for a week.” 

“A whole week!? They let a cub reporter like you do that?” 

Rory laughs. “Thankfully, yes. Hugo doesn't want us to get burned out too early, so he lets us rotate out for days off.”

“That's great, hon! Well, I'm sure we don't have plans, but I'm going to clear that whole week just in case, so I can fully bask in the Roryness of it all.” As much as Lorelai is looking forward to spending time with her daughter, she's not sure if Rory's visit will ease their separation anxiety for either of them.

“Oh, I can't wait to be home. We have so much to do in those seven days!”

“I'm already starting a million mental lists. Oh wait, list making is  _ your _ thing.” 

They discuss plans for a little while before Rory interrupts her own train of thought. “Is it going to be weird?”

“Is what going to be weird? Having my only daughter home?” Rory's announcement has made Lorelai forget all about the heat, at least temporarily. 

“Is it going to be weird for me to be at the house when Luke is there?”

“Of course not! It's happened before.” Lorelai knows Luke always felt a slight unease with Rory in the house, but only because it was a new dynamic in his relationship with Rory. As protective as he was of their relationship—his and Lorelai's—he was almost more protective when it came to Rory. Despite her assurances, Lorelai watched him worry about whether the proximity in the house would mar their relationship in some way. 

“I know, but that felt different, for some reason. I guess because I was still at Yale. Does that make sense?” 

“I think you and Luke should form your own club.” 

“What's that supposed to mean?” 

“You don't know how much Luke worries about the exact same thing. He cares about you so much and he doesn't want to screw up your relationship. That man would take a bullet for you, kiddo.” Lorelai clears her throat, a little misty-eyed after her speech. 

“I don't even know what to say.” Rory's voice is verklempt too. “Tell him he's getting an extra big hug when I'm home.” 

“I will. I'm actually going to head over to the diner now. I have to get out of this heat.” 

“Okay. I'll see you soon!”

“So soon!” Lorelai pushes herself up onto an elbow, willing the bottom half of her body to move in the dense humidity.

*

She takes refuge in the diner for the rest of the morning, apparently having the same idea as about half the town, which means she gets to watch Kirk, Miss Patty, and Babette torture Luke until he has steam coming out of his ears. Mid-afternoon, the repairman finally arrives to fix the Dragonfly's air conditioning and after calling all the guests to inform them of the newly breezy conditions in their rooms, Lorelai heads home. She's starving, so when she pulls into the driveway and sees Luke's truck already there, she feels relieved and grateful, knowing he's probably got something cooking in the kitchen. After Luke and after Chris, she got used to returning from work to a dark house and imagined it mocked her for being alone. Now the house no longer seemed to be mocking her, but instead greeted her warmly, making her feel safe and loved.

Luke's earlier insistence they take things slow was well-intentioned and sweet, but neither of them had followed it very well. When he had early mornings, Lorelai spent nights with him in his apartment. In the past couple weeks, he had been spending more time at the house. As independent as they both were, they didn't like to spend time apart, and Lorelai chalked it up to all of those years of dancing around their feelings for each other. Once they were together, they were together, no holding back.

“Hi!” She calls from the entryway, noting that the house is blissfully cool. She crosses into the living room and notices two or three extra fans in the windows, creating a lovely cross-breeze.

“Hey,” Luke replies from the kitchen.

“What did you do?” As she admires the ingenuity of his fan set-up, she hears him behind her. When she turns around to greet him, her jaw drops. Instead of the typical flannel, he's wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, showing off his arms. “Luke, are you wearing a tank top?”

He makes a face. “Is that really what you call it on guys?” Lorelai is too dumbstruck to know the answer. “It was hot, so I changed after work.”

“Okay, we have to come back to this in a minute.” She shifts her focus to the fans again. “I can't believe you did this.”

“It's no big deal. Your bedroom and Rory's have the AC units. I looked for a unit for the living room but couldn't find one to fit the window. I know you prefer to sit here and watch your movies, so I figured this was a good system until we can figure out a better solution.”

“It's perfect, I love it.” She puts a hand on his shoulder. “It's even cool enough that I can kiss you.” Luke raises his eyebrows at that and leans in to her. Her hand grips his bare arm and she can't help but giggle. Her eye falls to the tattoo on his upper bicep and her face flushes as she remembers discovering Luke had a tattoo. It was the first time they slept together.

“What?” he groans.

“Seriously, this shirt.”

“Fine, I'll change.” He replies firmly.

“No, I love it! Sun's out, guns out.”

“Lorelai, honestly.” His hands are on his hips now.

“What? I'm saying you have good arms. It's a nice view.” She puts a hand on his bicep and gives him a significant glance. Her voice is low and soft when she speaks again. “You look good.”

“Yeah?” Luke raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” She kisses him softly. “Also, I like that you only parade this around for me, not the whole diner.”

“Are you nuts? Babette, Miss Patty?”

“They would have a field day,” she agrees.

“Just for you.” He replies, squeezing her hip. “Okay, I gotta finish up dinner.”

Lorelai follows him into the kitchen, asking a million questions as he cooks that she's sure he's annoyed by but he doesn't show it. After the dinner with her parents and the Fourth of July fireworks, things had fallen into a routine. Their comfort with each other made things feel right and easy, but it occurs to her as she's watching him in her kitchen, routine was what they were trying to avoid. Luke was hesitant about moving too quickly and getting serious too early, while she spent those first weeks with him wary of falling into old, hurtful patterns. “Hey, Luke?”

“What's up?” He's so intent on what he's doing he doesn't look up.

“I'm really glad you're here.”

At that, his eyes meet hers. “Me too.”

“Good,” she smiles. When he starts to set the table, she speaks up. “Actually, since you made it so nice in the living room, I thought maybe we could eat there and watch something.”

“Okay, whatever you want.” She's told him before that her top values in a relationship are feeling happy and feeling free. He's still thinking about all of this as she picks up the dishes off the table and takes them to the living room. When she returns to the kitchen, he snags her by the waist, Lorelai letting out a surprised squeak before he pulls her in for a long kiss. “I'm really glad I'm here too.”

She presses her lips along his jawline and buries her nose in his neck for a moment. Then she notices the array of food on the counter. “Wow, this looks amazing.”

With the weather being so unbearable, he's made them a cucumber and tomato salad (with lots of cheese for Lorelai's benefit), a pasta salad, and a Mediterranean chicken dish Luke claims is also good cold. “You're a genius! I'm submitting you for _Top Chef_.” She carries the salads into the living room. “Oh, I bought beer,” she calls. “It's in the fridge.”

“Now who's the genius?” Luke jokes, following her with two beers. They settle down onto the couch and he lets Lorelai pick the movie. After they're done eating, Lorelai curls up next to him, her head resting on his shoulder.

They sit quietly after the movie ends. For the most part, Luke thinks Lorelai's taste in movies is pretty good, although he would be loath to tell her that, as she would lord it over him for forever, but there are a few cult classics that she adores that he absolutely can't stand. He's learned to keep his mouth shut on those. “That was actually pretty good. Cheesy, but good.”

“Why was it cheesy?”

“It's predictable. The two opposing lawyers falling in love? C'mon.”

“Aw, Luke. Sometimes it's nice when things are predictable in movies. That so rarely ever happens in life.”

“True,” he admits. “Plus, Robert Redford.”

“Ah yes. You can never go wrong.” She smiles sleepily. “I'm glad you liked it.”

Lorelai makes him leave the dishes in the sink and they head up to bed. As she flits around the bedroom, brushing her teeth, trying to pick out an outfit for the next day, Luke sits in bed, flipping through a magazine. She pauses in the bathroom doorway. “Are you seriously reading _Allure_?”

“I forgot my book at the diner.”

“Rory has a million things downstairs. I promise she won't notice if you borrow something. Oh!” She pops her head out of the bathroom again. “Did I tell you Rory's coming home for a few days?”

“She is?”

“Yes, in a week! She's going to be in New Hampshire so she's gonna come visit us little folk.”

“I bet you're thrilled.”

“I am!” Lorelai does a little wriggly dance that makes him laugh. “Wait,” she stops suddenly. “Isn't that the same time as your trip with April?”

“I don't leave until the 18th, so I'll get to see Rory for a few days. Besides, it'll be good that the two of you have time by yourselves. I know you've been craving it.”

She can't deny that she has. She finishes up her nightly routine and climbs into bed with him. “Rory wanted to make sure you were okay with staying at the house while she's here.”

He lets out a chuckle. “She read my mind then.”

“I told her you two could form a club. Or duke it out in the yard. I'll be in the house by myself.” Pressing a hand into his chest and propping herself up on an elbow, she asks, half teasing, “Should I be concerned that both of you are worried about being in the house with me?”

“I should have seen that coming.” Luke puts his hand over hers and places a gentle kiss to her palm. “You know I'm glad to have Rory here.”

“I know.” Even though she was with Luke for two years, she feels like the three of them never got to spend time together. For nine months of those two years, she wasn't speaking to her daughter. Without Luke, she's not sure she would have made it through that time. She thinks about all the ways Luke has made room in his life for Rory, even before they were together, and she wonders how she can reciprocate.

“Hey, I know April really wants to go to Seattle, but any chance she would reconsider and have her vacation in fabulous Stars Hollow? It might be nice for the four of us to spend some time together.” His hesitation unearths feelings she thought she let go of months ago. A cold constriction creeps into her stomach, reminding her how frozen and helpless she felt when she found out Luke had kept this secret from her. Family is the most important thing to Luke and as well as he fits into hers, he never made a place for her in his. “Never mind,” she tells him quickly. “You must already have places booked. I was just thinking out loud.”

He hears the stoniness in her voice and watches as she rolls onto her side, her back to him. He still isn't good at sharing April, even though Lorelai had been dropping not so subtle hints about it all summer. In the months after Lorelai left him, he realized April was the bomb dropped on their relationship. It was far from April's fault, but rather his own ineptitude at handling the situation that caused a rift with Lorelai. His treatment of Lorelai through the following months drove a wedge between them. He had pushed Lorelai away and driven her into Chris' arms.

He touches her shoulder. “Don't do that. I do want all of us to spend time together.” He explains. “I want April to get to know you. I'm sorry I kept her from you for so long.”

She rolls back over to look at him, her blue eyes still hesitant. “Really?”

“Lorelai, of course I am. If I knew what it was going to cost me...” He trails off, unable to swallow the lump in his throat.

There's an understanding in her eyes. She fights against the covers until she's sitting up in bed again, her blue eyes wide, slightly startled by his display of emotion. She drapes herself against the right side of him, an arm slung around his neck, squeezing tight. As easy as words come to her, she's out of them right now when she needs them most. “I'm looking forward to getting to know her, too.” She finally says, settling on this nice, neutral, very true statement. Lorelai appreciates his apology, but can't help but feel they've spent the last two and a half months talking in circles. They might have done a lot of other things well together, but they never got this part right, figuring out how to be a family.

Her gaze falls to _Allure_ in his lap. “Seriously, stop reading that.”

She tries to wrestle the magazine away from him, but his hand clamps down on it just as she's reaching for it. “Hey, maybe I'm trying to find out what kind of lover I am!”

“Well babe, I can tell you that.” She wiggles her eyebrows at him and he chuckles, finally putting down the magazine to cup her cheek and kiss her softly. “Hey.”

“Mmhmm?”

“I think it might be a good idea to make this place a little manlier.”

“Huh?”

“Manlier. You know, I've got flowery sheets on the bed and fashion magazines as reading material. I want this to feel like your space too.”

“I appreciate that, but I'm actually comfortable enough with my manliness to be okay with flowers and fashion magazines.”

“Oh, Luke, you're so metrosexual,” she teases. He kisses her again, the kind of kiss that still takes her breath away. “Okay, maybe not so metrosexual,” she murmurs, fingering the stubble on his cheek.

*

It could be the heat or the fact that Rory's coming home or her conversation with Luke re-playing on a loop in her head, but Lorelai can't sleep. Of course her body would choose now to have insomnia. She could think of very few times in her life where she's been this exhausted. Hearing the catch in Luke's throat when he talked about losing her, she couldn't let herself come undone like she wanted. Instead, she held herself together for him.

She was weary of having this familiar, inevitable cycle of conversation. She was tired of seeing how broken they were. Tired of crying and feeling guilty and apologies. They've spent the last two months sorting through the problems that plagued them before, only to feel like they keep coming up against the same demons again and again. She desperately wants them to move past it, but she understands her hopes aren't going to stop Luke from feeling guilty about keeping April a secret or assuage her own guilt about sleeping with Christopher and breaking Luke's heart.

She's proud of them, too. They are working on things, committed and beside each other. No one else she has ever been with worked or fought as hard for them as Luke has. Her own history hasn't been stellar in that area. When faced with obstacles and bumps in the road, she routinely did her cha cha dance when things were getting too serious.

Things with Luke were different. She hated even thinking it because it sounded like such a cliché, but it was true. Her romantic relationship with Luke was different _and_ her friendship with Luke was different. That was really the key, their friendship. There was no cha cha'ing or running away because if they broke up, it was not only their relationship, but their friendship, which would be shattered beyond repair. Losing Luke as a friend was more unfathomable than losing him as hers, _her Luke_.

When she wrecked everything, when she didn't stay and fight, she expected all the years of carefully constructed trust and loyalty to be shattered. To her surprise, she hadn't lost him. As their relationship crumbled down around them, he hadn't let their foundation fall. It was proof to her, now, of how many different ways he loved her. He was the reason she was here. He was the reason she was fighting for this.

Even with all of their years together in various ways, she feels so incredibly lucky because she gets to fall in love with him all over again.

*

Luke actually feels nervous as he waits for the Jeep to pull into the town square. Lorelai is picking Rory up at the Hartford airport, followed by lunch with the grandparents, then they were coming straight to Stars Hollow, per Lorelai's plan. Luke had offered to take off work and make dinner for them at the house, but Rory wanted her first (well, second) meal back on Connecticut soil to be at the diner.

When they first started coming to the diner, he found Lorelai slightly intimidating, mostly because he didn't understand half of her yammerings. He wasn't a big fan of people that brought their kids to the diner, the kids usually knocked something over or had a tantrum or injured themselves playing on the stools, but Rory was different. She was quiet but polite. Sometimes she wore funny outfits, fairy wings were popular for awhile, but Luke found it charming when she did it. She didn't cause a scene—on the contrary, her mother was often the one acting out some drama or another—and often had her nose in a book. Before April, they were the closest thing he's had to family, so why he's suddenly nervous to see Rory, he doesn't know.

He's in the middle of taking Kirk's order when he sees them pull up. Kirk has a very specific list of demands, but he's only half listening as he watches the girls get out of the Jeep and walk towards the diner. For some reason, he expected Rory to look different, but she looks the same, outside of possibly getting a haircut. “Luke, are you listening?” Kirk interjects.

“Ah, I'll be right back, Kirk.” Luke sets his order pad on the table and greets Lorelai and Rory at the door.

“The prodigal daughter returns!” Lorelai announces, beaming. Luke's sure she hasn't stopped smiling since she picked Rory up from the airport.

“Luke!” Rory's eyes widen in delight.

“Hey, Rory.” Both he and Rory have always been awkward huggers, but this time it feels right, her head nestled against his chest for a brief second while he gives her a solid squeeze. He's surprised to find a lump in his throat as he ushers them to a nearby table. “Anything you want, on the house.” Luke offers as they take their seats.

“Oh, you don't have to do that,” Rory looks embarrassed but she smiles at her mother. “But I'll take chili cheese fries and some of that terrible coffee of yours when you get a second. God, I've been dreaming about Luke's coffee.”

Lorelai leans towards her daughter conspiratorially. “Now we can also get Luke's coffee at home, too.” Luke blushes and Lorelai laughs because she likes making him squirm when he's at work.

“Oh man, that's right! Good, because I'll need my fill over these next seven days.”

“I'll build a vat in the front yard and you two can swim in it,” Luke offers.

“Perfect!” Lorelai exclaims, exchanging grins with him. He steps away to finish taking Kirk's order, but when he comes back to their table to deliver the chili cheese fries, Lorelai touches his wrist. “Sit for a minute, if you're not too busy.” The lunch rush is over, so he does, pulling up a chair to sit with his girls and listen to Rory's stories of the campaign trail.

After they eat, the girls leave to corral supplies for one of their infamous movie nights. Luke promises to come by later as long as they aren't watching _Hardbodies_ , which makes Lorelai laugh and lean into him for a hug before they go. “Bye, love,” she whispers in his ear. Lorelai is usually upbeat and perky, but he sees a particular glow and warmth about her now that Rory is here. He realizes it's the version of Lorelai he fell in love with.

Luke falls asleep during the second movie of the night. When it finishes, Lorelai gently wakes him and as he's heading upstairs, he overhears her ask Rory if she's talked to her dad lately. “Not really,” Rory replies. “I sent him a postcard from Chicago but we kept missing each other on the phone. It's not a big deal.”

It's something he hasn't given much thought to since he's gotten back with Lorelai. She always told him that Chris would be a part of their lives (hers and Rory's). As confident as Luke is that Lorelai wants nothing to do with Chris now, he's thought that before, yet Chris always has a way of worming his way back into Lorelai's life. He's always had an especially ugly jealousy when it came to Christopher. He blames it on the years of Lorelai get hurt by him one too many times and Chris failing to show up for any of the important moments in Rory's life. He considers what would happen if Christopher appeared in their lives again.

*

Lorelai teases him about how he still gets up every morning to open the diner. She thinks he should go a little easier on himself and rotate with Lane and Caesar. Luke knows it is silly to cling to tradition, especially one of his own making, but he cherishes those early morning hours. The quiet lets him think. It provides a sense of routine before wading into the chaos of battling with Kirk, soothing Taylor, charming Babette and Miss Patty, and feeding Lorelai. Giving it up would be giving up a part of himself and in a sense, giving up a memory of his father. He spent lots of early hours before school and during the summers with his dad in the hardware store. Even when he got sick, the opening shift was what his dad clung to for as long as he could. Every morning when the store in his name opened, he was there.

But since he's been spending more time at Lorelai's house, he's remembering how getting up for those early shifts is an intrusion on their life together. It wasn't consistent with Lorelai's schedule and although she sleeps like the dead, his alarm wasn't subtle. Even when he was super careful and quiet moving around in the mornings, inevitably Paul Anka would hop down off his chair or jangle his collar and Lorelai would start to stir.

This morning, as his alarm goes off, he's surprised to see Lorelai already awake, her dark eyelashes fluttering in the bluish hues of the early light. “Hey,” he murmurs.

“Hi.” One of her legs tangles in between his as she nestles towards him.

Even this early in the morning, he swears her skin is glowing. “You're really happy Rory is home, huh?” He can't help but smile. He loves seeing her happy.

“Ridiculously happy. So happy I can't sleep!” She smiles at him from across the pillow, her hand tangling in the softened fabric of his t-shirt. Luke's fingers curl gently in her hair as he lowers his head to place soft kisses along her collarbone. “Are you happy?”

This is the second time in a week Lorelai has checked in with him in this way of hers and he wonders if he's not reciprocating in a way she understands. He's reminded of their Valentine's trip to Martha's Vineyard and Lorelai confessing she would like to hear him say he loves her more often. He's thought about it a lot in the intervening months, how even then, there was doubt in her mind about their engagement. His reassurances seemed good enough in the moment, but in the end, they couldn't heal the rift between them.

He's been making an effort this time to speak about his feelings and his love for her more often, but a part of him worries that she doesn't fully believe it. “I am. Happy that you're happy.” She seems satisfied with his answer and she lets her eyes close. “And hey,” he says gently. “You know I love you, right?”

She opens her eyes and tightens her grip on his shirt. “I do. And I love you.”

“Okay.” He presses a kiss to her forehead and rests his chin on top of her head. “I wanted to make sure I was saying it enough.” He whispers into her hair.

Lorelai pulls back and Luke's chin almost collides with her nose. Her eyes are suddenly wide with worry but at the same time, full of determination. “You are. I love hearing it, but I don't want you to think I'm always needing more.” Her voice cracks a little on the last part and Luke realizes she's pleading with him, in a way.

“Lorelai...” He feels stupid, not understanding the quick shift in her emotion. “I don't think that.”

Lorelai takes a shaky breath and he rubs her shoulder soothingly. “I'm sorry. Must be the lack of sleep.” He knows it's more than that, but it is early and he doesn't want to push her into talking about it.

“Okay,” he says hesitantly. “Will it help if you have coffee?”

“That always helps.” She smiles, but he can tell it's slightly forced. “Thank you.”

Luke hears Lorelai come downstairs a little while later, but when she doesn't appear in the kitchen, he finds her lying on the couch. “Your coffee, miss.” He sets down a mug on the coffee table. She pulls her knees in to her chest, so he can sit and when he does, she places her feet in his lap. Luke's hands find her arch and he gently massages the muscles there with the pressure of his thumb. Lorelai hums in the back of her throat when he finds a particularly sensitive part. He wishes she would stop wearing heels so much. “What are your plans for the day?” he asks, knowing she won't want to talk about whatever happened upstairs yet.

Lorelai rubs her eyes. “Today is mani/pedi day and standing around while Rory spends hours in the bookstore.” Luke is tempted to offer to do something, but he doesn't want to get in the way of Lorelai's time with Rory. As if sensing his desire to be involved, she reaches up to touch his shoulder. “We'll come by for pie.”

“Okay.” His hands still on her feet. “Lorelai?”

“Yes?”

“You know you can talk to me, right? That's kind of why I'm here, you know.”

She moves her feet out of his lap and sits up. “I do know. You're a good one, Luke Danes.”

“Okay.” He replies, half embarrassed at her compliment. He leans in for a kiss. “You taste like coffee.”

“That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me,” she giggles. “We'll see you later?”

“I'll be there.”

“Thanks, by the way.”

“You're welcome.” He nods, giving her a half grin before grabbing his keys and heading out the front door.

*

Rory notices that her mom seems a little quiet. Used to the campaign schedule, she's been waking up ridiculously early and reading in bed. That morning, she had heard her mom and Luke's voices. It hadn't sounded like a fight, but maybe it had been. “I'm starving,” she confesses during their mani/pedis. “Are we going to Luke's after?” Rory was hoping to read her mother's expression when she brought up Luke's, but Lorelai leans back in her spa chair, closing her eyes.

“Whatever you want,” she says simply.

Rory worries her lip and flips idly through a magazine as she tries to think of another way to approach her mom.

As they shuffle towards Luke's in their flip flops, Rory asks if everything is okay. Lorelai gives her a surprised look. “Why wouldn't it be?”

Rory shrugs. “You seem a little sad.”

“I am a little, kid.” Lorelai wraps an arm around Rory, who leans against her shoulder as they walk. “You're leaving in a few days and Luke is too. He's got his trip with April.”

Lorelai was strong and independent and perfectly capable of spending time alone, but Rory knew it was not her favorite thing. When she was younger, Lorelai would want Rory to join in whatever fun activity she thought up, usually while Rory was in the middle of doing homework. “Luke's only gone for a few days,” her mom continues, trying to talk herself out of whatever funk she's in. “And then he'll be home and we'll have fantastic reunion--”

“\--I beg you not to finish that sentence!” Rory interrupts. 

“We'll have a fantastic reunion,” she repeats for Rory's benefit. “What? That's all I was going to say.” Rory eyes her mother suspiciously, but Lorelai maintains her perfect innocence. This exchange seems to have put her mother in a better mood. She glances down at their toes. Hers are painted a dark navy blue, but her mother's are an azure, which suits her bright personality and nearly matches the color of her eyes. Rory slides an arm through her mom's and they continue their walk to the diner. 

*

That night, Rory decides to spend the evening at Lane's. Lorelai can't say she isn't grateful for her daughter's intuition. She and Luke need their space tonight.

For awhile, when they were first together, she missed their friendship. Luke had always given himself more easily to her than he did with others. She missed that particular ease of knowing each other, knowing when to talk or when not to. This is what Rory had meant about dating Luke. She couldn't just date Luke, because relationship Luke was not diner Luke. He had morphed into someone else entirely, someone with soft eyes, strong arms, and a low voice which made her name sound reverent. They couldn't go back to being coffee friends.

As they got further into the relationship, she started to see the similarities between diner Luke and relationship Luke. With relationship Luke, he still gives himself to her, like he did when they were friends, but now she gets to discover new layers of him, too. How he is softer and understanding and vulnerable with her. She loves knowing he only reveals himself this way to her because he trusts her, because he loves her.

Occasionally, there were moments she wished they could go back to diner owner and customer because she feels that relationship benefited from an extra layer of protection. It gave her added comfort and allowed her to convince herself that whatever truth she had to tell Luke wouldn't hurt him so badly. Of course, this was a facade of her own making. (She had hurt him. He had hurt her. They had fought. They had made up.)

But tonight, she really, really wishes the extra layer of protection existed, that it wasn't a figment of her imagination. She hates seeing his face fall when she brings up Chris. She's avoided talking about their relationship, even though she thinks her failed marriage to Chris is hugely important in her renewed relationship with Luke, because she knows it's painful for him.

Lorelai knows he had meant well when he asked if he was telling her “I love you” enough. It had been a sticky point in their relationship prior, a sign of their unwillingness to communicate. Hearing Luke say it now was amazing. It never failed to fill her up, but she had learned, in her intervening time with Chris, that it wasn't as necessary as she once thought. It was important, sure, but it was as only as important as the intention behind it.

She takes a breath, hoping she can hang on to these thoughts and be able to articulate them delicately for Luke. She wanders into the living room, thinking she'll watch something, but even after making herself comfortable on the couch, she feels itchy, antsy, and unlikely to spend the next two hours bathed in blue light from the TV. She doesn't want to dumb her feelings down and for a minute, she walks back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. Paul Anka follows her, his nails clicking on the floor, hoping it's a new game.

Turning back to the kitchen, she throws some tater tots on a baking sheet and as she slides them into the oven, notes the door to Rory's room is shut. In all her years, Rory has never shut the door to her room when she leaves the house. Lorelai has always found this openness reassuring. Her daughter has never had anything to hide. Lorelai thinks about opening it, but doesn't want to invade Rory's sense of privacy. Maybe she simply has bras hanging up to dry and doesn't want Luke to see.

As she waits for her tater tots to bake, her mind falls to Luke again. She's so consumed by her own thoughts she doesn't even hear his truck pull up and is startled out of her reverie by his sudden appearance in the kitchen. “What the hell are you doing?” he demands, striding past her to the stove, where he pulls out the tray of tater tots, now burned beyond recognition. “You could have burned the house down!” The tray slams against the counter and his eyes are furious as they fall on her, but they quickly soften as they take her in. “Are you okay?” His voice is softer.

She nods. “Sorry,” she manages. Lorelai looks down at her lap, pretending to examine her newly painted nails. She hears him sigh and shift his weight.

“I can make more.” He offers and she looks up to realize he means the tater tots. She's still full from her lunch with Rory and shakes her head. He should clean up their charred remains but the tray is still hot and it's too much work. Instead, he crosses to where Lorelai sits and offers her his hand. 

“What are you doing?” But even as she's asking, she slips her hand into his, lets him draw her up out of the chair, and lead her into the living room. He steps towards the couch, but before sitting, he puts his arm around her and she leans into him, wrapping her arms around his middle, and nestling her cheek against his neck. He smells faintly of fry oil and it makes her smile. His arms tighten experimentally around her and he's relieved to feel her exhale against him. 

They finally sit and she leans against him, her cheek against his shoulder, and his hand resting gently at the crown of her head. “You want to talk about it?” he asks.

She doesn't, but knows she needs to. They both need it. “Not really,” she admits with a harsh laugh.

“I know.” He soothes, moving his hand from her head to her shoulder. When she still doesn't speak up, he guesses. “Does it have something to do with-”

Luke doesn't even have to finish his sentence before she nods. “I know you don't like to talk about him.”

“That has nothing to do with this. You need it.” His tone is firm but gentle, not the usual gruffness that is reserved for work rants or Taylor is driving him crazy rants or Jess is being an idiot rants. Lorelai spots a loose thread on the inside seam of Luke's jeans, slightly north of the knee, and she slides her hand down to touch it and make sure it's not loose. He jumps against her touch and she has to stifle a laugh. “Lorelai,” he warns. She pulls her head away from his shoulder and looks him in the eye, a saucy grin on her face. His eyebrow shoots up to match her look. “If you tell me what's going on, the sooner we can get to that.” Rory isn't home. He's not an idiot. 

Lorelai moves her hand away from his leg and sinks back against the couch. “It's nothing. It's silly.” Off his imploring look, “I'm over it, really.”

“You gotta tell me this stuff, even when you think I don't want to hear it.” Luke exhales. “Because I _want_ to hear it.” She hears the urgency in his voice, the neediness, and knows without looking at his face that relationship Luke is at the ready. Diner Luke would let it go, brush it off, but relationship Luke isn't afraid to be vulnerable with her. He isn't afraid of the messy stuff. 

She slides closer until she's arm to arm with him. Luke raises his arm and loops it around her waist, pulling her back to rest against his chest. “I'm such an unholy mess of a girl.” Her voice quavers in a poor attempt at Hepburn.

“What?” 

“Watch a movie, doll.”

“She's yar.” He murmurs into her hair and Lorelai is so surprised she lets out an unbridled cackle. 

“I love you,” she laughs, her hand falling to rest on his knee again. 

“You gonna tell me now?” he says gently. 

“This morning, asking if you were saying I love you enough...” She shakes her head slightly, not even wanting to say Chris's name in Luke's presence. “He said it a lot and I...had a hard time saying it back.”

“Lorelai.”

She swallows and keeps going. “He made me feel guilty about it. I know what I said before, Luke, about saying it, but I never want you to feel like you owe me or that you have to say it.” Luke can feel her take a shuddering breath. “I want it to mean something,” she croaks as she wipes a hand across her cheek.

He doesn't know what to say. He's seen Lorelai hurt by Chris before, but he's never seen her this raw. It makes him want to tear the guy apart. Chris made Lorelai question her ability to feel and receive love. He tries to control his rage by taking a few deep breaths. Lorelai doesn't need to sense his anger right now, not when she's so vulnerable and exposed. He doesn't know what else to do, so he simply tucks her against him, her face in the crook of his neck, and strokes her back, her hair, her arms. “I'm sorry,” he murmurs over and over again.

When she finally unfolds herself from his grasp, he pretends not to notice that his shirt collar is wet, instead squeezing her knee and offering to make her coffee. She lays a hand to his cheek and kisses him. The signal is clear.  _Forget about the coffee, Luke_ . He responds in kind, deepening the kiss, and she makes a noise of surprise in the back of her throat. Her fingers find the back of his neck and slide gently into his hair as she kisses him back. The two of them stay on the couch, necking like a couple of teenagers, for a good amount of time. Lorelai is the first one to break. Her chest heaves as she catches her breath, lips are swollen, but eyes bright for the first time since this morning. “When are we knocking this up to NC-17?” she asks with a waggle of her eyebrows. 

“Go upstairs,” he says, trying not to keep his smirk under wraps. “I'm going to clean the pan and I'll be up in a minute.”

“Maybe I don't want to wait a minute,” she sasses as she stands, raking a hand through her hair to try and tame her curls. 

“It'll be worth it,” he intones lowly. She freezes, her mouth half open in shock, Luke watching as she forces herself to close her mouth and act like his voice didn't set off a thousand goosebumps on her arms. 

“I'll be waiting,” she replies in a high breathy voice. He rolls his eyes but watches her walk up the stairs, enjoying the view. 

*

“Hey,” he props himself on an elbow to look at her. “I know I've never been a big fan of Chris-”

“Pfft,” Lorelai lips buzz. “You came to blows with the man.”

Luke ignores this interjection. “But I want you to talk about the stuff you went through with him if it helps.” He places a gentle palm on her cheek. “It's not healthy, keeping all that in.”

Her eyes search his. “I don't know, Luke. That feels like a job for a therapist. Man, some poor, unsuspecting therapist would make a mint off of me. Pregnant at 16, estranged from my parents, genius child, broken engagements, failed marriage.” She lets a bitter laugh escape her lips.

He hates hearing her talk about herself this way. “I'm no cake walk.” For a brief moment, she can see the hurt in his eyes. She knows his life hasn't been easy either. Lost both his parents by the time he was 22, had his sister and nephew to look after, an ex-girlfriend who would rather be on another continent, and a daughter he didn't even know existed. Luke takes a breath, tries again. “My point is, we have to be able to talk about this, about us. That's what got us here in the first place.”

“You're right.” She nods, biting her lip thoughtfully. “I just....I want to be happy.”

“I want that, too. For both of us. Together.”

“I'm so tired.” She tugs at her hair. “Tired of being sad.”

He remembers how unmoored he felt after his divorce from Nicole. It hadn't been that long since Lorelai had gone through the same thing. He reaches over and gently disentangles her fingers from where they are gripping her dark curls. “Rory's home. You were happy this morning.” He reminds her.

“And you're here.” She traces her thumb in the slight cleft of his chin. “Your presence makes me happy. You're youness makes me happy.”

“Back at ya.” He has more to say on the matter, aware it will probably take a few times before Lorelai really hears him, but for now she tucks herself alongside him, her breath matching his and it's enough.

*

Normally, Luke wouldn't deign to check his phone while he's out with Lorelai, but as they're waiting in line to buy tickets to the movie and then waiting in line to buy popcorn, it keeps buzzing against his leg. “Sorry,” he slips his hand out of hers and reaches for his phone. He starts to say it must be a wrong number, but the screen reads 'ANNA'. “Hey, everything okay?” he answers and steps away from Lorelai and Rory. He can see the crease of concern on Lorelai's brow and can feel her eyes on him even as he hurries over to sit on a nearby bench.

“It's me, Dad.” April doesn't call him dad often, but he barely has time to register the familiarity.

“April! Hey, how are you?”

“I'm okay. I was calling because I didn't know if Mom had gotten a chance.”

He doesn't know why he didn't catch it earlier. April never calls from Anna's phone unannounced. Something's wrong. “Why? What's going on? Are you all right? Is she okay?” His breath catches in his chest and his fear instinct kicks in.

“I mean, we're physically fine, but grandma passed away yesterday.”

“Oh, April, I- I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” she replies, although she sounds somber. “I didn't really know her that well. At least not while she was in better health.”

“I know, but... This must be really hard on your mom.” He was much younger when he lost his parents, but it wasn't an easy thing, no matter the age.

“Yeah, it's weird. She went right into planning everything for the funeral. I don't even know if she's let herself be sad yet.” Even in a moment when she should be grieving, April sounded so mature and adult.

“When's the funeral?”

“There's a visitation on Tuesday night and the funeral is Wednesday morning. I was calling because I don't think I can go to Seattle right now.” She pauses. “I'm really sorry, but Mom needs me right now.”

“Of course.” He expects to feel deflated, but this has all taken him by surprise and he's not registering anything. “I understand. Whatever you want to do, I'll do.”

“Thanks. You made this easier than I thought it would be.”

“I'm here for whatever you need, April. Okay?”

“I know. Thanks.”

“Okay. Call anytime. I love you.”

“I love you too. Bye, Dad.”

He stands slowly and by the time he is on his feet, Lorelai and Rory are there, ridiculously large popcorn containers in hand. “Is everything okay?” Lorelai asks worriedly.

“Not really. Anna's mother passed away. April called to let me know.”

“Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry.” For as well as he knows her, Lorelai's ability to quickly go from a fast-talking and quick-witted to an empathetic nurturer always surprises him.

“Yeah.” He isn't sure what to say.

“So, are you going to go out there?” Luke's stunned, feeling like an idiot for not even thinking of that option.

“I—I don't know. I didn't—of course I should be there. For April.” He fumbles for his phone, planning to call her back, but Lorelai soothes him, taking his arm and leading him out of the theater.

“Hey, it's okay. Rory, can you take this for me, hon?” Rory awkwardly balances the large containers of popcorn as they head back to the parking lot.

Once they reach the Jeep, Lorelai looks up at him. Wordlessly, he can tell she's asking whether he wants her to stay. He manages to give her hand a squeeze and she nods, leaning up against the Jeep as he pulls his phone out to dial April. Rory sits in the backseat, pretending not to be listening.

“You were so great with her,” Lorelai tells him as he hangs up. He honestly doesn't remember a word of the conversation. He slips his arms around Lorelai and holds her close for a long moment.

“Thank you,” he whispers into her hair.

“Anytime, babe. Let's get you home.” She smiles up at him, but her eyes look small and sad.

 


	4. August 2007 - Part II

Luke descends the stairs and finds Lorelai and Rory at the kitchen table, having coffee and talking quietly. They both look up as he comes in. “Good morning,” Rory says.  
  
  
“Morning, Rory.”  
  
  
“You want tea?” Lorelai offers.  
  
  
“No, I'm good with coffee.” He reaches into the cabinet for a mug. “Unless I'm taking someone's second cup.”  
  
  
“Third,” Lorelai admits and he rolls his eyes, which makes her laugh. “It's okay. We'll make another pot.”  
  
  
As he sits down at the table and listens to Lorelai and Rory chat idly, a feeling surges through him. _This is home._ He wonders how much time the three of them have spent together over the years, whether it was in the diner or here, as he's listened to their running commentary on everything under the sun. Every time he sees Rory she's more grown up, mostly in the way she speaks or conducts herself, and he realizes how much she makes up a part of this trio, rounding them out as a family. There's a place for April there, too, he knows, but the three of them will always have this special bond, cemented over years of cheeseburgers, coffee, and pie.  
  
  
The night before, he had spent over an hour on the phone with the airline trying to to figure out the fastest way to get to New Mexico until Lorelai had taken over and sweet talked some unsuspecting airline employee into dropping the price on the ticket because of the airline's bereavement clause. She also got him bumped up to business class so he'll have more leg room.  
  
  
After breakfast, she finds him upstairs packing. She sits on the bed next to his suitcase and watches him move back and forth between the closet. “Don't you and Rory have plans?”  
  
  
“I thought you might need my fashion advice.”  
  
  
“Well, I was wondering about my suit. I can't put it in my suitcase or it'll get all wrinkled...”  
  
  
“Oh, you sweet summer child.” She presses a hand to his shoulder as she slips off the bed and walks over to the closet where she unearths a garment bag.  
  
  
“I wish you were coming with me,” he says quietly. It surprises her because April has been such a separate part of his life up until this point, but part of her is annoyed too. She feels like he's only saying that because she would provide a buffer between him and Anna. Although considering her interactions with Anna in the past, maybe Luke would actually be the buffer. “I don't know if I can be much of a comfort for April. You know how I feel about funerals.” Lorelai immediately feels bad for not considering how Luke's past would make this situation even tougher for him.  
  
  
“Are you kidding? April will love that you're there.” He's concentrated on his packing, but Lorelai puts a hand on his arm, getting his eyes to meet hers. “Your presence will be enough.”  
  
  
“But you're not going to come.” His voice is hollow.  
  
  
“Oh, babe, it's really going to be fine.” She slides off the bed again and presses up against his back. Her arms circle around his middle and his cheek presses against his shoulder blade. “I'm sorry this ruined your trip with April, though. I really am.”  
  
  
“It's okay,” he exhales against her. “And thank you.”  
  
  
“You're welcome.” Luke encourages her to go spend time with Rory, she begins to feel bad that she didn't take his offer for her to join him very seriously. Here she was, dropping hints all summer about wanting to spend time with April and when he offers her the chance, she turns him down. On the other hand, Lorelai doesn't feel it's her place. Even though she wants to support Luke every chance she gets, she doesn't really know April or Anna and certainly not Anna's mom. To show up at the funeral would be in poor taste. Her own mother would probably approve of Lorelai's mannered logic, but that makes her feel even worse for Luke. She spends most of the day with Rory, like he told her to, but she's still unable to completely push the day's earlier events out of her mind.  
  
  
Before Rory leaves town, Lorelai insists they have a political themed movie marathon and rents _The Parallax View_ , _The Candidate_ , and _All the President's Men_. They select the Redford films to watch before the Beatty one but by the time they finish _The Candidate_ , Rory is yawning. Lorelai realizes Luke must have stayed late to close, even though he has an early flight in the morning, and she has a sneaking suspicion that part of his absence has to do with their conversation earlier that morning. After Rory goes to bed, Lorelai decides to take a walk to the diner.  
  
  
The sign on the door is already flipped to 'closed' and some of the lights are turned off, but she sees Luke standing behind the counter. As usual, the door isn't locked, so she pushes it open and walks inside. Luke looks surprised to see her. "Lorelai."  
  
  
"It was getting late and I wondered where you were." She makes her way over to the counter and perches on one of the stools to watch him refill sugar containers and ketchup bottles.  
  
  
"Yeah, well, one of Caesar's kids was sick, so I had to cover for him."  
  
  
"It didn't have anything to do with the conversation we had this morning?"  
  
  
He looks confused. "About garment bags? I know how to use one."  
  
  
"No, not garment bags. Where you said you wished I was coming with you."  
  
  
"Oh." He drops his gaze back to the ketchup bottles and sugar.  
  
  
"I didn't want you to think I was purposely being...I don't know, insensitive or something." Luke hasn't looked up at her, so she takes a deep breath, continuing on. "I'm not sure it's my place to show up at the funeral of a woman I didn't know. I want to support you and I want to support April, but I don't think this is the right moment to suddenly appear and say, 'Hey, remember me? The former fiancee who slept with her child's father and effectively ruined my relationship with your child's father?'"  
  
  
His head snaps up at that, his eyes bright with anger. "That's not what--how can you think that about yourself?"  
  
  
"It's the truth, isn't it?" she replies quietly.  
  
  
“I don't want to live in that place anymore, Lorelai. We've moved on. We're together now, that's what matters.” Luke being so resolute in his support of her and their relationship makes her feel a wave of guilt for not agreeing to go to New Mexico.  
  
  
“I know. It does. I'm sorry about New Mexico.”  
  
  
Luke takes her hands in his. “I understand. I wasn't really asking you to go. More like exhaling my feelings.”  
  
  
“Oh.” Now she feels silly for all the worrying.  
  
  
“I would love for you to go with me, because I love being with you, but I agree with you. I understand why you feel like it's not your place. Honestly, I'm just going for April.”  
  
  
“And I think that's wonderful.” Seeing Luke become such a great father to April was enough to replace all the awful feelings Lorelai still carried about their broken engagement. “I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions.”  
  
  
“We're good,” he promises, tugging on her wrists so she'll lean over the counter for a kiss.  
  
  
Lorelai puts an elbow on the counter, resting her head in her hand as she watches Luke finish closing up and once again finds herself marveling at what a good man he is. She's dramatic, emotional, self-centered, and judgmental. Luke is loyal, honest, trustworthy, and constant.  
  
  
“You ready?” he asks finally, wiping his hands on a towel. Another thought has popped into her head and she raises her eyebrows at him. He chuckles, looking utterly confused. “What?”  
  
  
“Rory is asleep at home.” She steps towards him, sliding an arm around his neck. “But no one is here.”  
  
  
His breath catches. “That would violate about a million health codes.”  
  
  
She nudges her thigh against his and whispers in his ear. “Not if you take me upstairs.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
Rory is still on her campaign trail schedule and has been waking up early every morning she's been home. She knows Luke has an early flight but is surprised to find her mother awake and both of them in the kitchen. Luke's made them breakfast since he won't be around for the last couple days of Rory's visit.  
  
  
Before Luke goes upstairs to get his suitcase, he says his goodbyes to her. Growing up, Luke and her mom were the two constants in her life and it's weird not knowing how long it will be until her next visit. She hugs him tight. “It was good to see you, Rory,” Luke says and maybe she's imagining it but he sounds a little choked up. When she pulls away, she's surprised to see she wasn't imagining it. There are tears glistening in his eyes.  
  
  
“It was good to see you, too.” She means every word. Lowering her voice to a whisper, she adds, “Thanks for taking care of Mom.” He smiles bashfully and gives her a solemn nod. Rory turns to see her mom watching them from the entryway. She gives her mom a smile but can see the tears in her eyes as well. Not exactly sure what's brought on the waterworks, she retreats to the couch with her coffee cup and a book.  
  
  
Luke reappears on the stairs a few moments later. “See you, Rory.”  
  
  
“Yeah, see you. Tell April I say hi.”  
  
  
“I will.”  
  
  
“Are you sure you don't want me to drive you to the airport?” Lorelai asks when he appears in the entryway. She's still wearing her pajamas but the offer makes Luke smile.  
  
  
“I'm sure. I'll only be there for a few days.”  
  
  
“Okay. And hey, see if you can get April to come out for a little while?” Lorelai tugs at the sleeve of his t-shirt before her arm slips around his shoulder, giving him a long hug.  
  
  
“I wish you were coming with me,” he confesses, his breath against her ear.  
  
  
“I know. I love you.”  
  
  
“I love you. I'll be home soon.”  
  
  
“Be careful, love.”  
  
  
“I'll talk to you when I land.”  
  
  
Curled up on the couch, Rory tries not to listen, but can't help but overhear her mom and Luke's goodbyes. She marvels at how happy and sure and open they both sound. Even though her mother has never been anything but an undying source of love and support for her, Rory knows that Lorelai has struggled expressing her feelings in her relationships. And Luke wasn't known for his communication skills, but hearing their exchange gave her hope, even as she felt the longing and loneliness thrum in her chest. She missed Logan.  
  
  
Lorelai came in the room a few minutes later, a mug of coffee in hand, and situated herself on the couch with Rory, who looked at her expectantly. “So, things with Luke are going well?”  
  
  
Her mom smiles into her coffee cup, looking embarrassed. “You heard that?”  
  
  
She shrugs nonchalantly. “Parts of it.” Rory nudges her mom's knee with her foot, making her look up. “It's good!”  
  
  
“It is good.” Lorelai nods. It's unusual for her mom to hold back details—the first time she dated Luke she certainly wasn't short on details—but Rory understands her hesitancy and she respects her mom's privacy, but selfishly she wishes she knew a little more.  
  
  
“Do you think you and Luke will...”  
  
  
“Will what? There's a lot of options at the end of that sentence.”  
  
  
“Are you going to get married?”  
  
  
“Oh, I don't know, hon.” She shakes her head.  
  
  
“But you were there before. Engaged, planning your wedding.” Lorelai doesn't know her daughter's current status with Logan, but Rory is young enough that she fears Rory might jump back into a relationship with him without really discussing what happened before. Of course, Logan being across an ocean helped ease her fears that this could feasibly happen.  
  
  
“It doesn't work like that, hon. We don't get to go back to where we were. I was married. To your dad. I hurt Luke. I had to regain his trust, his friendship, before we could even get here.” Lorelai catches the worried look on her daughter's face. “Am I saying I'll never consider getting married to Luke? No. But for right now, this is enough.” Truthfully, she and Luke are nowhere near talking about marriage. As evident from her break down a few days earlier, they still had a lot of things to work on.  
  
  
Rory nods. She holds up her empty coffee cup. “I think I'm getting my second wind.” Lorelai unfolds her legs from the couch so they can both head back to the kitchen. She searches the refrigerator for something edible and finds the peach pie Luke brought home. She sets it on the table and grabs two forks. Rory doesn't even blink twice over having pie for breakfast.  
  
  
“So, all this marriage talk.” She says after a couple of forkfuls. “You holding up okay, hon?”  
  
  
“What? Yeah, I mean, I don't care if you and Luke get married. I'm glad you're happy.”  
  
  
“That's very sweet, but I meant with Logan. Still haven't heard from him?”  
  
  
Rory sighs. “I've had spotty service but no. There's a lot of time on the road to think and I don't know, sometimes I wonder.”  
  
  
“Wonder what it would be like if you had told him yes?”  
  
  
She meekly nods, keeping her eyes focused on the pie.  
  
  
“I think that's perfectly normal.”  
  
  
“You do?”  
  
  
“Yes. This isn't a fantasy. He proposed. God knows that for years I imagined finding your dad on our doorstep asking me the same thing.” She lets out a breath. “Guess that explains a lot about recent events.”  
  
  
“Yeah, maybe.”  
  
  
Lorelai furrows her brow. “Honestly?”  
  
  
“Always.”  
  
  
“I think you made the right decision. You're both so young...and I think if he were the guy, he would have understood you saying no. And hey, maybe he'll come around. Stranger things.”  
  
  
“Luke is the guy...did he understand you saying no?”  
  
  
Lorelai feels like someone let all the air out of her. “That's different, babe. I messed that up. He was ready and I wasn't.”  
  
  
“But he's still the guy?”  
  
  
“Yeah. He's still the guy.” She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “But I don't want to sugar coat it for you. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done-”  
  
  
Rory looks confused. “What is? Being back with Luke?”  
  
  
“Not just being back with him, but finding out where you went wrong before. Forgiving each other for things. Communicating, working through things together. It's work. I mean, I'm realizing as I go along that I don't have all the answers yet and that's terrifying, but having the right partner makes all the work worth it.”  
  
  
“Basically what you're saying is a real adult relationship is a lot like The Way We Were.”  
  
  
Lorelai laughs. “Thankfully, there's less fighting about politics.”  
  
  
Rory's voice is quiet and she leans in towards her mother. “I'm really proud of you.” Not many kids got to see their mother go through the ups and downs of romance, but having seen what came before Luke, Rory was impressed at her mother's growth and emotional maturity. It wasn't always perfect, like Lorelai said, sometimes it was three steps forward and two back, but it was evolving and she was moving forward in a positive direction and sometimes that's all you could ask for in life.  
  
  
Having her daughter's understanding and approval makes her heart swell. “Thanks, hon.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
Luke calls at the same time every day from New Mexico. The first day she misses his call and he leaves the sweetest voicemail which she saves on her phone so she can re-listen to it whenever she's missing him. (She hasn't done that since Luke went to Maine the first time they were together.) When she talks to him the day after the funeral, he's quiet and she thinks he's sorting through his emotions until he brings up something. "Hey, Anna was talking about moving back to Connecticut. You know, now there's no real reason for her to stay in New Mexico."  
  
  
"Oh, Luke, I think that's great."  
  
  
"You do?"  
  
  
"Yeah, I mean, April will be so much closer. You'll get to see her every weekend if you want."  
  
  
"Yeah, about that. April got into Choate Rosemary."  
  
  
"Wow! That's amazing." Choate was a prep school similar to Chilton.  
  
  
"And school starts after Labor Day."  
  
  
"Oh, my--well, wow, congratulations to her. This is all happening pretty fast, huh? Are Anna and April coming out here toot suite then?"  
  
  
"Well, that's the thing. Anna needs to stay in New Mexico a little bit longer. She's got to wrap up some stuff with her mom's financials and get her house ready to sell and all that. Obviously, April's starting school soon and Anna wants to be back in Connecticut by then but she's not really sure about the timeline.” He pauses for breath and she senses there's more coming. “She asked if I would be willing to have April come back and stay with me for the next couple weeks. Of course I said that was fine, but I was thinking now that April is a teenager, she really needs her own space. The apartment isn't really big enough for the both of us. I know we haven't talked about any of this and I know it's early with us and if you want to say no, please do. But I was wondering if April and I could stay with you at the house.”  
  
  
It was everything she had wanted all those months ago. When she found out Luke had a daughter, all she wanted was to be included in this new part of his life. He was her fiancee, after all. She had already raised a daughter on her own. Even though it was out of nowhere, the fact he had a kid, a girl, seemed like the perfect fit, but he hadn't let her in. That hurt the most. Even more than the postponed wedding. It hurt because it was where Lorelai felt she fit the best. Her skills as a mother were tried and true. Her skills as a partner, a fiancee, a wife were elementary at best.  
  
  
Now all of her worry and all of her fear about Luke keeping her at arm's length when it came to April was solved in an instant. All those hints she had dropped, wanting to spend time with April; all of their miscommunication about his trip to New Mexico, resolved when she least expected it.  
  
  
“Luke, you know you don't even have to ask.” She felt tears brimming in her eyes. “I'm thrilled to have April here. I mean, assuming Anna is okay with it. And April, too, of course.”  
  
  
"Yeah, I cleared it with Anna already and April is beyond thrilled to spend some time with you. And I think she's pretty happy to be coming back to Connecticut."  
  
  
“I'm pretty happy you're coming back to Connecticut,” she intones as she wipes her eyes.  
  
  
“Same here,” he agrees. “I don't know what you're slipping into my tea, but I cannot sleep unless you're next to me.”  
  
  
“Damn, you've caught on to my secret,” she teases. “I miss you, too. You know Cesar can't make the good pancakes.”  
  
  
“That's all you miss about me? The pancakes?”  
  
  
She can imagine the sexy little half smirk he's wearing right now as he's teasing her. “Mmm. I can think of a few other things.”  
  
  
“Like what?” His voice dips low and gravelly and the familiar warmth floods her stomach.  
  
  
“Are you flirting with me?”  
  
  
“I asked you a question,” he says, his voice still low.  
  
  
“The way your voice gets all gravelly and low like it is right now.”  
  
  
“Mmhm. And?”  
  
  
“Are we really doing this right now?” It wasn't out of the realm of possibility that Luke was initiating phone sex, but it was surprising and she needed a minute to catch up.  
  
  
“Lorelai, answer the question.” She curses him for knowing the power commanding Luke has over her.  
  
  
“Your hands.”  
  
  
“What about them?”  
  
  
She takes a breath. “You know just how to touch me.”  
  
  
“And how's that?”  
  
  
Lorelai feels her face flush. She's not sure how to describe how Luke touches her except that he's extremely effective at it, so she tries to think of an example of a time she knows he would remember. “Do you remember when we went up to that cabin for your birthday a couple years ago?”  
  
  
“God, yes.” She smiles, knowing exactly what he's thinking of. “What are you wearing?” he asks.  
  
  
Before his call, Lorelai had just walked in the house after work. “A dress.”  
  
  
“One of those wrap dresses you seem to love teasing me with so much.”  
  
  
“If you were here, how would you take it off?”  
  
  
*  
  
  
Lorelai was nervous as she waited for Luke and April to arrive home. She flitted from room to room, carrying out tasks she thought might make April feel more at home. Her actions couldn't keep up with her mind, however. She would have one idea and before she finished making up Rory's room for April, she would remember to call Sookie to make cookies for her, and then another idea and another. If Luke was there, he would tell her to stop futzing and insist she sit and calm down.  
  
  
If she thought she shared any qualities with her parents at all, besides a flair for the dramatic, she would hate to admit it was her mother's hosting skills. (Well, thankfully she didn't have a penchant for firing maids.) She stepped back to admire her handiwork. Rory's room was now transformed for April. For the bulletin board, Lorelai had chosen to go with a map theme. There was a map of Stars Hollow, which she had fought with Taylor and the town committee about redrawing since the old one didn't feature the Dragonfly, a bus map, and a map she managed to find of Choate Rosemary's campus. There wasn't enough room to relocate Rory's books, but Lorelai had gotten Andrew to track down some science books that she thought April would appreciate, even though she expects April will have already read most of them. She changed the sheets from Rory's flowery sheets to a simple striped sheet in purple since she knew that had once been April's favorite color. She hoped it still was.  
  
  
It reminded her of the room her own mother had created for Rory in Hartford. This one wasn't pink with pictures of boy bands, but Lorelai wanted it to reflect April's interests so she wouldn't feel like she was staying in Rory's room. It was pretty hard to completely hide, though. April needed her own space.  
  
  
She also had gone a little overkill on the take out menu for the evening since she wasn't sure what kind of food April liked the most. She'd ordered pizza and Chinese. Al's was having a Greek week, so she had placed an order of grape leaves and spanokopita for Luke. She'd gotten a spicy burger for herself with an extra large order of onion rings and tots and had even ordered the Indian food Rory adored because she was willing to sacrifice the smell for April.  
  
  
Lorelai finally had nothing to do except sit on the couch and wait. Paul Anka, who was keyed up from all her nervous energy, pranced nervously at her feet. She heard Luke's truck in the drive a little while later. She wasn't sure what to do. Should she be waiting in the entryway or should she go out to greet them? She didn't want to appear overeager, so she waited until she heard their voices get closer to the porch and then opened the front door. April was talking animatedly about something, Luke carrying both of their suitcases to the door. He notices her first. His eyes light up and a slow grin slides across his face and from the jut of his jaw, Lorelai knows how this would go if he were alone. She stores that thought away for another time, her eyes now on April, who just as Lorelai looks over, notices that Lorelai is standing in the doorway and stops talking. "Hi!"  
  
  
"Hey, April." Lorelai says warmly. From her greeting, Lorelai can hear the shy, nerdy pre-teen she remembers, but April carries herself in a more adult way than before. Her wavy hair, which Lorelai remembers in a simple braid, flows freely down her back and floats around her shoulders. April hangs back, clearly unsure how to approach the situation, and Lorelai is reminded of April's introversion and slight social awkwardness, which in turn reminds her of Rory. Luke passes through the door with the bags and although Lorelai was going to attempt some sort of hug with April, she can see the teenager is not completely sure of herself, so instead, Lorelai ushers her inside.  
  
  
"Wow, your house is really cute! Very homey." April comments, standing by the couch as she surveys the living room. It strikes Lorelai as an odd comment in the moment but she quickly realizes that April's never actually been to the house.  
  
  
"Of course, I'm sorry. I forgot you never visited before." She can feel Luke's eyes on her. "Right, quick tour. Living room. Upstairs is my bedroom and the fancy bathroom which you're welcome to use when we're not here." She skips over the bedroom situation rather quickly even though everyone involved knows the situation, but it feels too weird to say 'our'. Instead, she ushers April down the hall to the kitchen and then moves expectantly in front of Rory's door, hand on the doorknob. "And of course, your room." She opens the door and turns on the lights, letting April step inside.  
  
  
April's quiet for a minute, taking everything in, Lorelai watching from the doorway. She fingers the maps on the bulletin board and her eyes widen when she sees the books. "Are these Rory's? Do you think she would mind if I borrowed them while I'm here?"  
  
  
"They're yours. The others are Rory's, though and she would be thrilled if you read them."  
  
  
"What?" April asks, clearly astonished. "These are for me?"  
  
  
"I thought you would need some smart kid books to take to that genius school of yours. Not that you need any help from me."  
  
  
"Oh my gosh, Lorelai, I--thank you." She reaches eagerly for one of the volumes, flipping it open. Lorelai feels the heat of Luke's body behind her and turns to see him with a contented smile on his face. She beams at him and takes his hand.  
  
  
"You can take some time to get settled if you want. I don't know if you want to shower or anything, but I ordered a ton of food if you're hungry."  
  
  
“Then I will look at this later,” April replies, setting the book carefully on the bed. “I'm pretty starved, actually.”  
  
  
“Good, because I ordered way too much food. I panicked.” The pizza box is sitting on the stovetop and Lorelai pulls out the Chinese, Indian, and other containers from the fridge.  
  
  
“Don't believe anything she says,” Luke leans in to his daughter conspiratorially. “She's a notorious over-orderer.”  
  
  
“It doesn't seem like such a terrible quality.” April replies jovially, surveying the spread of food. “And neither of you were exaggerating. This is a ton of food.”  
  
  
“It's kind of my thing.” Lorelai shrugs, but she's pleased. “Ordering food is easy. Cooking it is much harder.” She tugs on Luke's sleeve. “I'm glad to have my chef back.” He slides an arm around her as he digs into the Greek food.  
  
  
Lorelai asks a few questions about Choate and April answers at length, clearly excited. She's slightly surprised at April's adaptability. Starting at Chilton was enough to give Rory confidence issues, much less moving across the country. Knowing teenage girls, she figures there are nerves in there somewhere, but there's been a lot of upheaval in April's life the last three years, so maybe she's just better at managing it.  
  
  
After dinner, Luke takes a shower and April says she wants to unpack a little. Lorelai doesn't mind cleaning up and as she does, hearing the sounds of someone in Rory's room is comforting. As Lorelai is setting up coffee for the next morning, April comes out of her room, a small box in her hands. “I almost forgot to give you this. It's a thank you for letting me stay here.”  
  
  
“April, you didn't have to do this. And you never need to thank me. I want you to think of this as a place you can come whenever you need to, okay? It's your home, too.”  
  
  
“Okay, I will,” she smiles, still a little shy, but Lorelai can see her guard dropping just a bit. “Thanks for decorating the room for me.”  
  
  
“You're welcome.”  
  
  
She nudges Lorelai. “Open it.” Even though April is older, she still possesses a childlike exuberance.  
  
  
Lorelai opens the box to find a delicate silver necklace with a small, almost perfectly oval piece of turquoise nestled in a silver frame. “It's beautiful, April. Really.”  
  
  
April beams, delighted that Lorelai likes it. “Here, let me.” She takes the necklace from Lorelai's hand and fastens it around her neck.  
  
  
Without thinking, Lorelai walks over to Rory's room and looks at herself in the dresser mirror. “I love it,” she declares. “You have your dad's eye for jewelry.”  
  
  
April's eyes widen. “Dad buys you jewelry? Good jewelry? But he's so terrible at gifts.”  
  
  
Lorelai laughs. The man did try to buy Rachel cat potholders, not to mention the many not so great gifts he'd given to Rory over the years, but she realizes with a hitch in her throat that his gifts for her are always pretty wonderful. “I can't deny that, but luckily, he has good taste, too. He's given me beautiful pieces his sister has made.”  
  
  
“I haven't met her yet. That's so strange, having an aunt I don't even know, but I guess a few years ago, I had a dad I didn't even know.”  
  
  
“You seem to take all of it in stride.” She wants to tell April she's brave, but they're already verging on sappy territory, so she lets it go. “I'm sorry about your grandmother.”  
  
  
“It's okay,” April says simply, but her tone shifts slightly. “I didn't know her that well, but I guess it's sad I won't get to know her. And I think it's sad I never got to meet my other grandparents, Luke's parents. Did you know them?”  
  
  
“No, I moved here long after Luke's dad died. I wish I had known them, too.” She gives April a hug and hopes Luke knows this somehow, how much his girlfriend and daughter wish they could meet his parents. “Thank you for the necklace. Let us know if you need anything.” She steps towards the door. “Good night.”  
  
  
“Good night, Lorelai.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
Lorelai comes upstairs to find a newly cleansed, half dressed Luke in her bed. She pauses in the doorway, a hand flying to her chest. "Oh my! There's a man in here! Get me my vapors."  
  
  
"Lorelai, cut it out. April will hear." Luke warns, frowning, but he gives her a rueful grin.  
  
  
“But you weren't concerned about walking around my house shirtless?” She raises an eyebrow. “Not that I'm complaining.” Lorelai crosses to him, splaying her hands across his chest as she leans in for a kiss.  
  
  
“Is that necklace new?” he asks.  
  
  
She squints her eyes at him suspiciously. “You sure you haven't been working the Renaissance Faire jewelry booth lately? Liz has really rubbed off on you.” Manly man Luke noticing a new piece of jewelry makes her chuckle.  
  
  
“Never again,” he intones. His fingertips brush over the necklace and even more delicately against her skin. “It looks good with your eyes. The necklace.”  
  
  
“April got it for me,” she smiles. “She inherited your gift giving skills.”  
  
  
“Oh,” he replies, looking embarrassed at her compliment. “I don't know. I do okay.”  
  
  
“Hey, what did you tell April? About us?”  
  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
  
“I mean, she knew we weren't engaged anymore. You dated her swim coach-”  
  
  
“Lorelai, it wasn't even a good date-”  
  
  
“What did you tell her about us getting back together? I think we should be on the same page, don't you?”  
  
  
He didn't really think it would happen this way. He was hoping he would be able to bring it up with her, but he should have known Lorelai would have beaten him to the punch. Luke wraps her hand in both of his. His voice is delicate and soft when he speaks. “Please don't freak out about this, but I hadn't actually told her before I went out there.” He knows it sounds bad, not telling April, but he had done it to protect her. After they'd broken off the engagement and April had asked why Lorelai wasn't around so often anymore, Luke found his daughter's reaction to the news almost worse than his own heartbreak. April had been so worried about him afterwards and he could tell she wanted to ask more questions, but hadn't done so for his sake.  
  
  
But Lorelai doesn't know any of that and he knows it comes off as him being so unsure about their relationship that he didn't tell his daughter. She slips her hand out of his and takes a step back. “Oh. I see.”  
  
  
“Please try to understand where I'm coming from here. I know you tried to keep Rory separate from your personal life for a long time. You didn't see April after we called off the engagement...I didn't want her to get her hopes up again in case...”  
  
  
“Something happened,” Lorelai finishes.  
  
  
Before she can get in another word, he feels the need to explain further “Yes. I know it sounds like I didn't have faith in us, but that's-”  
  
  
“Luke.”  
  
  
“-Not what this was about.”  
  
  
“Luke.”  
  
  
“This was about protecting April.”  
  
  
“ _Luke_ ,” Lorelai finally gets his attention. There's a slight smile on her face. “It's okay. I get it.”  
  
  
“You do?” To his relief, she nods.  
  
  
“Yeah, I do. You're right. I didn't tell Rory about all the ups and downs of my personal life.”  
  
  
“No, you saved those for the wise diner owner,” he teases.  
  
  
She grits her teeth, looking both stricken and apologetic. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”  
  
  
“It worked out.” He grins, motioning her to come closer. His arm slips around her shoulder, pulling her into him, his other hand gentle on the back of her neck as he fingers her hair. “You're really okay with this?”  
  
  
“Yes,” she murmurs, drawing back slightly to press a kiss to his cheek.  
  
  
“C'mere, Scarlett,” he says, not letting her go, as he walks over to the bed. He sits down on the edge of the mattress with a sigh. She gives him a cheeky smile and then slides into his lap.  
  
  
“I haven't seen you in a week,” she sighs.  
  
  
“It's been four days,” he corrects her, his hands resting on her thighs.  
  
  
“Still.” She places her hands on his bare chest again and can feel his rapid heartbeat. He kisses her fiercely, hands tangling in her hair, as if he can't get her close enough. She moans softly against his mouth. “Take off your pants,” she orders in a hushed whisper.  
  
  
“Take off yours,” he grins.  
  
  
“Always gotta be the boss,” she teases.  
  
  
“Mmmhmm. Miss Flexible over here.” He watches her roll her jeans over her hips and inch them down her thighs, a smirk playing across his face.  
  
  
“See something you like?” She smiles as she slips back onto his lap.  
  
  
“Just you. Always you.” He says quietly in her ear and she forces herself to swallow the lump in her throat.  
  
  
*  
  
  
It makes his heart swell to see Lorelai and April come into the diner together in the mornings and to find them talking in the living room when he gets home at night, but it hasn't slipped Luke's attention that Lorelai has gone into Super Mom mode. She's been bonding with April over movies, music, and books, probably the same ones she brought Rory up with and taken her shopping for new clothes, including her Choate uniform.  
  
  
On a particularly busy morning at the diner, Lorelai and April sit at the counter and April surprises them by announcing that she wants to visit the Dragonfly. April's spent the past few days in and out of the diner as she wandered Stars Hollow on her own or visited old school friends in Bridgeport. “Is that okay?” she asks Lorelai, but looks over at Luke to gage his reaction. “You can put me to work. Or I can hang out in the library. Dad said you have a great library.”  
  
  
If Lorelai is thrown by April using “Dad” to refer to Luke, she doesn't show it. It still surprises him to hear April refer to him in that way. Surprises and delights him. “Oh yeah, of course it's okay!” Lorelai's eyes are still wide but she nods to show her support for the idea.  
  
  
“You don't have to,” Luke interjects.  
  
  
“I'm happy to have her,” her eyes meet his and he knows she means it. “Besides, Sookie will love it. It'll give her a chance to make an insane lunch.”  
  
  
“Great!” April exclaims. She excuses herself to the restroom and when she's gone, Luke gives Lorelai a knowing look.  
  
  
“What?” she asks.  
  
  
“You don't have to do all of this for her.”  
  
  
“Do all of what?”  
  
  
“Go into Martha Stewart hostess mode. She's an easy kid. She doesn't want the fanfare.”  
  
  
“Martha Stewart!? You think I'm Martha Stewart?” Lorelai gives him a disgusted look. “Nigella Lawson, maybe. Without the cooking skills.”  
  
  
“Who?”  
  
  
“Google it, Luke.” She replies, giving him a smirk.  
  
  
“It's good you two are getting to spend some time together.” He means it.  
  
  
“Really?” Lorelai studies his face. “I don't want you to feel like I'm bogarting your time with your kid.”  
  
  
“Really,” he assures her. “I want you to get a chance to know each other. It's important.” He knew it would be this way. When they were together before, he had told Lorelai that once April met her, it was all over for him. April would latch on to Lorelai like all kids did, because Lorelai was the coolest adult in any scenario. Choosing to keep her away for simply that reason proved to be one of the stupidest decisions of his life, but he wasn't wrong. When they did meet, Lorelai saved April's birthday party from the brink of social disaster. April hadn't stopped asking about her since.  
  
  
“She's an amazing kid, Luke.” His cheeks flush. He's not sure he has much to do with it, considering his late entry into her life.  
  
  
April reappears before he can figure out an appropriate way to respond. “Okay,” she says to Lorelai. “I'm ready whenever you are.”  
  
  
Luke hands Lorelai her to go cup of coffee and kisses her on the cheek. “Have a good day, ladies.”  
  
  
*  
  
  
April finds Michel totally fascinating. Lorelai gives her a tour of the inn, the stables, and points out various nature trails which she thinks April might want to explore after lunch. She lets Sookie coo over April, which includes making hot chocolate and biscotti while April reads in the library.  
  
  
“So are you and Luke living together now?” Her best friend asks matter of factly.  
  
  
“Just while April is staying with us.”  
  
  
“Mmmhm,” Sookie murmurs knowingly.  
  
  
Lorelai shakes her head. “We're not there yet, Sook.”  
  
  
Sookie gives her a look of disbelief but doesn't harp on the subject. “How's it going with April?”  
  
  
“Good, actually,” Lorelai smiles. “I know how to do this part. I still don't feel like I have the relationship thing down.”  
  
  
Michel interrupts, saying he needs Lorelai at the front desk. When she's finished there, she circles around to the library to check in on April and see if she's ready for lunch. “I don't think I've ever eaten as much in my life as I have the past few days,” April says laughingly. Lorelai smiles because there's no doubt in that April is Luke's daughter.  
  
  
“Hey, there's something I've been wanting to ask,” April says once they sit down.  
  
  
“Yeah, what's that?”  
  
  
“Well, Luke—my dad—won't tell me these things. He gets all embarrassed when I bring it up and maybe you won't want to talk about it either, but how did you meet him?”  
  
  
“Oh.” Lorelai is caught off guard but then is touched that April wants to know about her and Luke. It wasn't what she was expecting, but she realizes April wouldn't have heard those kind of stories growing up either. Neither had Rory. Not until she was old enough to somewhat understand why her parents weren't together. “Well, we were friends for a long time.” Lorelai isn't sure she's ever told this story before, so she chooses her words carefully. She thinks about all the times Luke was there for her and Rory and she wonders for the millionth time how she didn't see it sooner.  
  
  
*  
  
  
A few days later, when Luke comes home from the diner, he finds Lorelai ensconced on the couch, her sewing kit on the table, a plaid skirt in hand, and Golden Girls on the television. “Hi,” he drops a kiss on her shoulder. “Is April here?”  
  
  
Lorelai shakes her head, concentrating on her stitches as she pulls a long piece of thread through the end of the skirt. “She went to spend time with her friends. Marielle's mother said she would drop her off afterwards.”  
  
  
“Did you eat?”  
  
  
She nods, again barely looking up. “Leftovers.” Luke goes to change into a t-shirt and worn cotton shorts. He puts on the shorts because it's sticky out, but they're more effective in getting Lorelai to look up than he had been earlier. He catches her eyeing him as he comes down the stairs. “Nice gams, Danes.”  
  
  
He sits down next to her on the couch, noticing a bag at her feet. “What's all this? More clothes?”  
  
  
“We decided to take one the skirts back because she's more of a pants girl.”  
  
  
“Don't they have a tailor there to make adjustments?”  
  
  
“Yeah, but they charge you an arm and a leg. This school is going to be getting enough of your money. I can easily do the same tailoring and I only charge in sexual favors.”  
  
  
“Noted,” he chuckles. “You don't have to do all of this.”  
  
  
“She needs clothes, Luke.”  
  
  
“You know what I mean.”  
  
  
“I do,” she nods. “But I want to.” Luke wasn't oblivious. The past couple months had included some big shifts for Lorelai. Rory striking out on her own, the two of them getting back together, and now the arrival of April. He had seen Lorelai jump into a myriad of things, always with immense amounts of energy, purpose, and unbridled enthusiasm. It was one of the things he loved about her, but it worried him sometimes. There were times he had seen her give too much of herself away. Just as often, her energy and willingness to jump into something new masked what she was really going through. Sometimes he just wanted her to take a breath and slow down.  
  
  
As he watches her hands as she moves the needle easily in and out of the skirt's fabric, he realizes this is how Lorelai catches her breath. The hem she's creating blends in seamlessly. It doesn't look haphazard or amateur. Although she moves quickly, it takes her most of the evening to hem the skirt and the two pair of pants they bought April. He's seen the clothes she's made Rory and the costumes for various school and town productions, but it never occurred to him how much time she put into them. For someone who talks faster than she can sometimes think, it's amazing she ever lets herself slow down enough for a sewing, a hobby and skill which is slow, delicate, and precise.  
  
  
He knows there a conversation to be had about all of the things she's been through over the past few months. Conversations about them and whether she still feels the same way about marriage and kids. He's not sure he needs those things anymore. He's already happy, simply being with her.  
  



	5. September 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There's a lot of going in circles here, but I'm getting somewhere soon.

Getting April settled at Choate is what Lorelai expected. It's the craziness of Rory starting Yale combined with teenage hormones and helicopter parents. Luke, on the other hand, looks completely baffled as soon as Lorelai meets them in the parking lot at the edge of campus. “This place is insane,” he says quietly to her as they're getting boxes out of the truck and placing them into giant moving bins the school provides for such occasions. He's trying to be good and not act completely bewildered in front of April, who seems to have suddenly lost all her quirky confidence Lorelai has come to adore. She notices how April studies the other kids and their parents, as if mentally comparing them to her own, and by the time they cross campus and arrive at her empty dorm room, Lorelai can tell April is desperately wishing her own mother was there.

They've barely unpacked one box before April excuses herself to the restroom. “Hey,” Lorelai tugs on Luke's sleeve. “Can you give April and I like fifteen minutes? Say you forgot something in the truck and just give us a minute, okay?”

“What? Why?” he asks, confused.

“She's scared, Luke, but she's not going to break down in front of you. She really needs a mom right now is all. I'm not Anna, but-”

He slips an arm around her shoulders. “You're the best mom I know,” he replies staunchly. She can't let his words overwhelm her right now, so she's glad when he quickly moves on. “I'll give you a minute. Whatever you need.”

“Thanks” She smiles at him and when April returns to the room a minute later, Lorelai suggests they make her bed. “It'll make you feel more at home.” Luke makes his excuses and leaves the two of them alone.

Lorelai watches April obsessively fold and re-fold one of the blankets on her bed before says, “Hey, April, honey?”

“Yeah?” she responds without even looking up and Lorelai knows it's bad.

“This is harder than you think and that's okay,” she says softly. “It's okay to be nervous and scared. Rory was a mess those first few weeks at Chilton but it became less scary. She made friends. She got through it. And I know you can, too. I'm sorry your mom couldn't be here, hon.” She can see April blinking back tears at that. “But whatever you're feeling, I want you to know it's okay. Your dad and I just want you to be happy. And if this isn't going to make you happy, we'll figure out something that does, okay?” April's chin is quivering and then she's in Lorelai's arms, her shoulders shaking as she lets out whatever fear and nerves she's been bottling up. “It's okay,” Lorelai soothes. “You're going to be fine, I promise. You're so charming and confident. You're going to make friends in no time.”

When she's stopped crying, wiped her eyes, and regained her composure, she looks up at Lorelai and says, “I'm really glad you're here.”

Then Lorelai is the one who feels like crying. “I'm glad I'm here, too,” she manages to say instead.

“Dad's great, but sometimes he's a little clueless about the girl stuff,” April confesses.

“I get that.” Lorelai nods. “But from someone who has run to Luke many a time with my problems, he's way better at the girl stuff than you might think.”

April looks impressed. “Really?”

“Trust me.” She's tempted to tell April the story of how she broke down on a park bench after asking Luke for thirty-thousand dollars, but then Luke sticks his head back in the room.

“How are things going?” He asks casually and Lorelai gives him a small nod. “They're setting up a bunch of food out on the lawn if you want to take a break,” he directs this towards April. “I saw cookies,” he tells Lorelai.

“I'm in!”

April lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, why not? Let's do it.”

“'Atta girl.” Lorelai replies as they close the door behind them and head out to the quad.

Once they make their way outside to survey the spread, April falls into conversation with a couple of equally nervous-looking girls and Luke nudges Lorelai. “What did you say to her?”

“The truth. It's normal to be nervous and I was sorry her mom couldn't be here.”

“I wouldn't have gotten through the last couple weeks without you.”

“You would have, but thank you. April's lucky to have you.” She tells him and she means it. Part of her was afraid that all of this—Anna and April moving back to Connecticut, April spending time with them—would dredge up the uncertainty and hurt from before, but it hadn't. It had the opposite effect. She was able to really see how good a father Luke was to April and how the three of them fit together as a family.

It made her realize how poorly she had handled everything before, back when they were engaged. It wasn't all Luke. Lorelai hadn't communicated her unease and hurt to him and Luke, even though he had kept April from her, was trying to figure out how to be a dad and he needed her support and understanding, neither of which she was able to give. It was all a vicious circle and she was immensely glad the three of them were here now.

“I'm lucky to have you both.” He tells her, a hand gripping at her waist.

“Sap.” She grins at him before taking a bite of cookie.

They spent the rest of the afternoon getting April's room set up. Lorelai helps her put her clothes away, Luke hangs up posters and photos to make the room look more homey. Lorelai is surprised to see a picture of herself and Luke among April's belongings. She knows it's from Rory's graduation by the dress she's wearing (and because Luke never wears a suit) but she has no idea where April would have gotten it. “Oh my god, where did you find this?”

Luke shrugs, indicating it wasn't him who gave her the picture. “Is that us? Where are we?”

“Rory's graduation, silly.”

“Oh, right. God, you look great.”

Lorelai blushes and looks up to see April in the doorway, watching the two of them with a smile on her face. “Where did you find this?”

“Actually, Rory sent it to me.” April gives a similar shrug to her dad.

“Rory? When?”

“She sent me a postcard from California. I wrote her an email thanking her and told her I'd found this photo in her room and asked if I could make a copy of it for my wall here.” April reported all of this in the most matter of fact way, but Lorelai felt tears springing to her eyes. She envelopes April in a hug.

“You're gonna do great, kiddo.” She tells her, still verklempt. “You know you can come stay in Stars Hollow anytime.”

“I will. Thank you for everything...I mean it.”

“You're welcome.” Lorelai replies, even though she feels like she should be thanking April instead. She steps out into the hallway, giving Luke time with his daughter. Up and down the hall, parents, siblings, and new students move with ease and worry around each other. She thinks about Rory, out on the road, doing what she has desired since she was a little girl. She thinks about her parents, how they wanted this for her. She can practically see Emily fretting around in one of these rooms, ordering Lorelai a new mattress and the best bedsheets money can buy, which she would inevitably ruin by eating Cheetos and smoking in bed.

Then there he is in front of her. Her strong, solid guy. She recognizes the emotion on his face. “Oh, babe,” she murmurs, taking him in her arms to give him a long squeeze, smoothing a hand across his back. She knows this is hard. It's still hard for her and Rory is almost twenty-four.

*

Now it seems silly that they took two cars to Wallingford and Luke practically aches for Lorelai on the drive back to Stars Hollow. The last few weeks had filled him with so much pride and love, he felt like he was brimming over with fullness. First, Rory's visit. The three of them being together again and then the past couple weeks with April, where Lorelai and his daughter were able to spend their first significant amount of time together. Not to mention all three of them living under the same roof.

Living with Lorelai had felt so natural, it surprised him they had never lived together in an official capacity. When they were together before, they spent so much time at each other's places it felt as if they were. Back then, he had wanted to ask her to move in, but with his small apartment it wasn't really an option. Then they had renovated Lorelai's place because he was planning to move in. So why hadn't he? Had they been waiting to get married before moving in together? It seems like an old-fashioned idea and he knew Lorelai would never abide by it. He wondered if it was him who had floated the idea and Lorelai, not wanting to fight, had simply gone along with it.

Things weren't perfect between him and Lorelai, but he knew perfection was a level that no relationship could achieve. He thinks maybe this is where they had gone wrong before. For so long, things felt right and easy between them and so when they became more difficult, even hard, neither of them knew how to handle it. They had been deceived by how easy things had been for them. They had been waiting for things to feel right again so they could get married, but “right” was a level they might never have experienced again if they had stayed together. Now he was overwhelmingly grateful they had been given a second chance and he was willing to do the work so they could stay together and move forward together. He thought he'd never want anything more in the world than marrying Lorelai, but he wanted this more.

When he pulls off the interstate and on to the highway heading to Stars Hollow, her Jeep streaks past him. He idles up next to her at the next stop light and she sticks out her tongue at him. He rolls down the window and asks how her foot is doing. She can't reach across the Jeep to unzip her window, but he hears her say, “Are you flirting with me, officer?” before the light turns green and she floors it, laughing.

He pulls up in front of her house to find her sitting on the porch steps, chin in her hands, waiting for him. “What took you so long?” She teases. It's nearly eight and he's surprised Lorelai's dinner bell isn't going off. On his way back into town, he stopped by the diner to grab them some food. He pulls the bag off the seat and presents it to her.

“Seriously, Willy Wonka, you gotta stop doing that.” But she smiles and kisses him before she steps up onto the porch and lets him in the door behind her.

He watches as she pulls out plates and starts to unbox the food. “Do you want your burger warmed up?”

“Yeah, a few seconds would be good.”

By the microwave, she turns to look at him. “What's up?” He realizes he's still standing in the entryway to the kitchen. He takes a step in, not sure how to bring this up.

“Why weren't we living together before?”

A shadow crosses her face. “What do you mean?” The microwave beeps and she takes out their food, placing it on the table, but neither of them sit down.

“Was it my idea? To wait until we got married or something? I don't remember why we weren't.”

“Does it matter? I thought we trying to move forward.”

“We are, but thinking about those things before...I want them to help us figure out how to move forward. If that makes sense.” Lorelai is standing by the kitchen table and he can't read her face. He waits for her to cross her arms over her stomach or another familiar gesture he recognizes as her shutting him out.

She does none of that. Instead, she reaches up to brush a piece of hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. “I don't know if we ever talked about it. You were here during the renovation because you wanted to keep an eye on things, but then I don't know. It was never official. You were here all the time, but not all your stuff was, so I assumed it would happen officially after we got married and then...” She gestures to the air as if to say ' _but that never happened_ '.

“Okay.” He turns over this answer in his mind. It's about what he expected and while Lorelai isn't shutting him out, her response is a bit terse. She's irritated. “I'm sorry it never happened. I've loved being here the past couple weeks. Thank you for letting April stay here.”

Her face softens and those blue eyes look up at him. “You know I was happy to have her. And you,” she adds. “I'm always happy to have you here.”

He takes her in his arms, a hand smoothing down her back. “I can be here more often. I mean, if that's what you want.”

She takes a slight step back, a hand on his chest, a bemused expression on her face. “Define 'more often'.”

“Whenever you want. All the time, even.” He has to bite back his grin.

“Are you asking to move in with me?” Lorelai is unable to hide her smile.

“If you'll have me.” He says as seriously as he can muster.

She giggles, exclaiming, “Oh, this is going to be so much fun!” She places a hand on his cheek and gives him a quick kiss. “Can we eat now?”

“Please.” He pulls out a chair for her and she plops down happily, not hesitating before digging into her burger.

But she must notice his expression because again she asks, “What?”

“Nothing,” he replies and means it. “I'm glad you agreed.”

“You're gloating.”

“I'm not gloating.”

“You are.”

“I'm not!”

“It's okay to gloat a little. Good for the skin.”

“Mostly I'm glad because I already moved stuff in.” Lorelai had just stuck a fry in ketchup and he's afraid she's going to throw it at him as her mouth drops into a surprised O.

“You what!? You sneak!” She tosses a non-ketchuped fry in his direction but it sails over his shoulder and lands on the floor, where Paul Anka dashes over to eat it. He catches her wrist and gives it a squeeze.

*

After dinner, she demands to see what things he's been sneaking into the house without her noticing. It's mostly a bunch of cookware, which she deems necessary for the past two weeks because April was here, so “those don't count”. “Then I guess you haven't noticed the clothes in my part of the closet were multiplying.”

“Again, you were here for the past two weeks! I assumed you needed clothes to, well, clothe yourself in.” Nonetheless, she traipsed upstairs to study his half of the closet. “Okay, I know you have more flannel than this. And where's that nice sweater I got you?”

He rubs her shoulder. “I'll go get the rest of my clothes tomorrow.” The corner of her eye twitches slightly. “If this is too fast, I don't have to move in.”

“No, I was noticing that I've taken over most of the closet. I should fix that.”

“I don't need more room than this.”

“Are you sure? Because Rory has been bugging me to steal half of this stuff as it is. Maybe it's time for a wardrobe makeover anyway.” She's off and running and he knows he has to wait until she runs out of steam before he can find out what is really going on in her head. He's also exhausted from moving April, so he sits down on the bed to wait until Lorelai spins out. He must fall asleep because the next thing he knows, Lorelai is behind him on the bed, tapping softly on his shoulder. “Hey mister, you fell asleep on top of the covers.”

“What time is it?”

“Just past ten, but I'm so tired. God, everything hurts. I don't remember feeling this way after moving Rory into Yale. Are we old?”

“You don't remember moving that mattress back and forth? Cause I sure as hell do.” Luke replies grumpily and Lorelai lets out a little laugh.

“No, I do remember that. I mostly remember your face.”

“You're an evil, evil woman.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can sweet talk me later. Move your butt so I can get in bed.” Luke manages to stand and watches groggily as Lorelai pulls back the covers and futzes with the pillows before coming around to his side to do the same. She's bent over in front of him and even half asleep, it's too easy. He puts his hands on her hips and pulls her back against him. “Hi,” she murmurs.

“Hey. Are you sure you're okay with me staying?”

“Don't be silly. Of course you can stay.”

“Yeah, but we didn't get to talk about...”

“We're both tired. Let's talk in the morning.”

“You promise?” He cocks an eyebrow at her. She's an expert at avoiding discussions and he needs to know it's going to be different this time.

Her face softens under his look. “I promise.”

“Okay.” He gives her a sleepy kiss before both of them finally get into bed. Lorelai lets out a satisfied sigh as she sinks down under the covers. “Thank you for helping move April.”

“I was glad to be there, Luke. Thanks for moving Rory's mattress.”

He chuckles. “You're welcome.”

*

When Lorelai finally hobbles downstairs the next morning, she has a feeling Luke's already had a full day before she woke up. He's in the kitchen making breakfast and when she pauses to greet Paul Anka, he tells her, “I already fed and walked him.”

“You're a vision,” she tells him, pressing up on her toes to give him a quick kiss. Her hand on his cheek makes her pause, her brain suddenly thrown off track because standing in that spot in the kitchen reminds her of the recurring pregnancy dream.

“What?” He asks, confused why she's paused in mid-air.

“Nothing.” She shakes her head and smiles at him. When she reaches up to open the cabinet for a coffee cup, her hand is trembling and she glances over at Luke to see if he noticed, but he's already turned back to the stove.

Sitting at the table with her coffee, she's suddenly not sure about anything. She loves having Luke here and she loved the time she was able to spend with April, but in the light of a new day, she wonders if they're moving too fast. She's never had good instincts with guys and the one time she trusted her instinct was with Luke and it had turned out even more devastating than all of her other relationships combined.

She doesn't know how to do this a second time. Doesn't know which instincts to follow and which to ignore. She wants to say she's not sure how to do this, but they just spent the past two weeks living together for the sake of his daughter, so she's pretty sure that's not going to fly.

When he sets down her plate and sits across from her, she can barely look him in the eye. “Lorelai, it's fine. We don't have to do this.” She's not surprised he can read her so well and in the moment, she's incredibly grateful for his ability to do so.

“But I _want_ to.” She really does.

“I want it too, and I think the fact that we both want it means we'll know when we're ready.”

“I think it means I need to start cleaning out the closet now so it will actually have room for your clothes,” she replies. Luke leans over to kiss her. “Thank you.” She's not sure she can express her gratitude in any more detail than that. Somehow he always knows her. It used to scare her how much, but now she thinks it's exactly what she needs.

*

Even with their decision to put a pause on moving in together, Luke is spending the night at her house more often than not. Lorelai begins the slow process of cleaning out her closet to make more space for him. But she seems quieter. Luke has heard what she's said over the past few months about not wanting to drag the past out in every conversation. She wants to be happy, but from where he's standing, she's not quite there yet, not quite herself.

As she curls into him while they're watching a movie, it occurs to him that this may simply be her now. A little less bubbly, a little more mellow. People change. And as much as he hates change, he has to admit even he's changed over the years. He let Lorelai into his world, into his heart. She did the same. They suffered things, together and apart.

Even though he knows this may be the reality of Lorelai's more frequent quiet moods, he never the less offers gentle reminders that he's there if she needs to talk. They always elicit a satisfied smile and sometimes a quick kiss. “I know,” she tells him. “Thank you.” If his dad was still alive, he would call him a sucker.

One night, Luke catches Lorelai simply moving clothes from her closet to Rory's in an effort to make more space for him. He pauses in the doorway of Rory's room. “You know we can make this place bigger.”

She thinks of the previous remodeling they had done on the house. For some reason, it's linked in her mind with everything falling apart. She occupies herself with shoving clothes into Rory's closet. “I don't know. That's a lot to take on.”

“We could start with something small. A bigger entryway. Work up to bigger stuff. An extra bedroom would be nice.”

She raises an eyebrow at him. “A bigger entryway is small?”

“We're going to need more room for when both the girls are here at the same time.”

It was a lot to hear him once again referring to them as a “we”, much less hearing Rory and April referred to as “the girls” and the mental picture of all of that was too appealing to turn down completely. She appreciates that he knows how much she loves her house and doesn't even suggest the possibility of moving. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

“A few times.” He smiles.

She crosses over to where he stands in Rory's doorway and leans in to kiss him, her fingertips lingering on his scruff. “But love, I can't afford all that right now.”

He shrugs. “I can handle it.”

She admires his bravado but at the same time she widens her eyes at his cavalierness. “Luke, I can't let you do that.”

“Consider it a gift.”

“That's a huge gift.” She's astounded that he's so nonchalant about it. She never even paid him back for the loan he gave her for the inn.

“Lorelai, just let me do this.” He didn't want this to turn into a fight.

“I love the idea that you want to do this for me. Truly. But I cannot in good conscience say yes right now. Please understand.” She couldn't believe she had someone who would fight to build her a dream house. “Besides, I never paid back your loan for the Dragonfly.”

“I didn't really expect you to. It was an investment.”

“But we made a profit after three years! I should have paid you back. Being your girlfriend slash fiancée did not entitle me not to pay it back, though, and then I didn't because...” Her cheeks burn.

“I know,” he says gently. “You really don't have to pay me back.”

“What if I want to?”

“Then we can talk about it.” He gives her shoulder a squeeze.

*

“Rise and shine.” Luke pulls back the curtains.

Lorelai frowns against the morning light. “You're mean,” she mumbles, her hair trailing across the pillow in a messy tangle.

“I'm making breakfast,” he says as he perches on her side of the bed. “Do you feel like eating something?” She gives him a small nod, still blinking against the light. “Okay, see you downstairs in a bit.” He drops a kiss on her cheek. When she hasn't appeared twenty minutes later, he goes back upstairs. Even with the curtains open, she's managed to fall back asleep. He sighs, not sure whether to wake her or let her sleep.

She hasn't been quite herself since they dropped April off at school. At first she seemed content with it being just the two of them again. They didn't have to worry about April walking in on their more intimate moments, but the novelty of being able to make out in the middle of the kitchen didn't hold Lorelai's interest for long. He might be slow to notice things sometimes, but he was pretty clear about what was going on with Lorelai lately. She missed being a mom. With Rory out of the house and April at school, she was likely dealing with empty nest syndrome.

When Lorelai finally makes her way downstairs, Luke wraps her into a hug and his eyes sweep over her carefully. “Are you sure you're feeling okay?” he asks. “No weird pains or anything?”

“No, I don't think so. I'm just tired.” Lorelai knew he was asking out of concern and past experience with his parents. Luke made her sit while he fetched her coffee and made a plate for her. “I don't need you to take care of me,” she says gently when he finally sits down.

“No, you don't.” Luke admits. He knows this. “But I enjoy doing it, so please let me sometimes, okay?”

“Okay,” Lorelai says meekly.

“Have you talked to Rory lately?”

“No, I haven't been able to get in touch with her. She's in New Mexico or Arizona or somewhere.” Lorelai is picking at her eggs, not really eating.

“You could call and check in with April,” Luke suggests gently. “I'm sure she would be glad to hear from you.”

“I don't want to bother her while she's settling in.”

“Lorelai.” Luke says her name firmly.

“What?” She sighs, dropping her fork with a clatter.

“I think you're a little down. You were doing fifty things at once while April was here and now she's gone and you're feeling unsettled.”

She lets out a long sigh. “I guess so. How did you know that?”

“Because I know you.” Luke suggests she take things slow, even offers to stay home from work to hang out with her, but she shakes her head.

“No, I should go to work too. Maybe it will at least make me feel normal.”

“I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you were never normal.” He teases and she pushes a hand into his chest, nudging him away, but it gets her to smile. “I love you. Call me if you need anything.”

“Okay.”

Luke knows Lorelai will only call if something catastrophic happens. “I mean it.”

Her face softens. “I know you do, love. Have a good day.”

“You too. Go easy on yourself.”

“Bye,” she says sarcastically at his obvious lingering in the doorway. He couldn't help it, though. She didn't always give him a lot of credit when it came to reading her, but he felt like he had an innate sense of when something was going on with her. It started back when their relationship was simply diner owner and customer. After several months of Lorelai calling him Duke incessantly, one day she came into the diner and barely said a word. It didn't take a genius to pick up on the fact that Lorelai was never quiet, but he'd let her stew in her quietness for her entire meal, so when he came by to refill her cup for the third time, he simply asked, “Do you want to talk about it?” She had been surprised he noticed.

He'd seen Lorelai in a million different ways and moods. Sometimes he was the cause, sometimes not, but he'd never seen her quite this distraught before, like a piece of her was missing. Even in the midst of the rush at the diner, she was on his mind. At two, he asked Lane if she could handle the place on her own for awhile and walked over to the Dragonfly. He prayed Michel wasn't at the front desk and when he walked in, he was pleased to see his wish had come half true. Michel was checking someone in but Lorelai was close by, giving a couple directions to Kim's Antiques and a warning to be firm hagglers. Her eyes widen when she glances over to see him, but she finishes her directions professionally and once the couple is on the way, gives him a smile. “You came over to check on me,” she says in a playful tone of voice.

“Hadn't been over here in a bit. Thought I would check in on my investment.”

“You came over to check on me,” she says again. Her lips curl up into a smile.

“Wanted to check in and make sure your handyman really knows what he's doing.”

“You did.” She steps into him, placing a hand on his chest as she gives him a kiss.

“I did,” he admits finally.

Michel not so subtly coughs. “We are a romantic inn, Michel,” Lorelai warns. “You see people make out all day.”

“Yes, but I do not want to see it from my boss and her lumberjack boyfriend.” Michel replies in his usual drawl. “At least have the decency to take it to the kitchen.”

Lorelai starts to lead him there but Luke objects. “No, I should go. I just came by to say hi.”

“No, don't go yet.” Lorelai pleads, tugging on his sleeve. “Oooh, come have cake! Sookie made this amazing cake last night for dinner and there's a ton leftover.”

“You know I won't eat cake.”

“Then you'll watch me eat it. Please, Luke?” She knew he would give in and he did but he was glad he had taken this impromptu trip because it gave him a chance to see Lorelai thriving. Compared to this morning, her mood was upbeat and he loved seeing her here. He had heard her talk about owning an inn for years and she made it happen for herself.

Sookie makes Luke a cup of tea and he tries a piece of the cake so as not to offend Sookie's culinary abilities. It's delicious but he's content to watch Lorelai eat, placing a calming hand on her thigh as she does so.

He makes small talk with Sookie, who asks about April and Choate, but he notices Lorelai isn't piping in with her usual comments. After she's finished, Luke asks if she has time to go on a quick walk. She agrees and lets Michel know she's going to be gone for a few minutes. They head out behind the barn, the paths around the Dragonfly connect to various nature paths, so the walk is peaceful, the sound of birds chirping and the faint sound of a stream nearby. Ever so often, a cool breeze winds its way through the trees, reminding Luke of the nearness of fall's arrival. Lorelai walks beside him, eerily quiet.

He stops and it takes her a couple steps to realize he's no longer beside her. She turns around to look at him. “I wish I knew what to do.” It's rare for him to admit he doesn't know how to fix something, but this time he's at a bit of a loss. He watches her shoulders rise and fall as she lets out a breath.

She takes a step towards him. “You being here is enough.”

He's grateful for the confirmation, but still doubtful. “Really?” He asks, worry knitting his brow. His hands are by his sides, but he gestures towards hers, his palms tilted up, inviting her in. He's so focused on her, he can't hear the birds or the distant stream or the wind blowing through the trees. Slowly, Lorelai takes a step forward and gives him a small nod, sliding her hands into his.

“You being here is the best thing.” She whispers into his shoulder and he squeezes her hands in response, letting her know he hears her.

*

Her mother has been snippy about her missing Friday night dinners because April was in town, so Lorelai knows she has no excuse for this one. It's selfish, but she can survive her parents much better if she has a buffer, so she asks Luke if he'll go with her, half expecting him to laugh out loud and kick her out of the diner.

“Yeah, I'll go.” He says easily. “What else am I going to do on a Friday night?”

Her mouth falls open at his easy answer. “I'm secretly hoping you develop a gambling addiction or a drinking problem, because you're way too perfect,” she teases him.

“I'll work on that for you.” He winks at her.

“Thank you so much for doing this.”

When he shows up on her porch the next night in his button up shirt and “nice slacks”, as he calls them, she has to admit she likes seeing him dressed up occasionally. (Although she has warmed up to the flannel shirts over the years.)

Tonight feels less formal than the last time they came to her parents. Lorelai feels like she and Luke are less on display, perhaps because she's less worried about her parents making a rude remark regarding her getting back together with Luke so quickly after she and Chris split up. When she walks into her parents', she's usually got her guard up, but with Luke's hand at the small of her back, Lorelai actually feels comfortable.

But her mother wouldn't be Emily Gilmore if she didn't have some drama and sure enough, as soon as they step into the foyer, Emily is informing them of a crack in the ceiling of the dining room. It's caused her to relocate dinner to the back patio. She reports all of this with disdain like they are wild animals for eating out of doors, but to Lorelai it sounds perfect.

“That sounds great, Mom. The weather's good for it.”

“Yeah, Mrs. Gilmore—I mean, Emily—I'm sure it will be great,” Luke adds supportively.

“Oh, isn't anyone listening? The house is falling down around our ears!” Emily cries.

“Well, what does Dad say about it?”

“Nothing! He's been locked in his office all day. I doubt he would even notice if the ceiling fell and hit him on the head!”

“I can take a look at it if you want.” Luke offers and Lorelai smoothes her hand across his back, saying a mental 'thank you'.

Emily's face brightens. “Oh, would you, Luke? That would be so helpful.”

Luke disappears into the dining room and Lorelai offers another suggestion to her mother. “I can ask Dad about it, if you want. He got someone to come check out the Dragonfly when we were having problems with our old insurance company. I'm sure he can pull some strings.”

“Honestly, that man infuriates me half the time. He said he can't do it because his company doesn't handle residential claims and said he would contact our insurance man, but I haven't heard a peep from him all day!” As if on cue, Richard emerges from his office.

“Emily, why didn't you tell me we had guests?”

Lorelai shoots her mother a warning look to tell her to back off. “Hi, I hear you've been busy with work lately.”

Her father looks confused for a second, but then his face turns up into a grin. “Oh, actually, I was wrapping up some personal business. Uh, is Luke here?”

Luke ducks back in from the dining room. “Right here, Mr. Gilmore. How are you?” He steps forward to shake Richard's hand.

“Nonsense, call me Richard. I actually have something I need to talk to you about, Luke. Do you mind stepping into my office?” Luke's eyes widen but he covers it well. Thankfully, he's saved by Emily's hysteria over the evening's plans.

“Richard!” Emily practically screeches. “What about drinks?”

“Yeah,” Lorelai chimes in, glad to help her mother save Luke from whatever uncomfortable conversation her father wants to have. “I need you to make me one of your world famous martinis.”

“Oh ho ho, well, all right,” her father chuckles agreeably. “Our conversation will have to wait until later.” He says conspiratorially to Luke, who still looks terrified but relieved.

“How did it look?” Emily asks him as they sit down for drinks.

“Not bad.” Luke replies. “There's no sign of water damage, so that's good. No problems with your pipes. I'm sure there are other reasons for the crack, but unfortunately the extent of my knowledge ends there.”

“That's quite all right. I appreciate you looking at it, Luke. Thank you.” Emily seems calmer just hearing his response.

Lorelai wants to lean in and tell him it's the sincerest thanks she's ever heard from her mother, but she barely has the time before Richard starts grilling them about their relationship. “How long have you two been back together now? A few months?”

“Gosh, Dad. Put a girl on the spot.” The relaxation she felt when she stepped into the house has melted away and she can feel herself tense against Luke, who to his credit, puts a reassuring hand on her leg.

“Three months.” He answers calmly.

“Why does it matter?” Emily asks. “They're happy. Leave well enough alone.” It's the first time Lorelai has ever heard her mother advocate for her relationship with Luke. Her mother is usually the one who instigates these conversations, once she gets wind that Lorelai is dating someone, she wants to know all the details, but with tonight's role reversal between her parents, Lorelai is left discombobulated and uncertain.

“I'm allowed to ask, aren't I?”

“Sure.” She nods, but knows there's an ulterior motive here. “What's going on?”

“I've been doing a bit of thinking about the future. Always smart to keep on top of your assets and your beneficiaries and I want to make sure I have everything properly allocated is all. Nothing for any of you to worry about.”

“Well, thanks, Dad. I look forward to my assets.”

“Don't be crude, Lorelai.” Emily warns. She wants to laugh. This feels more like home.

*

Somehow between dinner and dessert, Richard manages to spirit Luke away to his office. Lorelai can't see her father's office door from the patio, but she keeps glancing that direction anyway. To take her mind off whatever might be going on behind closed doors, she says, “You know, Mom, if you're looking for someone to do some work on the house, you should ask Luke for recommendations. He knows a lot about that stuff. When we had the upstairs remodeled, he put the crew together himself and we've been thinking about doing some other renovations, so I'm sure he would be glad to help.”

“You're doing more renovations?” Emily asks, suddenly interested. “You just redid the place what, a year or so ago.”

She hadn't really meant to tell her mother about their future plans for the house, but it seems a relatively innocent topic of conversation compared to other things. “Couple years ago, yes. Just the upstairs, though. Now Luke wants to see if we can add on another bedroom, some other stuff.”

“Another bedroom?” Her eyes widen. “Oh my god, are you pregnant?”

“What?” Lorelai nearly spits out her water. “Mom, no!” Maybe not so innocent a topic after all.

“Well, I don't know. It's not so crazy an assumption when your daughter is back with her former fiance and they're living together in her house and talking about doing renovations.”

She has a point. For some reason, the inevitable kid conversation with Luke is the one Lorelai is dreading the most. “No, you're right, Mom.” She softens. “It's not so crazy. Although, I am 39. I don't even know if it's possible.” She's not going to correct her mother for assuming they're living together.

“Oh, please. You act like you're 25 and I've seen the way Luke looks at you. I doubt you have any problems in that area.”

Now she almost spits out her martini. “Mom!”

“I didn't know you were such a prude, Lorelai.”

“I'm not. I'm just surprised you brought it up.” Sensing she needs it, Lorelai downs the rest of her martini in one gulp. Thankfully Luke and her father appear. “Oh thank goodness,” she murmurs, waving Luke over.

“You okay?” Luke frowns.

“Just the usual vaudeville act.” She's dying to know what Luke and her father talked about, but it will have to wait. As she sits listening to her parents chit chat, she thinks about what her mother said. When she was with Chris, Emily never once asked her if she was pregnant or if she and Chris were considering having another kid. The silence on the subject from the woman, who had spent the previous two years trying to push her back together with Chris, spoke volumes. Her parents weren't always kind to Luke, not the way they were to Logan, but they had come to accept him over the years in little ways. Lorelai thinks of the house her parents wanted to buy them, a place big enough for them to expand their family and give Luke a space of his own, and she starts to get unexpectedly emotional. She rises suddenly and Luke gives her a strange look. “Sorry, I'll be right back.” She nearly takes the stairs two at a time, she can't get away fast enough.

She runs a washcloth under the tap and presses the towel to her face, reminding herself to take deep breaths, but that makes her tears come faster and soon she's practically sobbing into the washcloth. It's obvious not all of this is about her parents finally accepting Luke. A lot has changed the last few months and she hasn't been handling it as well as she thought.

Luke and Chris, then Luke again. The pregnancy dream. Rory gone. April back in Connecticut. The Dragonfly in its fourth year and while in the past she's worried that Sookie or Michel would get bored and leave, now her fear is that _she_ is bored and wants to leave.

After she's regained her ability to breathe normally and the crying has slowed, there's a soft knocking on the door. “Lorelai? Are you okay?” Luke's voice is tentative.

Something has broken within her and she's tired of whatever act she didn't even know she was participating in. She opens the door and his face falls when he sees her eye makeup smudged from crying. He doesn't say anything, simply takes her in his arms, and murmurs soothingly into her hair. “I love you. It'll be okay.” He keeps repeating this and she wants so badly to believe it. “We don't have to stay,” he tells her. “We can tell your parents you aren't feeling well and we can go home.” She appreciates his calm solidness, even though internally, he's probably freaking out. He doesn't operate well if he doesn't know what is going on. He's a fixer and he needs to know what's going on so he knows what steps he can take to fix it. She should have remembered that when she gave him the ultimatum. It might take him a little longer to come up with a plan, but he always wanted to fix things, especially them.

She's physically spent after her emotional outburst but she's spent many a Friday night dinner emotionally exhausted or manipulated and she can make it through one more. “No, I can do this.”

“Are you sure?” Luke asks worriedly. “Because I can easily go downstairs and tell your parents you aren't feeling well and that we need to go.”

“I'm sorry I'm such a mess,” she sniffles.

“You're not.” He strokes a hand through her hair. “You sure you want to do this?” She nods and slips her fingers into his. “I love you. That's not what this was all about, was it?”

“No, I know that. It's...” She shakes her head, not sure she can explain right now.

“Okay.” He takes this in stride. “It's okay. We'll talk later?” She nods.

“Thank you.” She's grateful for him not pressuring her to tell him everything. Grateful that he's not doubtful of her love. Grateful that he's there in the same solid, steady ways he has been over the years.

*

On the drive back to Stars Hollow, Lorelai leans up against the door of the truck, her forehead resting on the cool glass of the window. Even though Luke is driving, out of the corner of her eye she can see him turn to glance at her, making sure she's okay. “You feel okay?” he asks at one point. “I can roll down the windows if you need some air.”

“I'm good, babe. Thanks.” She smiles at his thoughtfulness and closes her eyes. She falls asleep or at least into that point where you're not really awake and not really asleep because the next thing she knows, the truck is slowing as they pull into Stars Hollow. Luke is humming quietly along to some old song on the radio and her body is flooded with the warmth of familiarity.

When they get back to her house, Luke comes around to the passenger side to help her out of the truck, a protective arm around her waist as they walk up the porch steps. She wants coffee but he makes her tea and she takes it without complaint. He sits with her as she sips it, waiting for her to talk. “I got overwhelmed tonight,” she finally says. “I didn't mean to scare you.”

“I wasn't scared,” he corrects her. “But I was concerned. Am concerned.” She knows she hasn't been herself lately but the fact that Luke has noticed means she hasn't been hiding it as well as she thought. He rubs a hand up and down her arm, soothing, slow strokes, wanting her to expand her explanation but when she doesn't, he tries again. “Were you...I mean, did you feel overwhelmed because of something your mom said or...is it this? Is it us?”

Lorelai isn't sure how to answer that. “I don't know.” Her voice cracks. “Maybe both?” She puts a hand on his thigh and takes a breath. “My mom asked if I was pregnant.”

“What?” Luke's voice is a choked whisper.

“Because of the renovations. I think I...” She swallows, tries again. “It made me think about everything we were supposed to have. Even my parents wanted that for us. And then things got all screwed up.” Her voice shakes and her chin quivers and Luke slips his arm around her shoulders, but she notices his face. “What?”

“When your dad pulled me aside tonight...” With everything else going on, Lorelai had almost forgotten how anxious she had been about the conversation between her father and Luke. “...I think he wanted to know whether to include me in the division of his assets.”

Normally Lorelai would be infuriated by how presumptuous her father was being and mad at him for putting Luke in this awkward position, but she's not sure she can declare her parents crazy after the way she acted tonight. “What did you say?”

“I didn't really say anything. I don't think your father needed me to, but he mentioned something about the house they were going to buy us and whether he should be considering finding a new property for the future.”

An image of the house pops into Lorelai's head. It really had looked like the perfect place for them and it was far and away the most thoughtful thing her parents had ever done. She'd never even mentioned it to Luke, not with the way things were going. “Yeah.” Her voice comes out in a whisper. “I never told you, but my parents wanted to buy us a house.”

“Oh.”

She can hear the hurt in his tone. “I wasn't trying to keep it from you, but my mother told me about it right before everything happened...”

“Is that...would you want that?” He shifts slightly beside her. “Would you rather them buy us a new place than expanding here?”

“It was a nice place,” she admits, but even as she considers it, she knows the answer. “But this is home.”

Luke presses a kiss to her temple. “We can still have all the things we were supposed to have before.”

She knows he's right. She knows she needs to try. But a small voice in her head keeps whispering, _it's not the same_. Lorelai hadn't let herself feel much after she gave Luke the ultimatum, after she slept with Chris, after she had to tell him they couldn't go to Maryland and get married, after her divorce from Chris. Tonight opened the floodgates (literally) and she tries to imagine what his reaction would be if she told him what she was really thinking. _I keep having this dream I'm pregnant. I want that. I want another kid._

Instead she takes a deep breath and says, “We can. You're right.”

 

 


End file.
